BRIEF MENTION

Observer, Volume 3, Issue 69, 7 January 1882, Page 268

BRIEF MENTION

The Post calls Speight a " plugless wordspout." Darrell is doing well in America. " The Colonel" is a success in Wellington. The bachelors of Drury are talking of opening a dancing class. It is much wanted. Mr F. A Parris has returned to Tauranga with his bride. The Takapuna steeplechase course is perTiaps the most difficult cross-country one in the colony. An Oamarti paxje'r;'sp,eaks of the citizens of tho sister town across the bprd^r'as " Timaruffians." G-ood looking Charles Craig, was here with thg Liugards, is going to be married. Miss^THorp gave a delightful little party at Wairoa a;f ejfl'days ago. f The Pollard children opened in Melbourne in " Les Cloches de Corneville" on Boxing night. The " Pirates" (grown xip) Company are doing very poor business on the East Coast. Ask the boys about their dance at the Captain Cook after the races. "Go it, McCormick !" The people of Cambridge have discovered that there is an insufficiency of gas in that flourishing township, and are thinking of erecting a manufactory. It was very naughty of those canoeists to go amongst the young ladies who were bathing last Monday week. Someone gave Campbell, the railway guard, a baby to hold on the racecourse platform. Poor C. was the picture of misery till the parient returned. Where did Cook, the 'bussman, get the white hat with the black band ? Was he one of the blackband gang who assisted at Garrett's election. When is Jack Bell, who gets so excited about election time, going in for a seat in the Harbour Board. Shortsighted people at the English Church, Drury, find it very difficult to read their prayer books with the present pale and nickering apologies for lights. That dear little " sailor boy" was doing her best at the Cambridge bazaar, and many fell victims to her charms. During the service of song at the Cambridge Wesleyan Church many of the audience indulged in a quiet slumber. Dick must hare a down on some of the Zephyr's crew, or he would not have supplied such wretched marmalade. It was singly re-" dick"nlous. The crew of the Magic sang very nicely at Waiheke on Monday night. Some one gave the words and we got the air outside. There 'was a rase of wax flowers made by Miss Taylor, of Wellington-street, omitted from last 'week's report of the Catholic bazaar. The latest definition of a Conservative is a man in office who intends stopping there, while a Liberal is a man who wants to turn him out. Pepper, the boy who was arrested by Constable Graham for stealing a new spring balance, has been found wanting. Mr Robert Graham regrets not having contested Waitemata against Bertie Saverna. He says he is confident he would have gone in with an overwhelming majority. The Harbour Board Pilot Schooner was seen above the Queen-street wharf about six on Thursday morning. This strange event is not within the recollection of the oldest inhabitant. Webster, in his dictionary, defines the verb to speak as "to utter." Those who have heard one of McGee's orations declare that his " speak " also is " too utter !" As a rule lxmeheons on the Grand Stand have not hitherto been up to much ; but the lunch provided at the course on all three days' racing this season reflects the highest credit on the caterer, Mr Clarke. Now that 1881 has £>assed, and the end of the world has not arrived, the hard-working country editor will be able to alter the date of the Mother Shipton prophecy, and trot it out once more as good " copy." The poor stowaway, who was discovered on the mail steamer Australia, and sent to quarantine, at Motuihi, for sixteen days, will have a wholesome dread of Health Officers for the f uture. A Ponsonby youth lost ten shillings at the race 3, and he now seriously contemplates matrimony or suicide. He doesn't know which of the two evils is the lesser. The C.C. choir at Coromandel were very fortunate in gettiug Mrs Revitt to sing on Xmas Day and with Mrs Barrett's fine treble the music was exceptionally good. A certain young couple, who attended the Church Bazaar, at Cambridge a few nights ago, ought to remember that there are times and places where spooning can be carried on to better advantage than in a crowded room. It is related of a Melbourne young man, who went to see the Cup, that he expended halfa-crown. "Yes,- a ' bob ' there and a ' bob ' back ; and the other sixpence— well, mostly in boozing." That young man is not likely ever to reach a drunkard's grave. The proprietor of a suburban strawberry garden says he has received fully £200 gross from the sale of strawberries during the present season. If this is true, and there does not appear to be any reason to doubt it, strawberry culture must be a iirofitable speculation. On dit that there is likely to be a row in the Mrk over the marriage of Mr T. Peacock. That gentleman has wedded his deceased wife's sister --a matrimonial connection to which the Church of Scotland has a very strong objection. The Christmas number of the "Colonial Musical Cabinet" sold in this city by Mr Eady is to hand, and contains a variety of new and popular songs including the "Little Widow Dunn" so humorously interpreted by Maggie Knight on various occasions. Professor Gusscott patronised the Mauku races on Monday, and created a great sensation amongst the country bumpkins, who were deceived by his clerical appearance and concluded that they were honoured with the presence of a dignitary of the Eouiish Church. The " tanglefoot " sold in some of the suburban pubs, is of the vile3t description. A few evenings ago 1 an old toper was observed making grimaces after polishing off a glass of brandy, and, as he recovered his breath, was heard to remark— "Ould Nick stiffen nieJ That stliuff wint down me throat like a torchlight procession." When discussing the Christmas Eve trade the Herald says:— "At Messrs Goodson's and Montague's establishments such was the crush of people that some of the show stands were overturned in their endeavours to get up the passages. "J^Now really 'twas too bad of |hose show stands !

