OMNIUM GATHERUM.

Observer, Volume 5, Issue 117, 9 December 1882, Page 200

OMNIUM GATHERUM.

A would-be belle created a sensafrvlfif r^ country ball the other evening when mHKSI* cliain got loose and disclosed a pieue oflj.jHj ' "' We hear that a certain buxom yonne^Bi of the spit at Paeroa says there will be a£Hl £' for leeches if she can discover the vi i ite t ,jH[ the paragraph. . '■»•"§* Is it a fact that the jovial-looking sW,,||B '' certain British ship (Ashrnore) doled oij{;9| *^ cI quarts of water per day to the crew \rl^fl| ' lay in the stream ? jffi| jaO3 It is rather hard on that old toper on S-Jroi nights — every time he comes out of a nhl hotel in Hobson-street, for the ] ■. mkia 3 taHSj out, "What! another pint alreau , ." firW: Beautiful being : " Papa dear, " Is kis3;,fS dm ring worse than dancing?" Pater: "JmH w0 pet ; kiss in the ring is right enough. ItuSß without the ring that plays the deuce." Kg ■■tb. That woman, in our humble opinion hS proaches nearest to perfection who can (a'iS§ >J \ moment of the day or night) tell her beka» • spouse the whereabouts of the button hookS! 'S clothes brush, the matches, and the key otjai !j clock. W J Some people hare a peculiar way of drstJlf • the line. There is a bush " merchant" glB V certain northern township who draws it gKI handcart. He says as the turn-oat cost hifflsfi guineas it would be desecrated if used infg|| i carriage of parcels for any others thaaffi tinguished customers. w& 1 There is a man at a country hotel who is a peiiJßi enthusiast at the cold-water cure, and islMSfi ! to kill one of his patients more from exc^^B ' zeal than moderation in doses. An oidh^B dose for his wife is a pail full. The poor woeH| stays out all night to get dry. This is onewajjß escaping curtain lectures. jER A Panmure correspondent gives slops toJB man who wrote about the "spirituelle drsflß He thinks the phrase was indicative of " jealjJß feelings and a weak mind," seeing that the catjfil of the presumed animus against the lady %$m that she was considered handsomer than feß favoured one of the clique. How is it fhat&En ball or dance takes place at Panmure \nWH| being followed by a deadly feud over the qigH tion of the belle ? If this sort of thing contirajH it will be necessary to add to the invitatissH "N.B. — G-entlemen are requested to bring tlsH own pistols." HI Parson Pinfold seems to be appropriateJß named. If his critics are to be believed liisforttH lies in prodding his fold, in fact in sticking tteoß logical pins into his congregation as if it wereiH large animated pincushion. On a recent SundjjH I evening he took as his text " Peace and goodmnS I toward men," and then proceeded to give themH a piece of his mind with the heartiest goodwill hfjm the world. He avowed his intention of goingiS for the people who have offended him during th&lffl past twelve months. Our Te Aroha correspondenrag says it was " a kind of dont-do-as-I-do-but-do-as-B| I-say sort of sermon." Then perhaps it may tell as well to inform Parson Pinfold, in a spirit c!|| Christian charity of course, that the example of Ml using the pulpit as a means of chastising one's M enemies is not a good one to follow, and that Ms M alternatives are equally bad. i| There is a good story going the rounds anenta II certain well-known Benedict in Auckland whose E namesake is a leading theatrical impressario in j§ Melbourne. A paragraph appeared in the M " Foofclight Flashes " column of the Obsebveb 1 stating that Mr D. (the Melbourne man) had 1 " taken the Bijou." A few days afterwards his 1 Auckland namesake came to this office, and, wifli 1 a countenance expressive of much gravity, in- i quired what the paragraph meant. When ifcwas I explained to him that the Bijou is a theatre, he I gave a great sigh of relief, and remarked, " Well, I you know, I didn't call so much about it myself I but my wife thought the Bijou might be s I woman, and that Mr D. was me. Oh, it's of no 1 consequence at all ; good day." , Thus does the S green-eyed monster cast his baleful gaze on the I domestic hearth, and set gins and traps for the j feet of the unwary Benedict. - I Old Ramsbottom seems to have mistaken hii mission. He should have run a muck at Billingsgate, not bill-brokers. Possibly however, he was restrained by fear of consequences to himself, inasmuch as self-preservation is the first law of nature. If Ramsbottom had exerted himself as fiercely against Billingsgate as against bills, he would in all probability have been guilty of self 1 annihilation. His last effusion is written from Wellsford, and is about the vilest specimen of virulent abuse and bad spelling we have seen for a long time past. He tells us that he borroweda copy of the Observes, and the spirit moving him went away on the strength of the loan and scrawled eight pages of hot-tempered Billingsgate against oui'selves. We begin to see why old Ramsbottom left home for the good of his health, He wanted a rest from writing abusive letters, compiling big scandalous posters, and publishing silly pamphlets. But he has not found rest. The creature is at his dirty work again. Such, people seldom do find rest anywhere. He brought out some of the stock which, for reasons best known to himself, lie conld not use up at home, and wanted to foist it upon us. Perhaps he con* sidered it would be safe to level his abuse at people in. England from the antipodes, but because we are not disposed to lend ourselves to his little game he now threatens in his precious eight page effusion to " apply a sound horsewhip to you! (that is our) back." If he thinks he is more likely to succeed as a bully than as a professor of Billingsgate he is sadly mistaken, but he is welcome to try the alternative. Old Earnsbottoifl requests us to publish his eight pages of rubbish in this paper on the strength of a promise of liis forwarding stamps. The .proposal is just a little too thin. If this is the way he was accustomed to do business with the hard-fisted bill-brokers at ' home, he must be an enormously smarter fellow than we were ever likely to give him credit for being during our brief, but sufficiently long ac»' quaintance with him, and we are not surprised if the bill-brokers were glad to cry off.'-. We really cannot afford to waste more space on Ramsbotfcoiß> and if he bores us with any further impertinent correspondence, we shall send if; where we put his stupid pamphlets and posters.