ODDS AND ENDS.

Temuka Leader, Volume I, Issue 106, 21 December 1878, Page 3

ODDS AND ENDS.

Lip service.—Kissing. Tremendous swells—Balloons. The bored of health—Doctors. A North Carolina paper contains an advertisement of "the great American house movist." Mercury .was a musician, as the songs of the bulb'll remind you. Whatoughta skipper do after weathering a gale ?—Why, thank his (s)tars. A ''journeyman grammar-smasher" is what.one St. Louis editor terms another. A displayed head-line in a[ Western paper reads : " Desperate assault—the murdered man not expected to live. " At a meeting of American Congregational ministers, one gentleman, who stated that he had been eastward with his" superintend aut," was interrupted by a brother clergyman, who asked if he meant his wife. When a man reaches, the top of a stairway and attempts to make one step higher, the sensation is as perplexing as if he had attempted to kick a dog that wasn't there. A political speaker accused a rival of " unfathomable meanness," and then, rising to the occasion, said : " I warn him not to persist in his disgraceful course, or he'll find that two of us can play at that game !" * An. old lady in Middlebery, Wis., crossed over a bridge marked "Danger-. . ous" without seeing the sign. On being informed of the fact, she instantly turned in great alarm and recrossed it. ' A Western journal says that in a Chicago library a book on "self culture " never got a reader. The librarian had it rebound and rechristened it " A Young Man on his Muscle," and anxious readers had to wait for weeks before they could get it.

An observant but not very rich old lady always bought her tea by the quarter of a pound, because she thus got what she termed the "turned of the times in every pound of tea, instead of once, as would have been the case if she had purchased a single pound.

An Alsatian woman went to confession. "Father," she. said, "I have committed a great sin." "Well!" cried the priest, perceiving that she paused. "I dare not say it ;it is to grevious," " Come, come, courage." " I have married a Prussian." "Keep him my daughter. That's your penance," decided the holy man. Being told that the price of an Italian landscape he admired was fifty guineas, a farmer expressed his astonishment, and asked the artist if that sort of paint was " particularly dear ; for," said he, " I've painted all my front palings for fifty shillings."

It has often been icmarked that children will ask questions which even the wisest are puzzled to answer. " Mamma," exclaimed Charlie, " how big was I when you was a little girl !" A little boy having-' broken Ins rocking-horse, the day it was bought, his mother rebuked him. He silenced her by inquiring, "What's the good of a horse till it's broke ?"

"There, Tommy, is the wolf which T have often told you about," said a young mother to her little boy at the Zoological Gardens. The little fellow looked attentively at the wolf but appeared very disappointed. "What is the matter ?" asked his mamma. "What are you looking for?" "Why, I don't see the naughty little boys which you told me ho eat?," replied young Hopeful.