ODDS AND ENDS.

Temuka Leader, Volume 2, Issue 113, 15 January 1879, Page 3

ODDS AND ENDS.

Farmer (to city swell). —“ .1 s’posc, if I was in New York, 1 should go gawkin’ round, just as you do up here.” An Indian said, when he first heard of it, he was much surprised that the white man killed their Saviour ; but since lie knew them better, lie wondered they didn’t steal Ids clothes. The American may reckon, calculate, or guess, as travellers say he does ; but he also keeps his eye open, makes work afraid of him, paddles his own canoe, heartily pities all foreigners. “ Thrice is he armed who is his quarrel just.”—Shakespeare. And more than tliat, who gets his blow in “ fast.” An editor, puffing a certain soap as the best, ever made for a dirt.v man’s ; fare. ,<mvs “ We have tried if.”

An Englishman, in conversation with Mr. Lincoln,said, ££ Why,nogentleman in England blacks his own boots, yon know.” —“Pshaw!” replied Lincoln, “whoso boots dp they black? ” “ Ninety and nine”fo;ks in thehundred make a mistake when they cut off a dog’s tail. They preserve the wrong end. “ Well, Billy,” said an old farmer, “when you take off that ’ere plug hat and spit two or three times, there ain’t much left of you, is there? ” Closing the eyes makes the sense of hearing more acute. This accounts for the many eyes that close in church on Sunday. In a store in Fulton Street, New York, is the placard, ££ God helps these that help themselves. But God help those caught helping themselves in this store.” The man who undertook to walk against Time has’given up. But Time is still going ahead. Paul and Silas prayed themselves out of jail ; but now-a-days folks have to swear out. A young lady remarked of an infant. ££ How sweet, but how bald for one so young ! ” Lady to Waiter. —“ Don’t put the ice into the goblet with your fingers.” Waiter. —“Lor, ma’am, I don’t mind : ray hands are very warm.” At Salt Lake the lady from the interior entered a store, and called for a pair of stockings. The clerk politely asked her what number she wore. “Why two ; do you suppose I am a centipede?” Alluding to the death of a citizen, a contemporary recently remarked ; “ With the single exception of twentythree years ago when he took a few lessons on a violin, his life has been blameless.” A French paper says, ££ Not ene American in a hundred has a handsome chin.” Of course not : their time is devoted to the cultivation of cheek. A Now York paper announces that by the recent burning of an icc-houso, twenty thousand tons of ice were reduced to ashes. Bobby to bis pig : ££ What the deuce are you grunting at ? You don’t have to go to school.” A late Lord Chancellor once defined a lawyer thus ;—A learned gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies, and keeps it to himself. As dinner-time draws near, especially when dinner doesn’t, how we realize the emptiness of things below. Where history is silent, the stones speak oat. Jehovah made his granite tables out only at Sinai, but all over the world. When axx eccentric gentleman was on a visit to a friend, the ladies proposed playing at a game which they called ££ hot cockles.” When it come to his turn to kneel down before the sofa, blindfolded, one of the ladies gave, him a smart blow with her shoe or slipper. He sighed and ejaculated : ££ A striking proof this of the materiality of the sole.”