AT THE CORNER.

Thames Star, Volume XV, Issue 4892, 13 September 1884, Page 2

AT THE CORNER.

. «. [by nemo.] Homo sum, Tiumani nihil a me alienum puto. A species of electoral miasma appears to affect the Thames. " Ructions" in the Hospital Committee, and little short of volcanoes in the Borough Council. Whence all this disturbance? In the first case nothing very serious can result, but in the second much may. From the conversation in my vicinity, I judge that the Borough trouble will settle itself, and an astute ooe has said, with a vein of common sense running through his remarks, " Well, it must in the end come to wiping this quarrelsome body out; it is bound to merge in the County Council." And, judging by the way it has lately been conducting its business, anyone having a stake in the place must sincerely hope that some change will take place. lam not at all " a success " at being unhappy, and by no means at home when " a wrangle is on," but I must say that a peculiarly suspicious air surrounds the pertinaciousness of the section of the Borough Council which first of all fell iv with the idea of ignoring professional advice given to the effect that its action, through one of its officers, was wrong; then " swearing in " a man declared to be elected to fill a vacancy which did not exist; and paying no heed whatever to several warnings they received that the course they were pursuing—knowing it to be a wrong one —would not receive validation at Governmental hands. This body will most certainly, as Artemus Ward says, " get into a muss." I am glad to see that the County has taken steps to avoid any such discreditable proceedings as have occurred in the Borough.

XXX The Thames has alwajs been looked upon as a quiet, matter-of-fact, unromantic place, but I have no doubt there is plenty of material in the histories of some of our residents to form a blood curdling or a heart-stirring three-volume novel The other day I got a peep into the adventures of a late Thames youth who is leading a "life on the ocean wave" Seme seven years ago, when Cooper and Bailey s big circus was just about to sail in the Golden Sea, for South America, a lad from the northern end of our township, and who was supposed to be a ne'er-do-well, took French leave from home, and shipped on her as steward's boy. After visiting Valparaiso aud Eio de Janiero, he shipped to New York. Ho is next engaged on one of the big steamers trading to England and the Continent, though still a steward's assis> taot. IJoweyer, time rolled on, and by

steady application to his work, our youthful rose till at last the chiefstewardship—which means having some 400 persons depending on ons for sustenance, and about 30 men as assistants—was offered to, and accepted by him. So far, good, but he was not satisfied yet. He soon got on intimate terms with his captain, and was introduced to the captain's unmarried sister. Well, 'twas the " old, old story " a^ain : he fell in lore, popped the question, and in due course was accepted. Now he is a prosperous and happy parent.

A son of Caledonia forwards me the following lines in connection with a oountryman of his who, as the verses say, was enjoying himself recently at a—to him— marvellous feast, and. indiscriminately paying attention to everything coming within his reach :— "Aye, inun, the' say ane thing is unco quid Tae mat a matter o' a body's food, A thing o' fu' consideration; Bet whaur's the fun if a' ye dinna like, And a' the time yer stomach's out on strike, It must be botheration. Yell mind at times I'm vera peart. At most, Wud tac my taste hae either bilt or roast; Nae after thocht's come throublin; I've made weel free wi' what I've offered had, And at the gay sight seemed no unco bad, But set my een a bubblin'. The ane thing, aye, an' tither pass my een, I was, pairhops, weel, novel was the sceno, I'd neer seen ony similar; I took o' this an' then o' that, and felt I did my duty, and had fairly dealt Wi' a' things, c'en those ' no' familiar.'." A kindly friend who saw this gluttony, And guessed what severe mutiny. Must be the Scot's internal result, Asked this Scotian what he thought ho'ddone, He'd given his digestion lots of fan, Bnt offered nature a gross insult. A's weal's replied, "I've listened tae yer talk, I've ta'en a' sorts o' things, an' noo a wajk, Ane argument's eno', an' no' anither; The quid things pit intil ma pooch will fit, An' suld they no', I'm sair sorry for it, Mou! they'll a' hae tae fight thogither." v v> \j

The Rerised Old Testament is to be out next year, and now a Sydney paper says the Revised New is selling at half price. The greatest curiosity seems to be existent as to how the Ten Commandments will be dealt with; bow much turned upside down they will be, and whether modern convenience will be suited in altering any of them. The coretousness of man may be perhaps allowed for, as progressing daily, but that commandment relating to it will perhaps be altered. This periodical touching up of scripture hardly tends to the firm establishment of a belief that the original matter received due inspiration.