"We hear that it will not take much eloquence to induce the old city school committee to stand for reelection this year. Offer may very probably put up against Wright, who was the means of keeping him (the former) out of office on a previous occasion, but the others seem pretty well agreed and safe. The Baptists of Mount Eden are on the look out for a pastor, and the Ponsonby " dippers " are contemplating the erection of a new and larger church. The present one is seldom more than half-filled, but the fact is they have so nmch money in hand that they don't know what to do with it. What's this ? Delay the landing of the Sydney mail for sixteen days for fear of infection ! Well, not exactly 5 the Sydney " male" on this occasion is a stowaway who was discovered on board of the 1 .M. s.s. Australia, and has been sent to Motuihi to get fumigated. A correspondent asks — Was it owing to a widespread love of music in Auckland, or merely to the fact that there was no charge for admission, nor " anything in the form of a " collection," that 1500 people turned out to hear the " Messiah" on Sunday last ? We give it up. The Zejjhyr returned on Tuesday evening with the camping out party. The weather was glorious and the Messrs Wiseman enjoyed the trip immensely. The invigorating sea air caused Bertie and Leonard to sing of " The girls they left behind them." Harry looked after the tucker, and the commissariat department, being an extensive one, his attention was fully occupied. This is the utterance of a German poetphilosopher, who might be an employe of Messrs Ehrenfried Brothers : — When the omens of thunder appear in the sky To the cellar I go. Do yoxi think 'Tis the fear of the thunder impels me to fly ? You're mistaken ; Igo for some drink. Some people hare curious ideas of what gratitude is. .For instance, when Dean's Minstrels gave a performance on Monday evening for the benefit of No. 3 Company Auckland Volunteers, not one of the latter rendered any assistance in preparing the hall, or as doorkeepers, and the performers had to obtain assistance from the Fire Brigade. Is the young cleric, (in eccentric canonicals) whe assisted at St. Matthew's evening service on Xnias Day, a foreigner ? His name sounds purely English, yet he reads, " Heor beginnorth the seccornd lessorn" and says "sperrott" for "spirit," etc. The giggling caused by his queer performance was scarcely befitting God's house and worship. " Anything fresh," lisped a gaily adorned new chum, as he leant over the bar and gazed into the sunny azure depths of the optics of a fascinating little dispenser of long beers, and a Queen-street caravancery, a few mornings ago. " Nothing but the paint, sir. Come don't rub it off with your sleeve." There was a naughty adjective, a thin black streak in the atmosphere, and the barmaid was alone. The Billingsgate Gazette, of Vulcan Lane, last week got the length of admitting the fact of the great and undoubted success of the Obseeveb. We should not now be surprised though he should soon, in one of these unwonted fits of honesty, discover and own that this "rag" is far and away the best-conducted society journal south of the line. The hot weather has fairly set in, and everybody's "too-too solid fiesh" shows a melting inclination. Now is the season when, in the words of the ancient " poet" — The sun from his perpendicular height Illumines the depths of the sea ; The fishes, beginning to sweat, Cried—" Dang it ! How hot we shall be !" A nervous lady recently asked the postmaster at Coroinandel if she would be prosecuted for sticking a stamp on a letter upside down. The official allayed her fears by assuring her that such an act was not counted high treason. Still, it does look like an indignity to twist about the Queen's head in such a free fashion, and looks suspiciously like a wish to accomplish a subversion of royalty. A boy who is missing is described in a contemporary as being " dressed in a holland suit, straw hat with blue ribbon, elastic boots, brown hair, dark eyes, and dark complexion." It will