EDISON OUTDONE.

Thames Star, Volume VIII, Issue 2986, 10 September 1878, Page 2

EDISON OUTDONE.

rHE GrBEAT PhoNOPHLEG, OB HUSBAND'S Delight. Professor Wuffix, the eminent inventor, honored the State with a visit this morning. A reporter, noted for his volubility, sngaged.him^in conversation. The ProFessor listened very patiently, but at length casually placed his left hand on the reporter's knee. 'The flow of talk at- • pnee moderated, and the Professor, availing himself of the opportunity, placed his right hand on.the other knee. Within two seconds the reporter was fast asleep. " How was it done ? " asked the astonished editor, who witnessed', the. performance. • "♦ """ * •«••--'. " Come this way and I will show you," L said Mr Wuffix.' •...-.*•,_ | Stepping into a private room, he threw 1,, up his coat tai's and disclosed between" his shoulder blades what appeared to be a 99 cent.-block. 00 ....... > " That," said' he, "is a battery; the wire of which extend-under my-coat*-sleeves to the palm of my hands, as you see," showing the ends of the wires in his hands. " These ends;.'the- electrodes or positive and negative pole of the battery, are saturated (see here the little sponges) with a solution of double distilled strychv nine and morphine. - The former produces i paralysis of the tongue, the latter induces sleep, and tbat is the whole..instrument. •It is the reverse of the phonograph, the one being a talking machine, the other a jmachine to stop talk." i• " And whafe is ft,good for? " , „,.,-,* ; "It is too early_yst to say what'the ultimate,results of it may be,, though I regard it'as "the greatest ,qf .all" my invest itions; but we may already conceive 1'" several benign purposes which it will' subserve." , •■.,.' ' "For example, what?"... : '. r ','. n ', ,-• | "Let us suppose" 'said the 1 learned professor, " that the head of the family *o far forgets himself as, t,o imagine} .that there is immediate need of, him, down town the moment he swallows his breakfast—in other words, that his business is of importance and demands attention. The, being whom he,.adores, under .the stimulus of coffee, begins "to, stream in" idea 3or their substitute', called words'—" ,' •'Aha!W;s a id:the; .'editdr,-^Fseeil I " Placing both hands on her shoulders he bestows- a 'salute on her radient arid Unsuspecting brow, and by the* .tinte' t!iiw* is fairly' awake, ho. is comfortably quartered in his counting house." ; " Just so. Can) you /mention! anfother case ? " . "On these trying occasions, when, in theihallway>of any residence, the visiting^ female and the female visited began to in<4 dulge in |those, simultaneous and, interminable vocal interchanges with which all are mnhappily too familiar, the visiting male"" and the male visited have it in their power by secret co-'bperalion, to bring about as it were an abrupt but ; at the same time unsupected, harmless and pleasurable suspension- oTpoufparlers 1, and thus to escape, these .unseemly and; quickly regret* led explosions of irascibility to wh'.ch th'emalea, both visiting/arid visited,, are., too often subject so soon as they are aloWt with' the respective parla'cers theijc\ matrimonial felicity." ' : '-:>■«■ ■« •:"Exactly;" exclaimed our editor^ " but what name do you propose for your invaluable instrument ? " „ / ~ ~ "-" , "Its technical name will be the "Phonophleg, or Sound Consumer,' but it will popularly, be known ..as 1 tlje i';Ha[s« band's Delight.'" | ' "And will it be, cheap, ? ",,,, " It will be within the reac&'oven of the professional journalist." . The auswer being entirely satisfactory, ' the. professor was tired, out and departed. —Richmond (Ya.)" State. ' " ~' " '"' '* ''