ALL SORTS.

Temuka Leader, Issue 1056, 18 January 1883, Page 1

ALL SORTS.

Tha party had been harvesting, and were now returning. ' Jock,' ss.it-1 that worthy's intended, ' did ; e kiss ei in the tunnel?' ' Noa, lassie, eh didna ;' short pause, and then unconcernedly, 'Oa 'twas soom 'oon alse tliun,' —Darent, ' Did not I hear your wife was ill, King V asked, a gentlsman of a blacksmith . ' Yes. sir, she's very bad ; that's very ualueky too, for she'd just begun me a new •' westcut' (waistcoat), and I'm a feared she 'out live to finish it.'—Paste.

' 1 want to ask you something, sir/ said an old laborer to the vicar of a country parish in Essex. 'Well, Simon what is it?' ' Why, sir, in the Bible they say there 'ull be many mansions. Now, sir, do that mean ns there'll be a back kitchen for the poor and a parlor for the rich V

A manufacturer, watching some ot his workmen devour their mid-day meal, remarked to tli^m—' I .should like to hava on appetite such as you have.' 'No doubt,' retorted one of them ; ' you would like to have every-thing,'—-Joiu Boldin.

' Nancy, why don't you wear the over shoes I gave you this wet day ?' ' And indeed, ma'am, saving your presence, its long sorry I'd be to put them purty shining things on a day like this, to trail them through the muddy slavery of them roads ; sure isn't it keeping 1 them for the fine weather I am.'—Novice.

A lady at so ire Penny Readings chose to sing a French sons:, which ended with a cry of dispair ' Condamne, Conclamne.' The rustics were delighted, saying, ' 'Core, 'core ,- she does give it out plain.' The lady accepted the encore, but the president begged that hdf second song might be English.— Rita.

Scene— A village street, High Church rector meets farmer's wife the day after their harvest thanksgiving. Rector : ' Glad to see you at church yesterday. Mrs Bloomfield ; you don't come very often.' Mrs B. : ' Well, no. But I always goes on Thanksgiving Day, because it learns me how to dress my poultry at Christmas.'—Daphins. A poor woman sent tc a hospital informed the lady who sent her that shethought ' mighty little of the grand doctor there, for he walked ioto the room and stared at me, and then, says he, looking as plaised as you like with himself: — Well, my good woman, and what's the matter with you ? And sure then, says I: — Does your honor think I'd have ccme all this length to see you if I cuuld have told you that myself ?' Landlord—' Good morning, Pat, how is the Mrs and young ones V Pat—--1 Ihe missus is pretty poorly, yer honor, and she young uns bad with mazels.' Landlord—' Sorry to hear it ; see the doctor—l'll settle it.' 'Sorra a bit of good, yer honor, I mane to kill 'em all to-morrow.' Landlord rashes off. Pat —' k Shure I'm cfther offending his honor somehow ; maybe it was bekase I mentioned killing the masely pigs, and not saving them for the pisantry.— Avon,

A country clergyman, a friend of mine, on account of the regular marriage fee frequently falling short of the proper amount, instituted the practice of having it placed on the book with the ring. A couple of poor parishioners once presented themselves to be united, but not having the requisite fee, tendered as much as they could bcrape together, with the request that the cleigvman would ' Please give it us as far as itgoes lor the money.'—l'ero.

Scene .Railway Station in Cambridgeshire.—Young rustic, of xbout 20, from the Fens, walks deliberately up to the bookstall, and, addressing (he young man in charge (in his office), sa y S ;_• Ticket please, Curnor, to .* Being politely requested to apply a little fuither down the platform he goes, and seeing suine small handbills relating to excursions hanging tied to a string outside an office door, coolly tears one off, leisurely rc-unis to bookstall, and, with his face beaming with satisfaction, atks :—' How much, Cluv'uor V— Bookstall.

A country rector had as a gardener an incorrigible drunkard, and meeting liim one morning alter a three days absence (spent in drinking), lie paid 'John, I'm. quite disgusted; you've h.?en drinking again and lost three days/ •' I be most terrible sorrr, Mesler, but I'd only a drap.' 'We'll, come now, how much had you ?' v 1 don't exactly know—may be two or three gallons of beer.' ' Two or three gallons ! why, T couldn't drink so much water.' ,: Eh, no more could I, Mester.' Ninhs,