Mr. Spoopendyke Swearing-off Smoking.

Thames Star, Volume XIV, Issue 4400, 9 February 1883, Page 4

Mr. Spoopendyke Swearing-off Smoking.

r "My dear," ;said' Mr Spoopendyke, rumpling his hair around over his head, and gazing at himself in the glass, " my dear, do you know.l think I smoke too much. It doesn't agree with me at all."----"Just what I always £houe»»t," chimed Mrs Spoopendyke; " an&besides, it makes the room smell so. You U now this room —" " I'm not talking about the room," retorted Mr Spoopendyke, with a snort. " I'm not aware that it affects the health of the room. I'm talking about my, health this trip, and ! think I'll-"break off short. You don't catch me smoking any more ;■". and Mr, Spoopendyke yawned and stretched him': lelf, and plumped, down in his easy chiii'iy and glared out of the window at the 'faini "How are you going .to. break offp,".in«, quired Mrs Spoopendyke,' drawing iip'her •«ewing»chair, and gazing~up hrttrlrer'bmr?band's face admiringly. "I suppose the best way is not to think of it at all." " The best way fis for you to sit there and cackle about it \" j growled Mr Spoopendyke. " If anything will distract my attention from it that will. Can't you think of something else to talk about P Don't ye know some subjects that don't smell like a tobacco plantation?" "Certainly," coo?d Mrs , Spoopendyke, rather nonplaSßedL"We might talk about the rain. I suppose this is really the equinox. How long will it last, dear ?" " Hang the equinox!" sputtered Mr Spoopendyke. " Don't ypu; know, that when a man quits smoking it depresses him? What d'ye want to talk about depressing things for P flow's the time to make mo cheerful. If ye.don't know any .cheerful things, keep quiet." "Of course,", assented Mrs Spoopendyke, "you want subjects that wilb draw your .mind away from the habit of smoking like you .. used to. Won't it be nice when the long winter evenings come, and tbe fire is lighted, and you have your slippers and paper ——- " " That's just the time I Want a cigar !" roared Mr Spoopendyke, bounding'around in his chair and scowling at bis wife. " Ain't ye got sense enough to shingle your tongue for a minute p The, way. you're keeping it up, you'll drive me; back 'to my habit in less than an hour," he continued solemnly, " and then my blood be on your head !" " Oh, dear ! " sighed Mrs Spoopendyke, " I . didn't mean to. Did you notice about the comet ? They say it is going to drop into the sun and burn up " " There ye go again!" yelled Mr Spoopendyke. *• You can't open your mouth without suggeatingsomethingthatbreaksmedown! What d'ye want to talk about fire for P Who wantg fire when he's stopped smoking? Two minutes more and I'll have a pipe in my mouth!" and Mr Spoopendyke groaned dismally in contemplation of the prospect. " I'm glad your going to stay to-day," continued „ Mrs .. Spoopendyke, soothingly. * " You'd be sure to catch cold if you went out; and by t and by we'll -. have a piping hot dinner-—" " That's

- it! " squealed Mr Spoopendyke, bounding oat of bis chair and plunging around the room. "Yon'd got to say something about a pipe ; I knew how it would be ! You want me to die! You want me 'o smoke myself into an early grave 2 You'll fetch it I Don't giro yourself any un-« easiness ! You're on the track ! " aod Mr Spoopendyke buried his hands in his hair and shook convulsively. "Imeant it for the best, dear,", murmured Mrs Spoopendyke. " I thought I was drawing— "—.*' " That's it," gasped Mr Spoopendyke. " Drawing I You've driven me to it instead of keeping me from it. You know how its done. All you need sow is a lightening rod and a dish of milk toast-to-be an inebriates' home. Where's that cigar I left here, on the mantel P Gimme my'death warrant! Show me my imported doom 2 Drag forth my minia* ture coffiu." And Mr Sponpendyke swept the contents of the shelf upon the floor and howled dismally. " Isn't that it P" asked Mrs Spoopendyke, pointing to a small pile of snuff on' the chair in wbich Mr Spoopendyke had been sitting. " That looks like it." " W»h,"yelled Mr Spoopendyke, grasping his hat and making for the door. " Another time I-swear off you go into the country, you hear," and Mr Spoopendyke dashed out of the house and steered-for the nearest,tobacco shop. " I don't care," muttered Mrs Spoopendyke, "when be swears off again. I'm willing to leave, and in the meantime I suppose he'll be healthier without his pipe. so'l'll hang it on the wall, where he'll never think of.looking for it." And having consigned the tobacco to the flames, Mrs Spoopendyke gathered her sewing materials. around her, and .double clinched an old resolution never to lose-her temper, no matter what happened.—American Traveller. ;" '