borne growling has been going on at Home over the trip of the Australian cricketers, and the London World will not allow them—as regards matches—to be gentlemen. The World contrasts them with the Philadelphia team, who, having gone to England, paid their own expenses, and humbly avoided ruffling John Bull's feathers by saying, "We only go over to learn." A Melbourne paper very justly remarks: —" Jnst so. If our boys said that, the World would not be so hard on them. We would be much interested to know how many hundreds it has ever cost the English gentlemen who came to honour us with a visit. While they are jeering at our lads for their gate money proclivities, we would venture to ask what English club ever did as our Melbourne Cricket Club, viz., invite an Antipodean team (gentlemen even included) and paid expenses. If John Bull thinks so little of the money' side of the question, why does he so perpetually harp on it ?" The most annoying part of the affair as far as I can see through it, is that England has been beaten at her own game by her own offspring, and she ought to be proud of it. XXX So Mr Selby, the Freethought apostle is to deliver himself to-morrow on " Moses and Darwin." What will he have to enlighten Thames folk with regarding two such heterogeneous characters as those are ? It is truly grotesque to imagine | where the connecting link will be found ; but found it will be, it is reasonable to think, in some fashion; and then after showing Darwin infinitely superior as a moralist and thinker, and as a man, — being more developed, of course, than Moses could have been ; he will, in the freest manner possible launch out} into praise of Darwin and contempt for the , memory of the great Jewish law-giver. He will probably make Moses appear ridiculous by comparing our state of laws and civilization with his system of laws, &c, which then admirably suited the people for whom he had to legislate. He will probably avoid pointing out that the laws and institutions which suit one age or state of society do not necessarily suit a very different age or state of society. No word of caution, depend on it, will be given here. We shall also hear a great deal about the Mosaic cosmogony, the six days, vegetation growing without sunlight, &c, &c. No word will be expressed to show that vegetation may grow without sun-light, if light came from any other source or sources having the usual properties of light. He will not dwell upon the possibility of this being the case long before light found its focus in the sun. Yet scientific men of profound learning nowadays admit this— Proctor, for instance. Mr Selby will not mind to enlighten persons on this point. Oh, no, he will adroitly look at things as they are now, and like the crab, reason backwards, as if things were always as they are now. He does not see, or, rather, will not pretend to see how necessary as an evolutionist it is that ho did so. For the nonce, mark my word, he will be no evolutionist. To the thoughtful, candid, or intelligent minds of the Thames he may do no good, but can do no harm. I would ask him to furnish an explanation of the origin of things, the origin of matter, of life, &c.

XXX The following cleverly written satires are taken from " Southern Parables," by E. Tregear, a copy of which has kindly been sent to me :— " The Water Eat.—A Pig, who had grown fat on the grains of a Brewery, and often came home late with the bow of his white necktie under his left ear, was greeted by a Water Rat, who tried to explain the advantages of temperance. • What a useful thing wa,tes is,' said the Eat. ' Yes, but X ain't a canal,' said the I Pig. 'I mean inside of you,' said the Eat. «Do you think lam the boiler of a steam engine ?' replied the Porker. • Oh, my friend/ said the persuasire

rodent, ' if you could only see thß place where I lire ! The beautiful lines of light, where the cool, rushing water fall* over the cascade, under the vaporous rainbows ! What do you think all that beauty is for ?' ' Well,' said fche Pig, 'to make beer with, of course.'—Moral: A pig's a pig for a' that." "The Donkey.—A Salvationist Donkey, who had gathered together a lot of other donkeys, said : * Let us bray," and they all brayed ' consumedly.' And while they brayed, the Donkey-in-Chief raked in the coin with both hoofs. Then a Kingfisher, who was betting on the game, said to a Tui. who was standing by, and who was ruffling up his black coat and white choker at the sight of so much filthy dross going past him: ' Wouldn't you like to scoop in the pool every time like that ?' 'No,' answered the Tui; 'we are the Regulars, we don't stoop to such courses. If pretty girls in the Choir, and Baffles, and Dances, and Christy Minstrels, and Olde Englishe Fayres won't keep us running, we'll throw dowri the hand.'—Moral: The legitimate drama doesn't pay." "The Cbab.—A Fantail, who had been driven out to sea in a gale, and had great difficulty in regaining the shore, perched on a stranded log to rest, and perceifing a large Crab zigzagging about the beach, said : ' I never saw anything like you before. Why don't you go straightP' 'I cant,' said the Crab; 'lam a professional politician. I pinch and save (here he pinched a piece out of a dead fish's tail with his saving clauses) to make a living, and bring up my family well, and, though my appearance is against me, I have a heart that beats only for Liberty and Truth. Are you on the Electoral Roll ? Pray permit me the extreme honor of shaking hands with you. 1. 'Excuse me,' said the Fantail, ' but I have an engagement elsewhere.' Moral: Never be shell* fish."