THE TABLES TURNED.

Temuka Leader, Issue 2226, 11 July 1891, Page 3

THE TABLES TURNED.

In America recently a Mrs Duniway at a literary reunion was put up to propose the toast of " The Gentlemen," and this is how she did it:— "The Gentlemen,"—"Bless 'em! They halve our joys, they double our sorrows, they treble our expenses, they quadruple our cares, they excite our magnanimity, they increase our self-respect, awake our enthusiasm, arouse our affections, control our property, and out-manoeuvre us in everything. This would be a dreary world without them. In fact, I may say,; without prospect of successful contradiction, that -without them this wouldn't be much of a world anyhow.; We love them, and the dear things can't help it; we control them, and the precious fellows don't know it. As husbands, they are convenient, though not always on hand; as beaux they are by no means 'matchless.' They are the most agreeable as visitors ; handy at State fairs, and indispersable at oyster saloons. Theyi are splendid as escorts for some other fellow's wife or sister, and as friends they are better than women. As our fathers, they are inexpressibly grand, A man may be a failure in business, a wreck in constitution, not enough \ to boast of as a beauty, nothing as a i wit, less than nothing 'as a legislator for women's rights, and not very brillisnt as a member of the Press; but if he is our own father we overlook his shortcomings, and cover his peccadillos with the divine mantle of charity. Then, as our husbands, how we love to parade them as paragons ! In the sublime language of the poet — We'll lie for 'em, We'll cry for 'em, And if we could, we'd fly for 'em; We'd do anything but die for 'em.

Four rods make a rood, but one rod can take the rudeness out of quite a number.

The man who is perfectly wrapped up in himself is easily done up by other people. We are not so much worried about where we will spend the New Year as where we will get the money to spend it with.

A lady, about to sally forth on New Year's Day, held out her hand to. see if it were raining. At that moment an errand-boy, who came whistling down the street, took hold of the hand, and gave it a hearty shake and said: " 'Appy New Year missus! " In a letter to the London* Daily News—one of the leading journals—a Mr E. F. Millar makes the following statement: —It has been proved that two sparrows during the breeding season will destroy as many as 3300 caterpillars in one week, and efforts have lately been made in New Zealand to introduce the sparrow,, in order to save the corn crops from the attacks of insects.

The Mikado of Japan is the first sovereign whom his subjects have been allowed to behold in person. Japanese etiquette having for ages required the strictest seclusion for sacred majesty. Unfortunately, perhaps, for the preservation of that divinity which doth hedge a" King, he is an ulgy little man with thick lips, low forehead, dull eyes, and scanty beard. But his bearing, like Queen Victoria's, is full of dignity, his manners are perfect, he is both intelligent and accomplished, and his ideal of sovereignty is the welfare of the people. Deacon Slick: " See that 'ar hoss? 'Taint mor'n a week since a city feller offered me 400dols. for him. Kinder wish now I'd a-took it. Too. valuable an animal for me to keep. Say, if you was sortb lookin' for a bargain in hoss flesh, I might " Stranger; "I don't care to purchase. lam the taxassessor." (Writes) "Onehorse valued at 400dols. " Deacon Slick: ■" Hold on ! Hold on ! Ever since he took the blind staggers that hoss ain't been worth " Assessor; " But, the city man's offer? " Deacon : Before I conld close the bargain with him, the keepers came along an' snaked him back to the insane asylum. Put the hoss down on yer list as dear at ydols."

11l Moscow may be seen any day in the Koslo street a beggar who was, a few years ago, one of the richest men in that city. At his father's death he came into a fortune of 15,000,000 roubles (£1,500,000). Mr TortzofF was not only endowed with wealth, but was very handsome, and considered the best rider in the city. But riches and popularity produced one passion—that of gambling. Every night he spent playing cards for high stakes, j and every day in betting. In the course of one evening alone, he lost the sum of 3,000,000 francs (£120,000) to Graf ScheremetiefF. In a few years his entire fortune was squandered, and he now turned to his relations to support him, but the latter soon found that all the money they supplied him with went to the gambling table, and they decided to let him shift for himself. While Count ScheremetiefF lived he supplied him from time to time with sums of money, but after his death his heir refused to continue this practice, and Tortzoff is now reduced to begging in the streets in order to obtain a few kopecks to buy bread. Sometimes one of his former grooms throws him a rouble in passing, and the unhappy man shuffles off to spend it in brandy. True Economy. —To purchase Countess Tea for two shillings.. Free I from aitf excess of astringency. —[Advt.]