TAURANGA JOTTINGS.

Observer, Volume 4, Issue 85, 29 April 1882, Page 105

TAURANGA JOTTINGS.

— A disease from which, the present County Coucil do not suffer — enlargement of the heart. — Mac, of the Commercial, says that next time the County Council wants to "wet" a bridge, they won't get the stuff from him. He's only now getting paid for the liquor consumed at the Hairiui pile driving. — The 'Eclectic Society will shortly resume its fortnightly meetings. The platform of the Society this winter is to be strictly confined to lectures proper, and no replies or discussions will be allowed. — Since Mrs Hetley's advent amongst us, we have received two treats at the hands of Mr Hetley and Mrs Wrigley — one was a picnic to the Mount on Easter Monday, and the other a pleasant dance in the Devon-port-road School-room. The enjoyment of the picnic ' was unfortunately marred by the torrents of rain which fell in the evening. v — " Though I says ifc as oughn'tto say it," great disappointment was exxjerienced.by the citizens when last Friday's Observed, arrived, and the Jottings were conspicuous by their absence. One prominent townsman, who probably expected a severe literary castigation, was heard to remark that he was never so agreeably disappointed in his life ; he felt quite relieved. Was .. this complimentary ? — Soine of the Mayor's compositions are pectiliar. Take the following, culled at random from a letter of his to the Hon. John Hall, as an instance : — " Since the interview above referred to a Fire Brigade has been . organised by pixblic subscription, raised by subscriptions from the citizens, to which list all have liberally given ; . but I regret to add that we are still short of about £100, or somewhat more, for the purpose," and so on ad nauseam. In another of his communications he brings forward Mr Eolleston's seasickness, or, as ho calls itj mal tie iner, as an argument for an overland mail service. — Messrs. G-eorge Wrigley and Peter Grant were brought before the R.M. on a charge of larrikinism. The case was dismissed. Sergt. White deserves the support of all good citizens in his effort to suppress this growing evil. It is a pity his efforts have not hitherto been crowned with success. The larrikin fraternity mustered in strong force in the Court-room during the trial, and. went away congratulating themselves on having gained a victory and outwitted the police. The . . old proverb of a stitch in time is very applicable to this case. A small pnnishment now will avert the necessity of a greater one hereafter. — Tauranga, in Parliament, seems doomed to perpetual opposition. Since provincialism was abolished ' our members have sat religiously on the Opposition benches. We were pretty tired of being practically unrepresented when we elected Allan McDonald. When he ■ stood for this constituency, the Grey Government were • in the zenith of their power ; but directly he obtained the seat, his party went out of office. After waiting patiently for three years, we were called upon to choose , another representative, and our choice fell on Captain Morris ; and now, before he has an opportunity of doing - any thing.his party also is constrained to take a back seat. . Just our luck* — Another old identity gone to his long rest. One by on they pass away, and give place to a new ordor of things. The last to hand in his cheques has been ( poor George, familiarly known as- "Chuff" Eedfern, an old Victorian. He was all through the " good old times'" of the fever— "good old times" in which more ./'■