be seen that the three last items are very distinctive articles of apparel, and should lead to the speedy recovery of the wanderer. We hope the little fellow will turn up quicker than the wandered wits of some of our Press writers show signs of doing, after the severe labours of the holiday season. The -worst-disgusted man in New Zealand just now is Prophet Wood, of the Thames. " Enoch " predicted the collapse of the universe before the end of 1881. The dreaded moment is now passed, and the goldfield sinners, relieved from an awful fear, amuse themselves with " poking borax" at the prophet. It is whispered that just bsfore the end of the year " Enoch" gave the earth another year of existence. Kind of him — wasn't it ? A lady, Avho was present at the Pukekohe sports, complains in strong terms of the want of gallantry exhibited towards the sex by some of the gentlemen who had the management of the aifair. She says the ladies had no shelter from the heat of the sun, and some of the Orange committee turned them off the benches to make room for others. She considers the demonstration was shamefully managed, making it quite impossible for visitors to obtain any enjoyment. It is qiute possible for Capt. Breton, of the Training School, to occasionally sail the fine little schooner, now rotting at her anchor, up to the wharf and show the boys that ought to be the f uture heroes of this Britannia of the South, how not to do it in getting alongside one of the wharves. Query : How is it "stone vessels " get the best berths at the wharf ? It is said they usually use as fenders a case of apples or bag of potatoes. It is said, on the best authority, that the railway by-laws are so constructed that passengers may ride on the platform and refuse to pay the fares. According to a decision given by the Resident Magistrate the other day, a person on the platform is not in, but on the carriage ; and the by-laws only apply to people in the carriages. A fine chance for a cheap trip to that splendid town lot in Hamilton East is thus offered to our old friend Garrard. Go it, George. The champion mean committee is said to be located at Wairoa. In this classic district there is a public hall, where the bucolics are wont to beguile away many a happy hour at concerts, balls, and soirees. For the past ton years, the utensils for these little festivities have been borrowed from tho neighbouring store of Mr Hyde, and have been supplied gratuitously. Now, however, that the hall committee are in funds, they have sent all.the way to Auckland for crockery to Mr Hyde's great disgust. We are sorry that we cannot compliment some of the gentlemen who occupied the grand stand at Ellerslie on their gallantry or even good breeding. While some of the races were being run, the whole of front of the grand stand was monopolised by gentlemen standing not oniy on the forms themselves, but upon the ledges, thus completely concealing the course from the view of the ladies behind. It never seemed to strike these gentlemen (?) that they were committing any breach of good taste by acting as they were doing. A highly amusing, though somewhat indecorous, scene was witnessed at the opera on Friday evening last. In a conspicuous part of the dress circle wore seated a party of three— two ladies and a gentleman. The love parts in the opera had such an effect on the latter that he could not resist the temptation of rehearsing them on one of the fair creatures at his side. Such pressing 1 , hugging, and loveying generally in public we had never seen before. It is need'ess to say that great amusement was caused to the onlookers. " Puck " -wires from Dunedin : — The William^ sons and the Zulu War Diorama have done excellent business during the week to full houses, helped, of course, by the large influx of country visitors. To-night " Struck Oil " will be withdrawn in favour of " Kerry " (in which Solange Novaro makes her re-appearance), and new farces. There is a hitch about bringing the "Pationce" Company over. Pomeroy opens at the Princess on the 16th.

