NEW PLYMOUTH.

Observer, Volume IV, Issue 84, 22 April 1882, Page 89

NEW PLYMOUTH.

It was prophesied that money would be tight rafter the races. Other things have been tight, too. One of the worthy publicans (apparently some > distant relation of the codfish or John Dory) got ■ into rather hot water at the late races through making his Irish slang an instrument to black.guard the ; stewards with. He was smartly -rebuked by the Apostle Paul, and in return

offered "to prop" with any of them. Take my advice, Jim — don't j your countenance is too open for that game. I sympathise heartily with the diminutive, petty individual who by an error of judgement lost £4, and trust he may have it refunded. Shades of the great John Wesley! can these things be, although the chief delinquent's name is Samuel ? Who is the young lady up the Devon Line who may be seen first walking with somebody about 6 feet 2 inches (and whom she calls her gaspipe), and on another occasion almost hugging a littie red-haired school-boy of 13 or 14 ? It's not uniform, Miss L., to say the least of it. I was at the Waitara Harvest Festival the other day, and took a seat in the church where I thought I could see nearly everything,'without being seen. It was not so bad while sitting, but having to rise occasionally found my view obscured by a large turnip, of something less than half-a-ton in weight. I trust the ladies next time will hang the products of nature a little higher, and I shall then Leal- more disfcincfcly tlie " secorneel lesson." The church was crowded, and I should say chiefly with Jews, for they had evidently brought tithes of all they possessed in. the way'of vegetables, but forgot the rhino, for only £2 4s. was collected. As there is only two feet of water on the bar, the inhabitants are probably keeping their money for the Exodus that must eventually take place. Yon know what I mean. Rather hard lines Mr Editor.

MONGONUI.

That young lady who stares so much, in church is in danger of injuring her eyesight. Bob apparently takes his own ideas for popular feeling. He is much out, however, as they savour too much of cat-gut. It was a sight to see P.'s smile upon reading that he was very popular here. So you are, P., old man — among those who cadge firewood. Harry L. is thinking of getting one of those button up behind affairs for himself — to draw custom ! His gals wouldn't wear 'em. Papa has given his consent, and the engaged couple were seen promenading the other day as happy as two love-birds. I am glad to see our old friend Mrs I. among us again, looking as happy and as charming as ever. " Honour to whom honour is due." Mrs Wyles is undoubtedly the most popular and the most charming hostess in Mongonui. One of our Church of England " shining lights" evidently forgot himself on Grood Friday as he was hard at it all day. The resignation of the Hall Ministry has east quite a gloom over certain leading (?) citizens in the district. The expected J.P.ships are now supposed to be up a tree ! Being somewhat a stranger to Mongonui usages, and hearing the church bells ringing the other evening, I thought I could not do better than join the goody-goodies and swell the congregation. I hastily donned my Sunday-go-to-meetings, and, after a severe struggle (during which I burst my paper collar and lost three buttons) and a great deal of perspiring, I managed to reach the top of the break-neck hill upon which the church stands. After feeling all my pockets to make sure I possessed a threepenny-bit, I put on a most sanctimonious look and entered the church. Imagine my disgust upon discovering it to be only the weekly (very weaicltf) choir practice, and such singing. Ugh ! Let's draw the line liere.