WAIKA TO WHISPERINGS

Observer, Volume 3, Issue 71, 21 January 1882, Page 294

WAIKA TO WHISPERINGS

— Cambridge has again assumed its every clay aspect, the excursion of swearors having returned. — It is an understood thing between W. A. Richardson and the heiress of West End. ■ — Miss Newell, of Hamilton, has gone on visit to the Thames to spend a few weeks with Mr and Mrs Calder. — How is it that the Holy Farmer of Alexandra does not dress himself properly when attending parties where ladies are present ? Does he want to get registered and have a collar provided ? — The sympathy, as well as the charitable nature of the Cambridge public, will be tested shortly, when the good-looking daughter of the incarcerated old man comes amongst them to solicit the £50 for her unfortunate parent. — Miss Allen, of Alexandra, has returned home, after her long stay in Auckland, and looks decidedly charmiug. Consequently it is rumoured that the goodlooking postmaster of Kihikihi will pop the question without further hesitation. Meanwhile, I would recommend his applying to the Government to have the snuffbox like postal establishment conveniently enlarged. — A certain youthful member of the legal fraternity, on advising his client, took ujjon himself to express an opinion as to his brother pleaders. One he designated as a sea lawyer, and the other as a mere boy in the profession, neither of which, as a matter of course, knew anything. That client has since discovered his "adviser to be a more consummate know-nothing than than either. — Miss M., of Wells' millinery and mantlemaking department, is certainly the best looking lady in Cambridge (none others excepted) . Walter is consequently a lucky dawg. Miss C, an improver in the above department, has completely captivated the heart of Tommy-make-room-for-your-uncle's little bookkeeper, who, by-the-bye, combines with his strong connubial propensity a yearning for the musical world ; and is the only individual in Cambridge who knows how to wear a straw hat without not wearing it altogether. — If there is anything really objectionable in a • would-be newspaper man, it is trying- to foist on his readers a sense of his educational standing as a linguist, when, at the same time, he knows less of the language than the paper upon which he writes. The person to whom I refer goes in for mystifying his readers by an extensive utilisation of French enigmas and proverbs, which are prigable from the back of a modern dictionary or popular phrase book, knowing at the same time that his readers (self included) know — nor do they care to know — little or nothing about them. — In every town and village there are frequent petty disturbances, especially in the vicinity of public-houses, and certainly Cambridge is no exception. Anyhow, when such do occur, our gallant, who is generally on the scent, happens to witness the (for him) lucky occurrence; and loses no time in fishing out the local constable, to whom he imparts all the necessary information. In due time the parties to the pugilistic contest are cited before the magistracy, and Fagan is called upon to give evidence. For this piece of sordid- ». ness he is rewarded with the usual allowance for Avit■sn.esses generally (eight shillings), and here lies the V principle of my narrative. Some court days the same individual has a number of cases to give evidence in, and, if I do not err, I believe few court days pass without the subpoenaed presence of this gentleman. — The public hall is at last to be enlarged, Ned having come out victorious. No doubt the public will be called upon to subscribe liberally to this " very worthy object." I hear it is intended to hold a grand. . concert in aid of the funds, and no doubt, if the programme^ well chosen, a good few pounds will be got together in this way. Of course the committee, for their own sake, will manifest great taste and a little liberality in the selection of their programme, and, instead of repeating the already hackneyed programme of the past, will present one somewhat diversified. As a member of the public, I do not think myself out of order in submitting a few items for their approval. Opening Chorus, "Now, or never," members of Town Board; duet, " When we were boys together," Messrs Hewitt and Raynes ; song, "Oh ! for the past," Mr Dick ; violin duet, "The dying agony," Messrs S. Reid and Parr; song, "I'm not a marrying man," Mr H. W. Moore; song, "I'm still a friend to you, dear Ned," Mr A. Raynes; song, "The lady's man," Mr D. Stubbing; • duet, " Friends in a cause," Messrs F. Haughton and Rowe ; soug, " It's nice to be a father," Mr J. P. Thompson; duet, "The bachelor lads," Messrs Campbell and Scott. I have omitted to mention any lady vocalists, but no doubt the services of a few will be volunteered in good time. — Victor has been victorious, and the man of seed, watches, clocks, and temperance is gone to durance vile. Indeed, it would be hard to say which of the parties to the contest has fared best, for, though the unfortunate defendant was fiued in £50 for discharging what he considered a duty to his fellow men, the fact . cannot be lost sight of, that to achieve this moral victory the aggrieved plaintiff was obliged to spend a sum almost double that amount. Now, whatever satisfaction there is in spending £100 to have another fined in £50, my microscopic judgment cannot clearly ' define, unless the party who brings on the action is possessed of a superfluity of capital, and is desirous of seeing an impoverished (?) legal profession flourish, and the human . race at large benefitted at the expense of himself and his . victim. In this case the man who is apparently worst oif is decidedly best off, inasmuch as he has, if he so desires it, a life long ticket for his sustenance at the expense of the country, and this ticket does not embody a proviso which commits him to labour. And by possessing himself of this unusual advantage, not only will ho be kept for his life, but he saves his £50, which, together with his other worldly goods and chattels, he can transmit to his posterity. On the other hand the victorious party to the case is considerably out of pocket, and wsre he incapacitated to-morrow from taking his place in the ranks of the race of which he is a member, he would find that his generous country would not give him a long-life sustenance ticket. I must say, however, that the conduct of the aggrieved party was that of a gentleman, in as much as there was nothing sordid in the action, it being criminal and not civil, and he was fully aware from the start that, go how , it may, he was bound to loose (monetarily) without the j slightest possibility of winning anything but a purely moral victory.