TEUTONIC BLUFF.

Taranaki Daily News, 25 August 1916, Page 6

TEUTONIC BLUFF.

WHERE FRITZ LEADS rOTSDAJi NATION. There is one art in which the Germans are immeasurably superior to the British—the art of bluff (writes James Douglas in London Opinion). It is a very sad and sorrowful fact that we are execrable bluffers. There i s something in our character which compels us to underestimate ourselves and to overestimate the enemy. We positively enjoy a diet of stinking fish. We wallow in self-humiliation. We are never happy unless we are grumbling and grousing, moaning and moping. We are not satisfied with touching wood; we are wood. I firmly believe than when we have pulped Prussia we will celebrate the pulping by proclaiming to the whole world that in reality Prussia has pulped us. At the same time our habit of calling ourselves miserable sinners and miprofitable servants make s ns a very dangerous enemy, for the innocent Hun imagines that we are beaten, when we are only goading ourselves on to fresh wickedness. T am positive that our mournful lamentations puzzle tiie poor Hun. He does not see what we have to howl over, for we have, swept the seas clean and clear, we have in a little more than a year raised immense armies, and in a few weeks we have gaily gathered more huge masses of men. The figures I believe, are staggering—something over two millions. Lord Derby doe 3 his level best to hide our smiles.. We are all doing our best to hide our smiles. Our instinct is to keep on kicking ourselves and cursing ourselves till the Jast scene of the, last act in the drama of Potsdamnation is played.

The Germans never kick themselves or curse themselves. Since 1870 they have done nothing hut worship their noble selves. The great Teutonic bluff has imposed upon the whole world. It is still imposing upon the whole worH. It is still imposing upon us. We cannot shake oil' the habit of Hun-worship. It is still in our blood and in our bones. But a dim suspicion is dawning in our modest minds that there is now not very much behind the German bluff. The throat of Germany is gripped by a relentless and remorseless hand. The hand is composed of Vivo Great Powers —England, France, Russia, Italy and Japan. England is the thumb of the iron hand, and the thumb is pressing hard on the jugular vein of Germany, the top joint of it being Sea Power. The other four fingers are also pressing hard round the neck of the Hun. At present the little ringer, Japan, is not everting its full strength, but at any moment it can do so. If it were necessary, Japan could send two million soldiers to finish the strangulation of Germany, but the other fingers are quite able to do the business without the little finger. Germany has repeatedly tried to buy off the French finger, the Russian finger, and the Italian finger. She has never attempted since the war began to buy off the British thumb. She diil try to'buy it oil' before the war began,'but the experience was enough to convince her that it was futile. Thumb and fingers are inseparable. They cannot be beaten off or bought off separately. Germany must either cut off the 'whole hand' or submit to slow and ruthless strangulation. She knows this, and all she can is to bluiV as no nation has ever bluffed before. She can still use her arms and legs and teeth and lungs. At present she is biting ind scratching and kicking and bellowing like a wild beast in a trap, but the grip of "he iron hand only grows tighter and she only grows weaker. She endeavors to disguise her discomfiture by boasting and bragging and bluffing. It is certain that she will bluff to the last. Why is the aesthetic quality of Teutonic 'mendacity deteriorating so grievously? A liar ought" never to lose his temper. He ought to strive hard to appear -,erene and imperturbable in the Haw trey manner. I earnestly advise Dr. Htliffricb to take a few lessons from Charles Hawtrey. He ought to put a touch of light humor into his lying. That would' preserve his reputation as a comedian, if not as a financier. An artist in mendacity ought not to foam at the mouth like a fraudulent company promoter in the dock. A earn manipulator ought not to go into epileptic fits before his audience. A eonjuror ought not to give an imitation of a bull at'Bachm. try to be calm, HenDoctor, raid elegant, and bland, and polished in your lying.

For my part,' I am delighted to hear that Germany is thriving'on paper, and that the more pig? she piles upon pork the happier and healthier she becomes. It is also a relief to all persons with humane feelings to know that our blockade is the life and soul of Germany. We were not aware that our navy was a philanthropic institution run for the purpose of invigorating and sustaining the Hun. That being the ease, surely all neutrals ought to help it' in its noble and unselfish task. It would be terrible if any relaxation of its pressure should dishearten and discourage Guillaume and his dear Bosehes.. We should never forgive ourselves if the indolence of our seamen should rob Germany of the tonic which they appear to enjoy so hugely. And if the war does really convert all German paper into gold, it would be absolutely cruel to stop it. The poor Huns might be ruined by a premature peace. They have proved that their war is a gold mine. Very well. Let them work it till they get the last ounce out. Meanwhile it consoles us to know that they will be able to pay those indemnities out of their profits.