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Thames Star, Volume VII, Issue 2570, 3 April 1877, Page 2

Convenient fob Johnny.—-A few months ago one of the masters of a grammar school died. The school building closed ou the day of: the funeral. Johnny Smith spent the time playing by a pond near his house. A few days since his. mother.sent him, to school as usual, but Johnny preferred playing by the pond,. where he met his father. His father inquired why he was not at school. Johnny said there was no school, and, when pressed for a reason, replied/ triumphantly, " That man is read .again"]" ': ■ ■.' ■'"' ■ :;/: 'i;; ■' ;- v- '." :

Nothing But the Jaws.—Dave— " Can ye gie's a pipe, John ? " John—. •' Ou aye " (hands him one almost empty). Dave—" Hae ye* ony tobacco ?" John— " Yes, yes, lad; I can gie thee that tae " (hands him a " fill "). Dave (after filling) —'• Hao ye a match, John ? " John (to third person standing by)—" Guidness, he has naething but the jaws ! " , A Natjticai. Authobity.—A certain First-Lord of the Admiralty,.on his .first trip down the Thames in rather a leaky vessel, observed the men working the pumps. "Dear me!" he said. "I did not know you. had a well: on board, captain ; but I am really very glad, as I do detest river water." ■ - ■ A French writer, in describing the trading powers of the go-a-head Yankee, said," if he was cast away upon a desolate island, he'd get up next morning and go round selling maps to the inhabitants."