"We are informed that a marriage is expected to take place shortly between tlie pretty and accomplished Miss Margaret Trevarthen, of Nelson-street, and Mr W. "Welsh, of the Wade. Mi- N . W. Hay writes that Miss Kate Tuohy, of Kyber Pass road, has requested Mm to contradict the statement that she is eugnged to Mr J. Weston, of Onehunga. Miss Queenin wore cardinal sateen skirt, with crerne polonaise and lace hat, at the races ; Miss A. Queenin, wine-coloured sateen skirt, crenio polonaise trimmed with lace, hat to match ; Miss O. Hern, pale pink sateen trimmed with creme lace, hat to match. Owing to the New Year holidays and the consequent suspension of business there has been a comparative dearth of social events of a character suitable for the Obseever. This will, in some measure, account for the comparative dulness of the present number. Some allowance must also be made for the fact that our regular staff and outside contributors have been enjoying that holiday recreation which is so necessary in every class of occupation, and more particularly one of so sedentary and trying a nature as journalism. We believe, however, that the invigorating effects of fresh air and change of scene will be apparent in future unmbers, now that matters have resumed the even tenor of their way. — It is not unlikely that Mr Berry Cass, formerly of Auckland, but now of Christchurch, and a zealous exponent of conditional immortality, will shortly illumine our theological darkness with his bright presence. Mr Cass achieved notoriety, if not fame, in Auckland by demonstrating to his own satisfaction the falsity of the doctrine of eternal torments. As a natural and inevitable consequeuce, he was expelled from the church of which he was a member. Many people will recollect how his quondam brother saints were obliged one Sunday to call in the aid of the police to prevent Berry from taking part in the Lord's Supper at the little Bethel of which he had, till then, been an ornament. Mr Justice Richmond, during the civil sittings at Napier on the 20th December, in deciding upon a law point raised by Mr Bees as to the Act incorporating the Bank of New Zealand, said that he had a lively recollection of the time when the Act was passed, for he had it iipon his conscience that when he was Colonial Treasurer he did not get inserted in the bill a provision making it incumbent upon the institution to be able to meet its paper currency without diminishing the assets of other creditors. That would have been an example to other institutions. In regard to the paper currency itself, he said it was very dirty, and really justified the expression " filthy lucre." It would probably some day spread leprosy or some other horrible disease, and the bank clerks who had to handle the money were to bs pitied. In one of the Waikafco townships there is a gentleman of an aspiring disposition, who endeavours to rule the roost at the meetings of the County Council, of which he is a member. But like many other ambitious politicians, he is obstructed by an opposition party, who object to his having matters entirely his own way. At a recent meeting the discussion grew very warm between the two parties, and on the question being put to the vote, the opposition majority triumphed. " Very well," exclaimed the aspiring leader of the minority, " I shall not offer any facetious opposition." Of course he meant fact io us; but the best of the joke is that he shows such a fondness for the term that he has frequently repeated it since without discovering his mistake. The Ethiopian Carnival by Dean's celebrated Minstrel Troupe, in aid of the funds of the No. 3 Company A.R. V., took place last Monday, and, despite attractions elsewhere, proved an unqualified sviccess. In the first part the individual singing was remarkably good, and the choruses harmonised admirably. Messrs Carey I and Bertie were applauded for their excellent song-and-I dance business. Mr Horace Dean, by particular desire, gave one of his best songs — " Victoria's Black Hussars" — rendered in a first-class manner. The entertainment concluded with "The Pleasures of a Stage Manager," after which a fancy dress ball took place, dancing being kept uj) to a late Loin*. It is to be regretted that the members of the No. 3 Company did not show their appreciation of the entertainment gifen in aid of the funds of the coinpnny, by attending more nnmerously. On Tuesday afternoon a sporting reporter got stuck in a sheep-pen at Ellerslie, and while waiting 45 minutes for a train, gave vent to his reflections as ! follows :- - " How beautiful is the rain !" Thus Longfellow sang so sweet A'< he looked through his window _v.ne On " the broad and fiery street. ' But a fellow that's standing and waiting loii a ' At EKjrslie for the train Would be rather inclined to change the song, And shout, in a voice both gruff and strong — " The rain, the horrible rain I" While soft words are floating that rhyme with " jam ;" And that's just the sort of Longfellow I am. One of our runners relates a good story, which illustrates the meanness of some of the men with whom he comes in contact in the course of his peregrinations. I A gentleman of some commercial standing met the boy one day and asked him for a copy of the Observer, i tendering a sixpence in payment. The boy happened to have no change, and offered to step aside into an hotel and get some. The customer, however, fearing that the youngster intended to defraud him of his threepence, insisted oil holding the bag as security, and this was agreed to without hesitation, but when the runner returned with the change the man had disappeared, taking the bag with him. Fortunately the boy knew him, followed him to his office, and succeeded in recovering his j>roperty. Whether the gentleman (?) intended to appropriate the bag and its contents, or was merely tired of waiting we ore not in a position to say. An amusing story is told of the Editor of an up-country newspaper (whom we will call M.), not a thousand miles from Russell. He once inserted an article, at which an individual