The Bad Boy as a Freemason.

Thames Star, Volume XIV, Issue 4429, 15 March 1883, Page 2

The Bad Boy as a Freemason.

HE aiVBS HIS I'ATHEB THE BUMPBB ':, DBasBE. ,; . ;.' " Say, are you a Mason or a nodfello'W, or anything? 'I asked the Milwaukee bad boy to the grocery man, as he went to the cinnamon bag on the shelf and took out a long stick of cinnamon-bark to chew. 11 Why, yes, of course I am. Bat what set youX thinking of that!" asked the grocery man as he went to the desk and . charged the boy's father with half a pound • of cinnamon. " Well, do the goats bunt when you nishiate a fresh candidate!" " No,- of coarse not. The goats "art cheap ones, they hare no life, and we muzzle them and put pillows over their, heads, ao they can't hurt anybody," saidthe grocery man as he wink'fd at a brother Odd Fellow who was seated on a sugar barrel, looking mysterious. " But why do you ask ? " _ - ♦'Oh, nuthin', only I wished'me and • my chum had muzzled our goat- with a pillow. Fa would hare enjoyed becoming a member of our lodge better. You see,^ pa had been telling us how much good the Masons aud Oddfellows did, and said we ought to try and grow up good -so we could jine the lodges when we got big, and I asked pa if it would do any hurt for us to hare a play lodge in .my room, and purtend to nishiate, and pa said\. it wouldn't do any hurt. He said it would improve oar minds and learn us to be men. So my chum and me borried a goat that lives in a livery stable and carried him up to my room when* pa and km were out riding, but the goat blatted 80 we -had to tie a handkerchief around-his* — nose, and his feet made such a.noise, on the floor that we put some baby sock*- on his feet. Well, sir, my chum and me practised with that goat until he. could- •<>- bunt a - picture, of a goat eTery ■: time. We borried a buck beer sign from a saloon man and hung it on the back of a chair, and the goat would hit it every time. That night pa wanted to know what we were doing up in my j room and I told him we were. playing , lodge and improving our minds and pa said that was right, there was nothing that did boys of our age half so mu«h good ai 1 to, imitate men, and store by useful nql--1 lidge. Then my chum asked pa if ' he didn't want to come up and take the grand bumper degree, and pa latfed and said he didn't care if he did, just to encourage ut boys in innocent pastime, that was so improving to our intellex., We had shut the goat up in a closet in my roomj and ho had got over blatting, so we took off the handkerchief, and he was eating some of my paper collars and skate straps. ' •• We went upstairs and told pa to come up pretty soon and gire three distinct raps, and when we asked him who cornea - there he must say a • pilagree who wants'; to join your ancient order and ride the' :;- goat.' Ma wanted to come up, too, but

we told her ifjhe came in it would break .Up the lodge, ' cause a woman couldn't keep a secret, tn& we didn^ have any side ■addle for the goat. Say, if you never tried it, the next time you nishiatc a man in your Mason's lodge, you sprinkle a little kyan peppnr on the goat's beard afore you let him loose. You can get three times as much to the square inch of goat. You wouldn't think it was the ] same goat. Well, we got fixed and pa l rapped, and let him in and told him he ] must be blindfolded,' and he got on his knees a laffing, and I tied a towel around his eyes, and then I turned him round j and made him get down on his hands also, and them his back was right towards the closet door, and I put the buok beer sien right, against pa's clothes. ' He was a laifing all the time, and said we were full of fan «« we made'em, and we ": told him it was a solemn occasion,, and if he didn't stop laffing wo couldn't give him the grand bumper degree. Then everything was ready, and my chum had his.hand,on the closet door,' and some kyan pepper in the other hand, and I asked pa in low bass tones if he felt as , ..though he wanted to turn back, or if he had nerve enough to go ahead and take „ the degree. I warned him it was full of danger as the goat wag loaded for bear, had time to retrace hi* steps if fee wanted to. He said he wanted the whole biziness . «okJ we could go ahead with the menagerie. Tbes I said to pa if he decided to go ahead, hot to blame us for the consequence, to repeat after me the Mowing ; ' Bring forth ' the Royal Bomber, and let him Bump !' Fa repeated the words, and my chum sprinked the kyan pepper on the goat's moustache, and he sneratd once and . looked sassy, and then he see the lager beer, goat rearing up, and he started at it ■ just like a cow catcher and blatcd. . fPa is real fat, but he knew he had got hit, and he granted and said, 'Hell's- ■, fire! what you boys doiu'P" and then the .. goat gave him another decree, and pa < pulled off the towel and got up and ■ started for the stairs, and so did the goat, and ma was at the bottom of the stair's listening, and when .1 looked over the banisters pa and ma and the goat were all ' in a heap, and pa was-yelling murder, and ma was screaming fire, and the goat was blatting and sneezing, and bunting, and the hired girl, came into the hall and the goat took after her, and sbe crossed herself just as the goat struck and said, 'Holy mother 1, protect me !' and went downstairs the way the boys slide down hill, with both hands on herself, and the goat reared up and blatted, and pa and ma went into their room and sbut the door, and then my chum and, me opened the front door and drove the goat out. The minister, who comes to see ma every three times a week, was' just ringing the bell, and the goat thought he wanted to benishiated too, and gave him one for ltfck. and then went down the sidewalk blatting and sneezing, and the minister came in the parlor and said he wai stabbed, and then pa came out of hit room with his suspenders hanging down, and as he didn't know the minister was there, he said cuss words, and ma cried and told him he would go to bell, sure, and £a said he didn't care, he would kill the leased goat afore he went, and I told pa the minister was in the parlor, and he and ma j went-down and said the weather was propitious for a revival, and it seemed as though an outpouring of the. , spirit , was about to be vouchsafed to His people, and none of them sot, down but ma, 'cause the goat did not hit her, and while they was talkin' religion with! their mouths, and eussin 1 the-goat inwardly, my chum and me adjourned the lodge, and I went and stayed with him all night, and I hain't i been home since;, but I don't believe pa will liok me, 'cause r he said he would not hold nt responsible for the eonsequances. He ordered the goat hisself, and we filled the order; don't you see ?, Well, I guess I will go and sneak in the back way and find out from the hired girl.bow the land lays. She won't go back on me, 'cause the goat was, not. loaded for hired girls. She just happened togetin at the wrong time.; Good- bye, sir. Remember and give your goat kyan pepper in your lodge."

(For remainder o/Neios see Fourth Page.)