BOUGH ON RATS.

Temuka Leader, Issue 1397, 26 September 1885, Page 1

BOUGH ON RATS.

A writer in the Waimate Time# says : There is as much difference between a candidate for Parliamentary honors and an actual M.H.R. as there is between courtship and matrimony. This difference has evidently been noticed by other writers. Mr Wakefield for instance, was spoken of as a suitor (nothing to do with the gallant shell-back who represents Gladstone !) for the hand of fair Geraldine, and, again, as “ intending to woo the electors of Selwyn.” In the case of “ my brilliant young friend ” both suits wore successful. Geraldine gave a ; hesitating “ Yes,” and the relative of the gn at E.Q.W. was politically married. After a brief honeymoon, viewed by the fair bride with suspicion, the deceiver failed to carry out his promises to “ chop the wood,” or to “ light the kitchen fire in the morning.” As for the “early cup of tea,” the principal inducement to accepting the “ halter,” poor Geraldine never once saw it. Needless to add that an indignant male jury at once decided the divorce case in favor of the lady. Mr Wakefield was then equivalent to a widower, but the position only elicited a remark about “As good fish in the sea,” etc. As a “divorced widower” the versatile Teddy should certainly have been labelled “ Dangerous,” but “ Frailty, thy name is Selwyn,” and fair Geraldine’s bitter experience was soon forgotten. The second marriage was, of course, as the first one, and Selwyn is now in the position of a woman whose “ lord and master” directs the domestic duties of the household without consultation. A candidate is the most obedient humble servant, before election, of all and sundry, the wishes of the “freeand independent” being to him law. After election he thinks for himself, and suggestions from his supporters to adopt a different course td that pursued by him generally receive the Larnach-like advice to “Go and put your head in a bag.” Fortunately, the matrimonial union, politically speaking, is not of permanent duration—neither is the other, for that matter—and the law allows the same divorce caves to be tried triennially. Unfortunately, however, the electors are too prone to forgive and forget, and it frequently happens that the worst heads are returned to the bosoms of the most deserving families. I have little hope of better things so long as the wooed lend such unwilling ears to the voice of the unfaithful charmer. “A Disgusted New Zealan der ” writes, drawing my attention to page 258 of “ Artemus Ward; His Book,” in which the genial Browne makes the following caustic remarks on the political situation ; —“Gentlemen of the Senit and of the House, you’ve sot there and draw'd your pay long enuff. , The country at large, inoloodin’ the undefined, is disgusted with you. Why don’t you show us a statesman—somebody win can make a speech that will hit the pop’lar Hart right under the Great Public weskit? Why don’t you show us a statesman who can rise up to the Emergency, and cave in the Emergency’s head. Congress, you won’t do. Go home, your mezzerabla devils —go home! At a special congressional ’lection in my district the other day, I delib’ritly voted for Henry Clay. I admit that Henry is dead, but inasmuch as we don’t seem to have a live statesman in our National Congress, let ua by all means have a first-class corpse.” My correspondent adds that Charles F. B. is intimately acqu inted with Messrs Atkinson, Wakefield, Ormond and Go. 1 believe it.