THE KAISER'S PROCLAMATION

Taranaki Daily News, Volume LVII, Issue 215, 18 February 1915, Page 6

THE KAISER'S PROCLAMATION

I, William If., .Emperor of everything over and under the Earth (now practi" tally under), send you my greetings (all T have left to give you)'. 1 have had to take the Tingle off the top of my head as the other birds keep dropping Bomhn upon it. Don't blame me for the War. If the other Powers had let me have my own way there would have been no War. I have not come to the front myself and won the victories I do at peace when we play at manoeuvres, as I have been packing my trunk to spend a holiday in London with my friend Keir Hardie. but as the atmosphere there is too hot just now for me, I must seek a colder climate—which may be Siberia. ■ I have, however, watched you fight--from a distance—and you have done excellent! You did quite right in not getting too close to the English bayonets, becMise they are sharp, and when they 'jet close to yon there is only one. word to describe what they are, and that word I have forgotten, but it begins with a "D." Don't get in the way of their bullets when there are plenty of old men and women in Belgium you. can put. in the front. As (for you, my bravo T'hlans, you .must be niore careful when you charge, and not mistake the, Highlanders for women as you did the other day. It wivt most expensive—for you. T am proud of you, my Artillery.! Why there is not even a village yon have fired at but what you hit it —somewhere. What if von. did fire n .t the Gas Works and hit the Cathedral, it was the fault of the enemy, wdio put the Cathedral in the wrong place. As for my sailors, you have don,- quite right in keeping mv ships safe in port, es the English Bulldogs are waiting outside, to bite you. S 0 do you make for the "Bight" vourselves, and stop there. W->t, your chance of winning another e-lorious victory over the fishinr smacks. Then you can pinch their fish. The Eng!i--'> will give you the "chips"' ir the? catch you.

Imitate my brave ships the Gooben and Breslau. When they met the enemy they knew their time had come, and. liV- brave Germans, they made their Trills and gave three Hnchs for their Emneror and then—ran like the devil, which gave me the. chance to sell the ship l ' to the Turks—at good profit-—when T get. the money. Don't forget, my brave Deutschers. T have promised von shall invade England. I don't know how von will cet there, ■or how you will oret back—but von shall go. I want to find the man at Madam Tusaaud's who nut mv model next door to Crippen and Charlie Peace. And, by the way, I want to go to Bath and find the railway porter that wrote a poem he called 'The Day,' in which he says nasty things about your Emnoror. O'vcn at mv Court at "Gonc-to-Pots-dam" in the last year of mv reign. ■WILLIAM H.