LAUCHIE M'SPORRAN'S FIRST VOTE.

Temuka Leader, Issue 2396, 8 September 1892, Page 4

LAUCHIE M'SPORRAN'S FIRST VOTE.

(Concluded from August 30.) At length the election morning came. The great event of the day was the arrival of Lauchie and Janet at the polling station, seated in the meal cart. As they drove through the jeering crowd in front of the polling booth they were greeted with cries ' Meal's up!' 'A penny a peck!' and numerous other salutations of a like character.

Only to one of these Lauchie condescended to reply. A very small boy had squealed: ' Wha ca's yer wheel when ye're frae hame, Lauchie ? ' upon which'the miller sputterred out :• If I hat your heid in ta wheel, ye would know t,atwi'oot spokin'.' As the horse stopped in front of the polling-booth, two touts, wearing the red and blue celors respectively, ran forward to assist the miller to alight. Lauchie was too excited to observe their whereabouts. Flinging his heels wildly into the air, he descended blindly on their shoulders, knocking them both into the gutter. Before they could recover the perpendicular, an active young Radical had directed Lauchie into the booth.

' Is t'is ta place tae vote for tae whusky and ta coos ?' enquired he of the polling-clerk. ' This is the place to vote for the election of a member of Parliament,' was the reply. 'Maybe t'at is ta blace richt wey to spoke,' assented Lauchie. 'So shust give meta papers, and she'll mak' it all richt.' ' Your name and address ?' demanded the clerk.

'What for you ask her name and address, you impidence scoundrel? You'll do get neither name and address from Lauchie M'Sporran, o Sneeshin Mill, Gartalioolichan,as long as she draw ta life of breath !'

' Very well. Here's your paper.' < Oh yes. She'll thocht she mak you a sensible mans. Now give meta papers for ta meal cart ootside wi Shanet.'

'ls Janet your wife? ' enquired the clerk, highly amused. ' You hangst scoondrel. Would you try to placken ta dacent woman's character? You won't give her ta papers for Shanet, won't you? Well, she'll maype pe as cleffor »or yon whatefer.'

And so saying Lauchie stepped behind the adjacent curtain. I hope I am not unlawfully infringing on the secrecy of the ballot by relating Lauchie M'Sporran's proceedings there. Taking up the pencil, Lauchie put a bold cross opposite the name of Lord D'Acres Keepdeer, saying, ' T'at for ta whusky!' Not content with this, he made another cross opposite the name of Mr Bagganall Bolter, with the accompanying remark, ' Tat's for ta coo ?' With indignity to Janet fresh in his mind, he continued : ' And ta impidence of a clairk said that Shanet had no vote! But Lauchie M'Sporanr is too more for him. So there's Shanet's vote for ta whusky, and there's Shanet's vote for ta coo', and down went two crosses opposite the respective names. Half-an-hour later Lauchie was observed by the polling-clerk pacing restlessly through the booth. The clerk demanded what he was waiting for.

' For ta coo, of course,' said Lauehie, pulling a rope from his pocket. ' You see, she'll wass shust thoct she would tak' home ta coo her nainsel', an' maybe you wass gif her ta shullin' or ta half-croon for saving you all ta trouble.'

'What do you mean by all that nonsense ? There's no cow belonging to you here.' 'Hooy! hooly! Take good care what you'll spoke,' replied Lauehie, getting warm. 'lfyou don't delifer up ta coo, an' t'at directly, she'll haf you tookit to ta offish, and fined thirty shullin's imprisonment, ay, and maybe hangtforbye.' ' What on earth made you think you were to get a cow here ?' responded the clerk.

' What on earth made her think it ? Did ta ghentleman no come to Sneeshin' Mill and told her that she was to come here and gif her vote and then she would get ta coo, ay, and three acres of goot land, moreofer. she'll wass give her vote, so she'll haf ta coo, or py ta top of Ben Nevis, she'll smash ta pox and ta papers, and makit ta pig plaze. Ay, will she no'? 5 At this point a signal from the clerk called jn two policemen, who rushed at Lauehie and ' evicted ' him ignominiousip into the middle of the street. It was only such a physical demonstration that could have convinced Lauehie of the futility of his erstwhile fondlycherished hopes. But he tons convinced. Amid the jeers of the bystanders, tie mpunted the meal-cart beside Janet, and diw£ off home, an angry and disappointed man, i aijd. so wass Shanet too.'