AN AMUSING STORY.

Temuka Leader, Issue 9417, 10 June 1882, Page 3

AN AMUSING STORY.

An accident of a somewhat startling though amusing character happened to one of our most popular bishops recently. He had been invited to preach on some special occasion in a country parish, and was proceeding to church after breakfast when his host, the rector, a man known to be given to ‘ dodges,’ called him aside- ‘ My bid,’ he said, ‘ I wish to tell you about , the pulpit, which is constructed on a plan of my own with a moveable bottom, This communicates with a screw underneath the floor of the church, and can be lowered or raised at pleasure to suit the height of any preacher. If when your lordship gets into the pulpit you find that the floor is not high enough, please stamp once gently with ytur foot, The sexton will be underneath, and will wind you up until you signal to him to stop.’

Now his lordship is a somewhat stout and short mar, with legs quite worthy (as to shape) of a dignitary of the Church, but unfortunately not of any great length. When he got into the pulpit ho found that the floor was apparently unwound to its uttermost limit. lie had hardly finished his prayer, as the last verse of the hymn before the sermon was being sung, when he discovered the state of affairs, and stamped gently with his foot, a signal which was at once responded to by a creaking, sound below and a perceptible elevation of the floor. Then again the bishop stamped, and believing that the screw would forthwith stop working, delivered with all due solemnity the injunction ‘Let ns pray.’ To Lis horror, however, the screw, so far from stopping, appeared on this second signal to revolve with greater celerity. Little by little the good ecclesiastic found himself propelled towards the ceiling, prematurely proceeding heavenwards. His sermon and his Bible slowly disappeared from his eyes. He clutched at his pulpit candles to stay his upward flight, and again he stamped in a ghostly manner upon the treacherous floor. But it was of no avail. Onwards went the screw until the topmost rung was reached ; and when the astonished congregation, who had been waiting for the prayer, raised their eyes to the pulpit, they found, instead of an eloquent orator, a shamefaced and indignant mortal (the lop of whose knee-breeches were visible above the railing of the pulpit) preserving his balance by clinging to the summit of the pulpit candlebra, and in whose face all appearance of saintly calm had given place to unmistakable signs of wrath and indignation. The horror-struck appearance of their rector as he rushed from the church, the audible creaking of- the screw, and the gradual descent of the bishop to a level more in accordance with the fitness of things, enlightened the delighted congregation as to what had really happened. But the dignity and force of the subsequent discourse was powerless against the cachinations that reigned universal in the church. The unhappy rector had; alas ! omitted to state that while one gentle stamp of the foot was the signal to ascend, three stamps rendered in quick succession told the sexton that he was to cease screwing. Mine illce. lachrymce I