AT THE CORNER.

Thames Star, Volume XV, Issue 4809, 7 June 1884, Page 2

AT THE CORNER.

[by nemo.]

Homo sum, Tiumani.niMl a me alienum puto.

The "bulls" occasionally perpetrated; in newspaper literature are infinitely more amusing than those ordinarily credited to the average Hibernian, and two which appeared recently in a local print are calculated to provoke a smile. The para* graph opened with the statement;that a certain " occurrence " had " taken place " — surely an unpardonable piece of tautology. The writer proceeded to glibly relate the circumstances of the disappearance of certain property, nnd communicated the startling fact that the owner bad gone " to the bedroom on a table." This mo^e of locomotion is deserving of attention, and I commend it to the notice of ray readers. Perhaps it would be heretical to insinuate that the editor of the 'Tiser had laid aside for the occasion his aqueous propensities, so I won't suggest such a thing.

I am not inclined to be revolutionary, but what can be done with the lordly prig who is referred to here? We well remember what political capital the Tories made out of some inconsidc rate utterances of Mr Herbert Gladstone:—Vl wonder (says Truth) what they will say to Lord Robert Cecil. That young gentleman has brought forward a motion in the Oxford Union Society, asserting that 'The present unsatisfactory condition of the House of Commons is due principally to faults inherent in representative institutions.' The scion of the House of Hatfield was kind enough to explain that he did not propose to immediately abolish the House of Commons, but would merely take away the right to meddle with foreign affairs, while Ministers would hold office for five years independent of any possible vote of censure." I should think that a dose of birch rod, after some purgative! might stir up the sediment in this titled creature's pan—where the brain ought to be—eveu if it did not remove his apparent insanity.

While talking of goats a few clays ago, I expressed a desire to know why a factory for the preparation of kid could not be started on the Thames, and a new chum to whom I made the remark, ob« served that "kids" are too pleutiful already here. He evidently warned a " tanning " himself.

The Leap Year dance given last evening by the Thames ladies was a great success. The novel change in the order of invitation by the ladies instead of the gentle* men for several of the dances caused much amusement, though I fear that iv some cases the "engagement" was arranged before the event. Everything passed off well, and the guests separated at an early hour " i' the morn' "well pleased with the entertainment. A word should be said in praise of the hall which has been opened by Mr Douglas in so pleasant a manner: the room is capacioas, and well adapted for festive meetings such as that of last evening. I would, however, suggest that to improve the ventilation a pipe should be carried through the ceiling to the roof. This would render the room all that could be desired.

The intelligence of reporters is coming to the fore. The following if freezing " experience is worth-while patting into practice :—A remarkable result of the intensity of the late frosts has (says the Nelson Mail) been reported to us. One of our country M.H.K.'s, when travelling the other night on his speech-malting tour, remained wrapped in silence for some little time—meditating, no doubt:, upon some happy hit whereby he might enliven the dreariness of a meeting in a dimly-lighted room containing some dozen or more very matter-of-fact electors—and when at last he thought that courtesy demanded that he should make some remark to his travelling companion, and consequently essayed to speak, he found he was unable to do so, Jack Frost having been busily engaged in the iuterral since last he opened his mouth in establishing a connecting link between his moustache and beard in the shape of a series of small icicles. Some of the most wonder* ful inventions have had their origin in the purest accident, and this little occurrence has suggested to my mind an idea which might be thought out by others and utilised so as to confer one of the greatest of blessings upon this much-legislated-for country. Might not the introduction of refrigerating machinery into the House of Representatives be attended with numer* ous advantages ? As the picture of that M.H.8., with his ice bound lips, presents itself to our mind's eye, we reply, Oh* Yes, a thousand times STes.

The age of bunkum is not yet over. I read in a late paper, a marriage notice, detailing how Mr So-and-so, commanding the P. and O.s steamer " Quickrun," son of the late Rev. So-and-so, senr., was united to a girl with three names, who was a female official in a Government institute, a daughter of somebody in Edinburgh, and grand-daughter of somebody else north of the Tweed, and wondered why all this ancestry was paraded without any reason ; but, while pondering, I came across in the same column a good business marriage notice on the same principle, ..but whioh apparently had an object in view—-cheap advertising. Ifc «Q-".gy the Eev. Dr -.assisted by the Rev. Mr——.Walter Symkins Gosh, auctioneer, and manager of the Up-higher Building Society, to — - youngest daughter of Mr Firebrigade* Post and^ Telegraph Master of Sandyndge. Isowy there is something practical in the latter notice—there is something business-like in it. The auctioneer and iimlding Society will probably "»» whacks" in the "ad." Mr Gosh will save the price 'of his notice, and his various businesses will benefit bj it aa weli as himself. < ■

That "man dreat with, a little brief authority , business is rather rapidly dereloping itself in the colony in all sorts of ways. The most recent glariog instance of the follies that the poor little oreatore man -rwho in the sublimity of his self-im-portance—can be guilty of, is the high handed behariour of those Auckland J#ioensJD^ Conjmi^ionerf. Theee WB!9

the plentitudp c't powi-r.grunted them by a Purlinment not quite; sure whether ultra-radicalism, liitra-conservativism, or ultra anything else will suit the people. have hed placed in their hands a weapon wherewith to beat themselves, and most emphatic must be (lie satisfaction with which the Legislature will rnjcy itself, when it sers bow tbe demand fur local gofc-rnment, foping loud. b»s been met, and grossly abused. It may, of course, be very laudable on the part of (lie Commissioners to try nnd ressue flic people from consulting-their own con renicnce, but it would also sipppar that the said Comuiissioncr?i are not only puilty of an interference with tbe libeTly of the subject, but they arc endeavoring to ram down unwilling throats their individual opinions, and thus show their unfitness for their positions, which should be held by unbiassed and liberal men who bear not the taint, of bigotry. Another instance of poor little man's notion of himself when he gets into a position, is given in tbe Pecksniffian behaviour of the Bishop of Dunedin, which displays about as much Christian charity as might be expected to exist in the heart of a Russian knout" wielder. It appears that a minister under this Church despot has resolved to leave its profession and co in for another; viz., the law ; this has aroused his Lordship's ire, and has caused him to threaten to "degrade" bis parson. The latter has retorted on the tv quoque principle, and ,bas referred to several business transactions of a somewhat un-Bisbop»liko ,pature, which be has averred he will bring into the issue, and the state of tbe case is that His Lordship says be won't be bounced, but he will take what steps be dhooßes; he, however, shows an inclination to think twice before indulging in driving the parson into a position entailing too much exposure.