ODDS AND ENDS.

Temuka Leader, Issue 904, 14 January 1882, Page 3

ODDS AND ENDS.

The Bruce Herald evidently has no great admirer in a gentleman of the name of Mackay, who lives in its vicinity. The Herald recently made some remarks on the othography of Mr Mackay and the result that that amiable gentleman posted the following notice on its perty:— ‘‘ Notice.—The deficiency in my orthography does ample justice to the inventive genius of the Bruce Herald, but perhaps the Editor, poor man, had not his spectacles on when he read it, and lest he should make any more mistakes when filling up blank space in sjuch an important local authority as the Herald. 1 will write it again for his special benefit : ‘ Porridge laid here for all kinds of fowls and all kinds of varmint. 1 ‘Yarmint’ means ‘rats’ such as are to be found in the Bruce Herald office. Not knowing that Mrs Brady was such a particular friend of yours, I did not mention her in my invitation. When I make chicken pie I would like to have better subjects to eat it, and invite my own guests.— George TVTfny Ay.” We should like to know Mrs Brady, she must be an interesting lady. A hardy son of toil was recently charged before one of the correctional tribunes in Paris with stealing a pair of trousers, but was discharged by the magistrate, after a long and patient investigation of his case, on the ground that the evidence brought against him was insufficient to eetablish his culpability. He continued, however, to keep his seat on the prisoner’s bench after his acquittal bad been formally pronounced. The lawyer who conducted his defence, observing that he did not move, intormed him that he was free to go about his business,if he had any. He shook his head slightly but did not budge. By this time, no other case being on hand,the court was nearly empty. Again addressing him, his defender inquired with some irritation, “ why the deuce he did not get up and go?” “Step this way a moment, please,” replied the steadfast sitter, “ and let me whisper in your ear. I can’t go till all the witnesses for the prosecution have left the court.’’ “ And why, may I ask ?” “ Because of the stolen trousers—don’t you understand ?” *' Most assuredly Ido not understand. Whababout the pants ?” ‘‘Only this, ive got em on!” The following incident of the Peninsula war is worth recording!—“ A Scotch piper, belonging to one of the regiments, was taken prisoner, and, it becoming reported to the Emperor Napoleon, he ordered him to be brought into his presence He eyed the stalwart piper in his kilts, and asked him, “ Can you play Scottish music on the bagpipes ?” “ Yes,” was the reply. “ Then play me a Highland reel.’ It was done. ‘ Play me a Highland jig.’ Done also. ‘ Now play me a Scottish march.’ Tnis also was done. Then he asked him to play a Highland charge ; this was also complied with. Napoleon looked and said, ‘ Now play me a retreat.’ ‘■Na,.’ said: the piper ‘we bae nae music for that.’' The Emperor said ‘Then you may retire, sir.’ ”

Thrilling incident : Adolphus’ courage was up. Falling on his knees he cried ; “ Angelina dearest, make me the happiest of men by accepting my heart and hand.” Casting one look at the great

paw Angelina thrilled in every fibre as she replied sweetly, “ Oh, Adolphus, this is more than I expected.” A female lecturer in Boston : “ Got married, young men, and be quick about it. Don’t wait for the girls to become angels. You would look well beside angels, wouldn’t you, you brutes.” A good story (says Truth) is told of a rich financier who died the other day at Paris. He fell down in the Boulevards in a fit, and was carried into a private house. The inmates, seeing him at the point of death, and not knowing what his religion was, brought a crucifix and held it to his lips, The old Hebrew stared at the emblem with a glared eye, and with his parting breath murmured, “ 1 can’t lend more than ten francs on it.”

The Hawkes Bay Herald published the following :To the Hedittur of ‘the Hawks Bay Herald Deer Sur Pliss advertise Bert of my wife November the Fust Have young Daugter Pliss do it in Proper Farm. The Cromwell Argus recently published the following under the heading of original poetry • THE DELINQUENT SUBSCRIBER. One day last week, while sad and dreany » We took our way, weak and weary, Across the wnswept floor, We heard, at first, a gentle rapping, Then com menced an earnest tapping, At our sanctum door. PConae in!” we said, yet while we ponder’d And in silence still we wondered, "What for us could be in store ; Then, the door-bolt gently turning, In he walked. Our cheek was burning ! Thoughts of crimson gore. ‘•Are you theMiian that does the writing?” What word will rhyme (with this but fighting ? Quickly thought we o’er and o’er) “Sir we are,” we gently told him, Nodding to the boys to hold him If he tried to beat us sore. “Then you will please to give me credit Opposite that little debit, For two pounds more ; I like the Argus and will take it Long as yon strive to make it Good as it has been before.” We jumped ! he dodged ! thus we misled him, Or we should have surely kissed him, No matter if the boys did roar, So seldom treated in this matter, We felt inclined to sing hosannah, Only this and nothing more.