; .'.Teal poverty arid misery was crowded into a few years : than any of the actors in them have experienced either ■before or since. " Chuff," occasionally a favourite with the fickle goddess (oftener the reverse), underwent many vicissitudes of fortune. He had recently been employed as night watchman and poundkeeper here, ana leaves a large family. . -MThat -was a nice admission for the Chairman and Treasurer of a public body. According to the report of the County Council meeting, the Chairman said that this was " the first time in this Council that we have mown how we stand." Did they never peruse their own published balance-sheets ? On no other hypothesis • <jan such culpulpable ignorance be accounted for. They suddenly wake up, and find themselves responsible fora Targe amount of the county debt, and are at once panicstruck. They reduce all round, cut down all expenditure, except their own travelling allowance. Probably in the . excitement of the moment, they overlooked this item. It is true tho amount is not large, but still every little helps, and, in matters of economy, it is always best to begin at home. It looks better. So I would suggest, ■ merely suggest, to the august body the advisability of this allowance at their next meeting. — I have fast discovered that -we have a poet amongst us— a real, long-haired, aesthetic Chylde. I was taking a constitutional along a secluded lane, when I came suddenly upon a young man engaged in mute adoration of a dog-lily, his limbs contorted into the form of twilling suplejacks, and his head poised in a perfectly consummate attitude. After he saw me it took him some time to untwist his legs and stand upright, but -when he succeeded in doing so he confronted me, and "with flashing 1 eyes and dishevelled hair demanded my reasons for intruding on his hallowed comnranmgs with. Jus own cosmic soul, and breaking the spell which his genius had cast over him. I succeeded in soothing his perturbed spirit and obtaining fromhimafewspocimens of what he calls the " outpouring of his soul." He very appropriately calls this stuff " nonsenseana." Here are a few samples : — LEGAL. Says Moss unto Forster, " You see I'm not lost, sir ;" Says Forster to Moss, " You'd have been no loss." MUNICIPAL. Says I to the Mayor, " I don't think it fair Your living among those wild mountains, While the burgesses here Are longing for beer, To bo drawn from mun'cipal fountains." THE STAFF OF LIFE AT 3d. Says Johnny to Butt, " 'Tis an awful hard nut ;" Says Butt unto Johnny, " We'll beat him yet, sonny." CRICKET. Says Goldy to Mac, " Those players we'll whack ;" Says Mac unto Goldy, " They'll be awfully sold, eh !" That young man scorns feet— he can write " poetry " ' by the league. He says he doesn't want his name published, as it might subject him to the jibes of Philistine •citizens. He also says that another reason for his temporary seclusion is that ns the darkest hour of the night is that immediately before sunrise, so the darkest period of his obsciu'ity is that before the moment when he will step into the broad daylight of fame and startle tho ■world with tho brilliant effulgence of his genius. It's my settled opinion that this young man will be heard from yet— by the warders at the Whau. — Knowing the ardour with which the public thirst for information in regard to that magnificent institution, the "Tauranga Fire Brigade," and being also aware that the meagre particulars furnished by the local Press are insufficient to sate the popular demand for a true and reliable record of their proceedings, I took all the necessary steps to secure an impartial report of the proceedings at the practice on Tuesday night, and this is the result : — " Official report of the first practice of the Tauranga Fire Brigade, consisting of two engines and several men. — In pursuance of my appointment as special correspondent, plenipotentiary, and envoy extraordinary to the Observer, I wended my way towards the Town Wharf on Tuesday evening, in order to witness and comment on the fire display. The advertised time ■was seven, but it was eight before the engine was lauledout, and halted before the Commercial Hotel. Mr Asher intended the practice to be a " dry " one (hence the halt at the hotel), but his decision was overhauled and the engine taken down the wharf. Here I found it. I had some difficulty in perceiving the engine at first, hut with the aid of a powerful microscope I was enabled to distinguish it. The suction hose having been coupled on one end, was dropped into the harbour, and the display commenced. Branchman Wrigley opened the attack on the wharf lamp. After playing unavailingly on the lamp, the Branchman desired to test the force of the engine, and, with this object, turned the stream upon the Fire Inspector (Mr Asher). The result was very satisfactory— to the spectators. The stream was played alternately on the spectators and firemen. The latter moved oat of range, but remained near enough to "be handy when called upon. Just here I might suggest to Mr Asher the advisability of chaining his men to the pump, as, when Branchman Wrigley turned the hose ■upon them, they showed a strong tendency to desert their posts. After several other practical experiments to demonstrate tho capabilities of a well directed stream of water, the practice terminated. As to the power of the engines, I am certainly of opinion that had the glass been removed from the wharflamp.it would undoubtedly have been extinguished. I myself saw the full stream ' put out the pipe which a by-stander was smoking. It also ctuerLched any desire to witness another display •which, might exist in the breasts of some of the spectators. The pump is very powerful. I examined the -engine and hose next morning, and found them covered -with, scales from the fish which had been drawn through the suction pipe. A cutter sailing down the larbourduringthe display was left highanddry. Indeed, so much water was drawn from the harbour that the Fire Inspector momentarily expected Capt. Best to ride ' over and stop the practice."