MISCELLANEOUS.

Temuka Leader, Issue 1285, 3 January 1885, Page 3

MISCELLANEOUS.

Smoking does not agree with sorno people ; but it always seems to soot the chimney. Parson : " Rather drowsy weather this, Firmer Jones." "Ay, parson, so it be; 'minds ode o' sermon time, don't, it 1" If a bear wont to go into a line r -draper'« shop, what would he want ? -He would want muzzlin'. A man claims to have a wife so hottempered that he can light his his cigar from the flash of her eyes. He made a good match when he married her. Oatabbh op thh Bladder.—Sinking irritation, inflammation, all Kidney and similar Oomplaints, oured by "Buohu»paiba." Druggists. Kempthone Prosser aid Co., Agent*, Ohrintchurc \ 3 A negro held a cow while a cross-eyed man was to knock her on the head with an axe. The darkey, observing the man's eye, in some alarm enquired, ' You gwine to hit vvhar you loak V 'Yes.' 'Den,' said coffee, ' hold dis cow yourselV Shocking.—" What [is the difference, if you please, between a bachelot's face and a married man's face 1" " Well, you see, a bachelor's physiognomy is often the worse for wear : a married man's for wear andjtear." Flibs and Br/GB, beetles, insec r s, roaohea, ants, bed bugs, rat«, mc, gopher*, ohipmunks, chared out; by " hough on Rats." Kempthorni", Pi-ogjer aid Co., Agents, Ohriitohurch. 3 " Ah ! Mr Panier, have you been to any parties this wintah ?" asked Glendolen de Smith of his friend. " No, but I have attended three balls." " Why, how delightful, weally. Where were they at ?" " At the pawnbroker's," sadly sighed Mr Panier. " Whon my grocor poisons me, they simply fine him," t>aid Alphonse Karr, " but when 1 poison mygroeei, they seud ine lo the gni'lon'ne." Nothing so confuses a lover while making a declaration of the tenders passions as to be ob iged to stop and sneeze during the recital. Thb lidy Hot/sb-wifu.—The cartful, tidy housewife, when giviDg her house its spring cleaning, should bear in mind that the dear inmates are more precious than houses, their systems need cleansing, by purifying the bbod, regulating the stomach and bawols, and she should know that there is nothing that wi 1 do it so surely ns Hop Bitten, the purest and best of all medicines. Look for Advt. "You say your brother is younger than you, yet he looks much older." " Yes, he haß seen a great deal of trouble, but I never married." The latest wrinkle among tre sporting ladies of the period is to wear their railway tickets stuck in the band of their turbans or Derby hats when on a journey. They say it looks so chic, "just like a man." Good Resolutions. —At the commence tnent of every vew year hundreds and thousands of our ycur-g mm atd old as w«ll —form resolutions for their guidance for toe coming year, Many keep them, while others break them To suoh we wish to give a word of advioe. In order to sustain your determination of leadirg a better lift) in the future you should uee Hop Bitters. The judicious use of Hop Bitters strengthens, oleaajes, and purifies the stomach, bowels, blood, liver, nerves, and kidneys, and is just what you want to build up and kvigorate yourself.—Greenbush Dem. Bead Advfc. A medico tells this story with all seriousness : A girl from the country came to him with her mother to be vaccinated, and was terribly nervous about the matter. Just as the doctor was going to start work, she threw her arms round the old lady's neck and sighed: "One last kiss, mother, before the operation !" Too Lazy to shake the Chills.—"l understand that Spokeland couldn't make a living down in the bottoms," said a man meeting au acquaintance. "No; had to move rtway." " Wasn't the land good 1" "Frst-rate, but the trouble with him is laziness. He was too l»zy to 'ive in that couutry." That's no place for a lazy man, let me'tell you. Why, sir, that fellow had a chill one day and was too lizy to shake. In that country it is necessary for a man to shake when he has a chill. It ain't right to back against nature." Holloway's Oihtmbnt and Film will bef best friend to persons i filleted with ulcerations, bad legs, sores, abscesses, futuals, and other painful and complicated oomplainte. P/inted and very plain direo tious for the application of the Ointment are wrapped round each pot. Hollowßy's altera tive Pills should be taken throughout the progress of the cure, to msintain tho blood in a state of perfrot puriiy, and to prevent the health of the whole body beirg jeopardised by the loc»l ailments j bad legs, old ego's great grievance*, are thus readily oured, witheufc oo: Suing the patient to bed, < r withdfowing from him or her the nutruio is diet and generous support so imperatively demanded, when veikening diseases attack advanced years or constitutions evincing preA new "Mother Shipton " thus soliloquises in the Pittsburg Dispalch : When lawyeis fail to make a fee, And juries never disagree ; When politicians arc content, And landlords don't collect their rent ; When parties smash all the machines, And Boston folk g've up their beans; When naughty children all die young, And girls are born without a tongue ; When ladies don't take time to hop, And office-holders never flop; Whrn preachers cut their sermons short, And all folks to the church resort ; When back subscribers all have paid, And editors have fortunes made ; Such happiness will sure portend, This world must soon come to an end.