AT THE CORNER

Thames Star, Volume XVI, Issue 4991, 10 January 1885, Page 2

AT THE CORNER

[by nemo.]

Jlomo mm f hutnani nilril a me alieiium pulo.

Whaty droll remarks one sometimes hears iri the street. The other day, when doing the Block, I came suddenly upon two young men who were discussing the recent catch of two prodigious fiharks off Tararu, and the question was asked as to whether this particular kind of fish was good eating, whereupon the reply came— " Don't like it myself, but .ckacun a son gout." Shark'un ! , Earthquakes and apple sauce, I shudder when I reflect that dozens-of our fellow creatures are languishing in durance vile for such mild offences as bigamy and burglary, while the perpretrator of this ghastly joke is still at large. At least he should be tried for arson, and sentenced to weekly attacks of gout, for the rest of his natural life. Xx x l Earthquakes and apple sauce! It is not perhaps generally known that there was at one time a popular beverage of this name on the Thames. It was compounded of square gin and sarsaparilia (or some-tiling-equally nasty), and was in good demand by brokers and bankers ; at least I am so informed by a dainty charmer, who royally dispenses the captivating cocktail and rejuvenating julep—and? she" ought to know. : XXX There is a small boy in this town who, I fear, did not commence the New Year over happily. " When I came across the young urchin he was being escorted home | by an irate parent, carrying a strap, who had caught him whistling, and singing, and playing mud larks under the wharf, at an hour when he should have been saying his prayers. Passing the urchin's residence soon after, I heard sounds fearfully and wonderfully resembling applause, as Charles Dickens would say, and the night breeze was rent with the cries of the wounded, a la Battle of Prague, as played by young persons on the piano. I fear that the parent was actuated by a stern sense of duty, and that if the youngster went down to the sea shore with the inteutioii of boarding a fishing smack, he was greatly astonished when he found the position of affairs (and himself) reversed, and the smacks boarding him. Moral: Things do not always please us. \

la the course of my rambles about the Thames I notice that we have now two distinct types of girls—the girl proper,, or shall I say the Girl-girl, with dainty hair fastened simply in a grecian knot, and the Boy-girl, with dear little, all round, short cut, curly hair, who only requires the aid of coat, vest, and to pass for one of her own brothers or male cousins. The new idea is certainly very fetching, and it is hard to say which style one prefers, still the Soy .girl could hardly feel surprised if politely requested by a purblind pew-opener to take off her hat in church. x x x Most people are slow to-'mend their ways; so also are the local"authorities, yet it is satisfactory to notice that the road through the gasworks slough in Queen street is nearly an accomplished fact. '■'„ .' *'■; X.:;- X ...... Tn the Press telegrams from.Auckland, it is reported that Sir Julius Vogel is deriving great benefit from the Waiwera Hot Tjdkes. These must be a fresh venture of the enterprising Robert, and intended to rival the far-famed Rotorua Lakes. X X X What a pity it is that public bodies cannot or will not be managed as private, businesses are, viz., economically, and with a view to obtaining as much aspossible for money expended. Education Boards are often amusing in their behaviour, and their various eccentricities are, I suppose, to be put down to the red tape and sealing wax system they seem to to fall into. Superfluous officers must make work, or the palpableness of their sinecures might cause their departure from snug quarters. The following amusing paragraph is culled from an Otago paper :—" A letter from the Education Board was read, stating that they could not supply a renewal of hat pegs for any school; that these articles were kept in stock; that a sufficient number were put in when the building was erected ; and that replacement of these must be provided for out of the sum allowed the Committee for repairs." I suppose the youngsters attending the school applying for those pegs now provide their own nails on the wall, or hang their hats up on the floor. XXX It is rumored that the General Government intend to hand over the gold revenue collecting and distribution of fees, rents, &c, amongst the native owners of the goldfields area to the County authorities. What a treat is in store for the Treasurer ! Just imagine a scene like the following:— Enter native claimant for a share of the spoil, and log. i " Ehoa, homataku/moni." C. T.: " What do you want ? " Native : " Taku moni ra-kiahoro." G. T.: "Here, be off! and coma to-morrow. I'll ■ get the Puckey to talk to you. Hatreo. {Sottq, voce) : "Confound this miners' right business. Why did the General Government hand it ovey to uaP What dp we kn^w shout the ' wakaree tee b tcp m^ina raitee ?''' (Enter the Qhairnjan): " What's the row, Honest ?" <• Why,.Jhis Maori beggar wants some-, thing, and I'm blowcd if I can understand^ his lingo !"— Chairman : "Oh ! here, hemara yarkwy heremai upopo te Puckey kekony. Q yano the korero hari gi wah;"—(Exit Maori, disgusted and muttering) : "ICatahiano to P-akiha pourangi, me tuhilahi anahau kia to kawenatanga apopo me whakamutu tenei mahi kino." X XX | T On glancing over the onesidedj result of the recent Auckland Kise Association meeting at Henderson, the thought strikes me that another year our city neighbors may perhaps not be inclined to give our men such a cordial invitation as was accorded this time. The Thames competitors numbered about a fourth of those shooting, and they have brought back twothirds of the total prize money, p.. Weir, of the Navalej, secured no less than £16, Vol. Hawk, of the Eangers, £14, and Other Thamesitcs £10 between them, thus leaving only some £20 tQ be divided among the other shootistsi, With such a gqod result among riflemen in the Auckirovince, sorely our representatives should give a good account of themselves at the rapidly-approaching general meet« ing iD Wellington. ' XXX By the side of a certain road which Jeads in a northerly direction from the capital of the Hauraki goldfields lives a wielder of the brush, who is as noted fo? Djs seujaj Kood, Uuuior as for his super.

abii-iilniii i'il.ci.y t i,,;,, .ti iv<j i little story to relate." Tin; witnesses to the scene were few, and our doughty knight lias no doubt been consoling himself that the affair has been forgotten, but Nemo lias got wind of tbe affair, and here is the incident:—lfc was a rough and stormy day, and at the time of high water, our friend had occasion to visit one of the crafis anchored in the harbor. A boat was procured (one of those small cockleshells, about as broad as it is long, and safe enough for ordinary mortals), and a start was made. The vessel was reached in safety, the wind being astern, and presently the re* .tu/nj'ou,rney_,jr > ag,^oonamenced."---=!Bat the wind was now ahead, and the wares splashed wettjngly. However, the wharf was nearly reached, without any serious mishap, when the rower asked his companion, who was sitting in the stern, to ...move nearer, amidships. -He captiously half rose to obey, the craft gave a lurch in the troublesome waters, and heigh ! preito! a transformation scene was suddenly enacted. The inarrellous rapidity with which that boat overturned, arid the magnitude of the splash sa its occupants cleft the water, are said to have been sights worth seeing, but the scene,.on'the poor unfortunates again rising to the surface beggared descriptions Drenched, and with the upper portions of their bodies besmeared with mudj after sundry leviathan evolutions, the.shore wasjigained, ~M and after much, laughter .(on-the part of our bulky friend-s' companion)/ he of the portly frame departed for his home, a sadder, and I hope a wiser, man (in the matter of harbor-sounding at any rate). Reading the announcement that a patent had been taken out by a Miss Barton for a ''Compound Single Bed« stead " caused my pen to drop. I hare been compelled from early infancy to swallow many compounds, pillular and otherwise, but a compound bedstead—l must draw the line there. Where is the compound? Where does it come in? I know that newspaper men are, compelled to lie, but not upon compound bedsteads.