HOW IS THE "FYING SURVEY" TO BE ACCOMPLISHED?

Thames Star, Volume VII, Issue 2509, 20 January 1877, Page 3

HOW IS THE " FYING SURVEY" TO BE ACCOMPLISHED?

(To the Editor of the Evening Star.)

Sib,— Having read in your issue of last evening a letter signed "Reflex," that Mr Mitchell moved a resolution that " a ' flying survey ' of the County be made by the chairman accompanied by the surveyor," I was, owing to the chnracter of the proposal, at; considerable difficulty in the solution of the mystery, when, owing to long study in natural history, it dawned upon me that the proposer himself belonged to the genus "Strix" (Linnasus) ; Maori, " koukou ; " British " howls." I was next perplexed with the idea of starting the chairman and surveyor "flying," as both seemed "unlikely" birds, though by continued research I found that according to Dicksonius Wickamus (a writer of no mean authority).the surveyor was really a bird in class A.A., which, on reference to a copious ornithological dictionary at my disposal, proved' to be Apteryx Australis, but to my entire dismay, and what will probably destroy the fruition of the "howl's" scheme.ifindtheApteryxtribe do not. possess wings—" hinc illse lachrymse." Deduction—the surveyor must walk! Failing to find the Chairman in the dictionary referred to, and believing that should the Council advertise for persons willing to "tender" for the supply of " organs of flight," (and that the public, owing to the fate of recent contractors, might fail to tender), which, though according to specification, might like those of Dsedalus of old " cave in," and probably result in the downfall of the chairman, I next consulted Purloins " Dicfcionaire dcs Animeaux Volantes," and found that the chairman belonged to a family of "mammiferous bipeds," known to naturalists as " Cheiroptera " or handwinged, having exceeding sharp cutting, and acutely tuberculated "jaw" teeth, to Linnaeus as Vespertilio Spectrum, to men of ordinary attainment as "Vampire bats," and Maories as Peka Peka, which are well known for their natural capacity or instinct of soothing their prey and then " sucking " the vital fluid. This may seem a strange view, but it is the only one in accordance with, natural history science, and all must admit that the synonym is applicable to the Chairman, who by soft incantation and bland expression, having soothed the ratepayers, commences to extract the rttal fluid from their pockets. This would in all cases be necessary for the due administration of the Act, and were the coin fairly and honestly apportioned no person would complain, but in the "flying survev'' scheme, "when poor "Gryllus," Linnaeus, Maori Mawhitiwhiti, Anglice " Grasshopper," resented injudicious, unnecessary and extravagant expenditure, he was immediately "limbed " by the Morepork, who seemed to have an insectiverous disinclination. " Birds of a feather flock together," and I omitted one feature which is common to Both Vampire and Morepork, viz., that both " fly by night" and are alike unable to use the organs of sight during the day. Ergo, the Chairman will have to do all his survey on "night shift," which in certain localities might result in loss of limb or entire dissolution, to the detriment of the County system, and the regret of a numerous circle of admiring friends. Motto—" If the blind lead the blind shall not both fall- into the ditch ? " Deduction—" Stay at home."—l remain, &c, P. A. Pulleine. Eyre street, Shortland, Jan. 20th, '11.