What Everybody Says.

Thames Star, Volume VII, Issue 2539, 24 February 1877, Page 2

What Everybody Says.

"In multitude of counsellors there is safety." , , —Old Provbrb

Everybody knows that there are many things which when first spoken of are regarded as ridiculous and deserving of nought but laughter, but which when looked into and considered carefully are found to be capable of producing beneficial results. JSW everybody laughed the other day at the idea of the Mayor and the trading citizens of the Thames forcing two such eminently respectable men as Messrs DeLias and Emmet to rise from their repose and bear testimony to their excellence as serenaders, but though not much good might result from such a proceeding, yet the idea with a little alteration might with advantage be carried out. Everybody knows that the Hospital, like everybody else, wants money, and if asked to admit that it was a very excellent institution would probably exclaim, " that's so." For this Hospital benefits are often got up,. the result being a net gain to the funds. The Mayor and Borough Council are noted for their desire to benefit deserving" institutions. Why should they j not give a benefit for the Hospital, if not in serenading attire at least in that of the modern Christy Minstrel ? They would have an excellent company of ten, besides the Town Clerk to act as prompter, and as everybody would like to; see them the result would be sure to be a pecuniary success, as no expense would be incurred save a small sum for gas, advertising, room, and burnt cork. The Mayor no doubt would make an. excellent Johnson, and the doctor with a large shirt collar would naturally operate on bones, and Councillor Gibbons would have an opportunity of displaying his ability as Tambo. Eegarding the other parts Cr. Howe might want to play first fiddle, but on the whole it would be best perhaps to let him be content with blowing his own trumpet, and allow Cr Ehrenfried to take the first fiddle, with Cr Wilson, of course, to play the second. Cr Macnab would play the harp well, especially if he: was obliged to keep to one string. Crs Kenshaw and Head could take any instrument which did not involve much practice, and Cr Butt officiate in such capacity as would enable him to leave after the first ten minutes. This style of entertainment would go well. There would have to be a few stories, but these might be invented easily, and a few conundrums, but these need not be of a high order of wit, for if they were made personal and rude enough, everybody at the Thames would be sure to laugh at them. For instance, Johnson might begin in the usual manner by speaking to Bones and Tambo, and then

the former could ask the latter a riddle, as thus: ' Bones : Say, Tambo. Tambo-: Well, Bones. Bones : Can you answer dis riddle? Tambo : Let's hear it. Bones: Jf de gentleman who plays de trumpet were to turn butcher, what bone would he cut most often ? (Tambo of course would guess, and then " gib it up," whereon Bones might respond, why the aitch-bone, of course. Laughter.) Whereon Tambo might retort on Bones, by asking him why he was not likely to be elected to the dignity of the highest Municipal office for the next year ? This being given up the reply might be made, " Because the ratepapers prefer a dark horse to a Grey mare." The band could then strike up a joyous strain, and Bones and Tambo favor the audience with a clog dance. The idea is worth a trial.

They appear to have queer ways of conducting parish meetings at Hamilton. Judging from the language used by the Waikato Times the occasions when churchwardens, vestrymen, &c, are elected are seasons of conviviality, as in recording what was done at the last parish meeting held there the Waikato Times adds, " votes of thanks all round added to the hilarity of the occasion, and the meeting terminated." It is to be hoped that the meeting was not uproarious as well as hilarious, because it so they must have been very tired before they had given the customary applause which follows a vote of thanks, as these votes, it is said, went all round, everybody proposing everybody else.

TEverybody has been talking about " Fritz," some exalting the principal actor to the skies, others professing that they could not see much in him. It would be strange indeed if everybody's opinion coincided, and it was probably with a view not to displease any one who might chance to differ from it that the Thames Advertiser contented itself with, republishing notices of the performance taken from the printed extracts from the London papers, instead of writing a notice of its own. There was a good deal. to surprise many in the performance of " Fritz," and with that thirst for knowledge which is characteristic of the human race many questions have been sent to the papers asking for information on certain points. The following are the answersjsent to some of the inquisitive ones, each word at the head of each paragraph being, of course, the norn de plume of the writer. So many were sent, that somebody who said that everybody had "Fritz" on the brain, was asked the question " Is dat so?"—

L'encre —You are right in imagining that a judge must be very stoney-hearted to throw ink in the face of his clerk,, and no burgess at the Thames would tolerate such treatment. We do not know if the custom is prevalent in America. Cricketer —We were sitting too far from the Captain of the Eleven to hear whether he actually used the words " How's that?" when Fritz caught his child from the mill-wheel in the last act. For the same reason we cannot say whether his friend in front of him said " Chuck it up." All we can record is that a Scot behind us said "It was verra weel done."

Eope trick—You ask us how Katarina became untied from the chair in which she was bound ? We cannot telL Perhaps she had learned the rope .trick ; at any rate this is more probable than your suggestion, that she had some Fay to assist her. ,f

Costuimer-—We imagine the dilapidated dresses used by two characters in the last,act of Fritz 1 were purchased elsewhere. We know one can find Bags at Grahamstown and Tatters at Parawai, but have reason to believe that these are not for ; sale at present. . ■ .. Cantator-—We do not think that Mr Emmet was alluding to a local amateur singer of some celebrity when giving the song, "Oh ! Shonnie was a nice young man," although no doubt the phrase might be made to apply. Fieldsman—We believe you are right. If the twenty-two of Auckland had shown themselves as capable of judging a catch a a did Fritz when he caught his child, England would not have beaten them

in one innings. Spectator—You are correct in thinking that the views of the sceneshifter's legs afforded in running on the back scenes were not necessary to- the action of the piece, or an addition to the beauty of the scenery. Parasite—When your friend remarked that the play went off without an 'itch, we do not fancy he was referring.to an actor in Auckland being sent away with a flea in his ear on Friday night last week. Morepork—We do not think the sausages brought on the stage last night were made by steam, but if your forebodings are true, and you find that those same sausages are, on the termination of the present season, exposed for sale you had better give information to the proper authorities. You can easily distinguish the string in question as the three last are rather damaged where they hit the player of the bass viol on the nose.

It is, not everybody who likes long sermons, and the clergymen are often criticised on the score of length. It is iiot the clergy alone who are ,to blame for thus, taxing people's patience, for the Rev. Mr Jordan being absent from Tauranga his place was "worthily filled " by a Mr Quintal who preached for five and thirty minutes. The discourse is said to have been "sound," but nothing is «aid of the slumbers of the hearers. . ; ;