named G. took offence. G. did not waste time floundering around the editor's sanctum with a horsewhip, as is generally the case, but quietly waited his revenge. A few days afterwards, seeing M. in the village, G. armed himself with a bottle of red ink and a razor, gayc chase, and soon came upon M,. who, upon catching sight of the razor, nearly fainted with fear. After a short struggle (during which he managed to gasp, "Murder!" and "Police" several times) M. found himself on his back with G. leaning over him with uplifted razor. After making a gretence of cutting his throat, G. emptied the red ink over M.'s neck and shirt-front, and then left him. The cream of the joke was that M. really thought he was murdered, and lay there imagining himself " done for " for some time before the amused spectators could induce him to get up and go home. Sir Walter Scott says that Love rules the Court, the camp, the grove, And men below and saints above. For love is Heaven, and Heaven is love. But it seems that the rule is slightly different with re- j gard to All Saints down below. The parishioners of that interesting district are in a state described as one of " considerable misapprehension" over the projected retirement (projected by some one else) of their pastor, the Eev. Mr Bree. There does not seem to be much love lost in that home of the saints, and that which now smoulders in the form of " misapprehension" may soon burst forth into something more tangible. Every one in Auckland must remember the celebrated " Indian Corn Doctor " who honoured our city with a visit a few weeks ago, and astonished the natives by his dazzling equipage and more dazzling costume. It.nmst not be imagined that this great physician cured all diseases by that humble coreal known as " Indian corn ;" his name, in fact, only denoted that he affected the dress of a R&I Indian, and operated on those pedal tormentors of the human species called " corns." The wonderful dress and carriage were looked upon as amiable eccentricities of a man of genius, and since going South, the doctor has given] further unmistakable symptoms of genius. He has also shown that dress was not the only " kabit " in which he emulates the example of " tho noble red man." He has, it is said, discarded the " squaw " who shared his gilded chariot in Auckland—perhagß he has tomahawked her and strung her scalp to hisjgixdle — and has taken unto himself a new squaw in toe person of a

blooming, though, not blushing-barinaid in the lively little town of Timaru. Some colonial Shakspere might be able to produce an exciting drama founded on the doctor's career, to be entitled " A "Winter's Tale." Young Thinginetite started early for the Tafcapuna Races, and, as a matter of course, did not bring his; umbrella. After receiving a soaking, ho managed to borrow a very ancient and tattered member of theSairey Gamp genus from a North Shore friend, who magnanimously remarked, as he handed over the venerable relic.—"Sling the adjective thing away when you're done, with it." By putting up the umbrella, and carefully dodging the drops that trickled through the the numerous holes, Thingmotite reached the pleasant racecourse without any further wetting. All of a sudden, however, a gentle zephyr from Rangitoto rendered the ginghauu non compos mentis. Our Mend folded up the machine and shuffle along with it under his arm. Now, there is something outre in the appearance of a shut umbrella on a wet day, and Thingmetite was soon accosted by an umbrella-less acquaintance with the plaintiff appeal — I say ; if you don't want that gingham you might lend it to me. ' " It's a thing J never do," said T., without moving a muscle. Lend an umbrella ! preposterous !" Well, will you sell it," came back in even more plantiif accents than the first appeal. " Yes, you can have it for five 'bob.'" "Done." The five colonial roberta r. received with the one hand, as he handed over the umbrella with the other. And, oh ! what must have been the feelings of the purchaser when he made his first ram dodging experiment ; suffice it to say the old rum two minutes later lay trampled in the mud T expended the 5s on something- to counteract the effects of the wetting. He was a youthful, beardless, and ardent politician, and intensely patriotic withal. He was Liberal' to the backbone, and Grey to the core. He zealously advocated manhood suffrage, triennial Parliaments, and representation on the basis of population. He bitterly denounced land-sharking, gridironing, and ratting ; and no words could express his horror of the system of ' plural voting. He had no property, but of course this little fact had no influence on his views in this matter. By a series of removals he had been enabled to place his name on several electoral rolls, and had forgotten— of. ; course it was not intentional— to get his name struck from the rolls of the districts lie had left. At the late general election he wished, though a small man, toexercise two men's privileges and vote for two districts. Now, most people imngine that the fact of their names being on a roll entitles them to vote for that particular district even if they reside in another (we speak nowof the residential qualification only) , This is a great mistake— a vulgar error. It is all right if you are not challenged; but if you be challenged, you must eitherretire without voting, or by making a false declaration as to residence, let yourself in for £50 penalty. Our • little friendknow this, but being an uncommonly smart and clever little man, he thought there vras no act of ' Parliament which, by the exercise of his vast intellect, he could not circumvent. Ho, therefore, took lodgings a few days prior to the election in the district for which, he was most anxious to vote. On the eventful day hepresented himself at the polling booth, and was challenged. When the Returning Officer asked, "Do you still reside in this electoral district ?" the little man's - big heart failed him, and he faltered out a hesitating - " No," for he knew that the word " still" implied continued residence.