Page 3 Advertisements Column 2

Temuka Leader, Issue 1149, 11 March 1884, Page 3

A dandy strutting about a tavern took up a pair of green spectacles which lay on the table, put them on his nose, and turning to the looking glass, said, ‘Landlord, how do these become me? Don’t you think they improve my looks V ‘ I think they do,’ replied the landlord,’ they hide a part of your face.’ ‘ I am making a display of fall goods,’ remarked the fruit vendor, as he threw down a lot of banana skins, orange peels, nd apple parings. Skinny Men. —‘Wells’ Health Renower restores health and vigor, cures Dyspepsia, Impotence, Debility. New Zealand Drug Go., General Agents. 1 Five or six couples had been invited in to play cards and listen to music, and peaches had been passed with other refreshments. The party was just ready to break up when the terror of the family entered the parlor and called out— ‘ There, pa, what did ma tell you?’ The ‘governor’ probably knew what was coming, but before he could get the youngster out of the way he shot off the other barrel with —‘ Ma said if we bought clingstone peaches we’d save at least half, and we have !’ * lam astonished, my dear young lady, at your sentiments ; you make me start.’ i Well, sir, I have been wanting you to start for the last half hour.’ A Dutchman who had married his second wife soon after the burial of the first was visited with a two hours’ serenade in token of disapproval. He expostulated pathetically thus :— 1 1 say, poys, you ought to be ashamed of yourself makid all dish noise ven dere vas a funeral here so soon.’ Wells’ ‘ Rough on Corns.’ — Ask for Wells’ Rough on Corns.’ Quick relief; complete, permanent cure. Corns, warts, bunions. New Zealand Drug Co,, General u«;ents. 1 Abraham and Joshua had been invited to a splendid dinner. It was impossible for Joshua not to make capital out of such an opportunity; accordingly he managed to slip a silver spoon in his boot. Abraham was green with envy at Joshua’s success, for he had not even manipulated a saltspoon. But an idea struck him, ‘My frents,’ he cried, ‘ I will show you some dricks.’ Taking up a spoon, he said, ‘ You zee dees spoon ? Yell, it ees gone,’ he cried, passing it up his sleeve. ‘Y on vill find it in Joshua’s bood.’ It was found. A young physician informed a pretty lady patient, who was ruffering from chronic sore throat, that the only cure for it was a beard. ‘ That’s of no interest to me,’ she replied, ‘l’ve got no beard.’ ‘ True,’ he replied gallantly, ‘ but you can use mine as often as you want to.’ They were married a few months later.

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