Everybody knows the legend of Johnny Sands, who, having

Thames Star, Volume VII, Issue 2563, 24 March 1877, Page 2

Everybody knows the legend of Johnny Sands, who, having

A scolding wife, Full of caprice and whim, Declared that lie was tired of life, And she wo tired of him. The lady, so the legend goes, was averse to his committing suicide, but. not arerse to. his departure from this world, and so consented to take his life herself, he being a consenting party thereto. To those who find, life wearisome and yet cannot, like Hamlet, make up their minds to make away with themselves, consider- | ing that suicide is vulgar and hanging common, it may be a comfort to know that the mantle of Mrs Johnny Sands nee Betty Hague has fallen on other shoulders, and that (according to the Advertiser) Mr Lowe "ib prepared to take the lives of as many as feel disposed." Should there be a panic in Moanatairis, those who have not.speculated .wisely but too much may prefer that method of discharging their v liabilities to the easier though longer process of going through p]g Court. It would seem, though, that \ their lives are to be taken at the office of Mr G-. IS". Brassey, and if that be so the Borough Council ought to interfere as a slaughterhouse in the. town is prejudicial to the health of the Borough. , The fees for execution are not stated.

; Not^the leastcurious parts of newspapers- are theadvertisements, and everybody who reads them seesthat there are more things in them than were, perhaps,, dreamed of by him in his philosophy. Qne gentleman, for instance, advertised in Auckland that he was willing to sell saddles, " made expressly for butchers and other heavy work." Butchers are often heavy, but not more so in general than any otbier men; Perhaps, however, they patronize the cafe of the Auckland Hotel, where " Ail the delicacies of the season are provided at each meal." If at each meal they eat some of all the delicacies of the season, their heavy weight is easily accounted for. "Sheets of Auckland " are also advertised at prices varying from twopence to ninepence each. A reasonable price enough if a guarantee were given that they had not been used at the R.M. Court..

. Everybody;knows how busy the;;stockbrokers have been lately. The day for some washardlj long ; enough for the transaction of business; for one the week even was too short, and ho required part of the seventh to '■/■*:' do up.".:;his books* If he feels^it; necessary to do so again it would be as well for him not to sit .too near an open window during church hours, or he will again lay himself open to the charge of preferring scrip to scripture. .■.;... <. .

: In the time when-the' •' heroic brigand Garibaldi," as a certain Major palled that

warrior, was at the zenith of his fame, everybody who had occasion to go to London was made painfully aware of a popular ditty sung by the youth of that town with peculiar shrillness, the words of which were— \

I wish. I had a penny, ■ What for? What for? To buy a rope to hang the Pope ■? And fight for Garibaldi. The words are not much in themselves, but if any cf the followers of Dr Wallis chose to sing in the streets they might sing them, altering the third .line of course, so that the rope may be wished for in order to suspend the Counties Act. There is one advantage the followers of Dr Wallis will have over the would be supporters of Garibaldi, and that is that that gentleman (the W not the G) has already procured a rope and exhibited the same openly, so that those who are of a parsimonious turn of mind need not be afraid of joining his crusade on the score of having to subscribe to the rope. Besides, if funds run short the rev. gentleman might exhibit the gallows on which the Act is to be suspended—for a reasonable remuneration of course—and even the person vi ho is to act as amateur' execuI tioner.

Everybody has heard of concentrated .essence of beef and other concentrated essences, and the advertisements which speak of their various excellencies , mention the places where these things are sold. It is not true that concentrated essence of sense is sold at the corner (not Tattersall's) in lame or small parcels to suit customers. The brokers being sellers are never sold, though the buyers may be.

If anybody is not near a bank, notes, especially oh a Saturday—more especially if they are " fivers "—are.hard to change, most especially if the hour is near twelve o'clock (the same day being Saturday). Let one instance suffice. A man to-day had a fiver, he wanted change, it was not convenient to go to Grahamstown, so he went to a public hoase, asked for a glass of beer, tendered his note, and requested change The landlord had change, but it was inconvenient to part, bo said pay next time. Five times did that owner of a fiver go into houses, and drink five glasses of beer without paying; there and then the glasses of beer like Moanatairis rose, higher and higher until they (the glasses)* like them (the Moanatairis) mouuted to his brain. He rosolved to pay ; hailed the nearest cab; got to the bank in time; told the driver to .wait; got .his note changed'; gave the driver half a sovereign instead of sixpence, and came back and paid five times three pence where he did not owe anything.. He wasn't taken up for being intoxicated, so no novelist or American paper need copy this true paragraph.