BLOOMERS.

Taranaki Daily News, Volume LIV, Issue 126, 18 November 1911, Page 1 (Supplement)

BLOOMERS.

A I<KW XEWSAPER ERRORS. That autocratic person, the Editor (whom we all have to be civil to openly, however much we may curse him in our heart of hearts) has asked me to furnish him With a few " printers'" errors, in order to impress upon the reporters their sins in the way of bad writing. 'Tou must remember a lot of them, old man," he said Unfortunately, I have never troubled to make a collection of mistakes of this kind, and usually forget them as soon as the day's paper is off my mind. But for the reason before given, I will do my best to comply with the I'equesUnd I have been fortunate enough to find three old copies of Mr. Harding's capital little paper, Typo, which enable me to add. one or two instances to. those I am able to recall (.nip. or the oldest stories I recollect is that of a bishop who held a confirmation service in a church in an English country town. The,season was winter; the old church was wretchedly cold, with wet standing on the stone walls. The bishop caught a severe chill, and expressed bis injured feelings in regard to the old building in rather strong language when the service was over. He was , however, considerably surprised when he read next day in the local paper: "His Lordship said he would never enter the old church again." He wrote to the editor an indignant note, saying that the word represented by a dash was "damp," and requesting a cor rection The letter was duly published, but the editor, with a true spirit of loyalty to his staff, appended a footnote to the effect that—"We willingly insert his Lordship's explanation, but at the same time we 'wish to say that we have every confidence in the accuracy of our reporter.

The observant reader will notice that in this little history no names are given —neither that of the bishop, nor the town, nor the paper Consequently I have been unable to verify the truth of the narrative, and cannot vouch for its authenticity. It may be, as our friends the Italians have it, ben trevato, But everybody knows that a story gains immensely if you can introduce a bishop into it, and it is only human nature if a scribe can get one back at our editor —though this is a triiie risky. When Lord Tennyson died, some seventeen or eighteen years ago, every newspaper, of course, had an adequate obituary ontiee. and equally, of course, most of the notices quoted the poet's beautiful little piece. "Crossing the Bar," the first verse of which runs as follows: —

Sunset and evening star, And one'clear call for me! And may there be no moaning of the bar When I put out to sea; But such' a tide as moving seems asleep, Too full for sound and foam, When that which drew from out the boundless deep Turns again home. The Sydney Morning Herald, among others, quoted the verses, but those who know their Tennyson were astounded to find (he fifth line printed—"But such a tide as snoring seems asleep." Those who were not familiar with the poet's lines doubtless thought they lost in elegance what they gained in force. The writer's observations when he saw his effusion in print have not been recorded. Tf there were a phonograph handy, they must have smashed the receiver. Typographical errors are not always - oniy generally —duo to the writers' bad copy. Occasionally the intelligent compositor takes a hand. As a rule, newspaper writers have to thank the compositor for correcting many slips; but now and again a man whose true vocation is breaking stones or laying bricks will play havoc with a writer's meaning. How often have we seen counsel, for council, principle for principal, and vice versa: how often have we seen a wedding, or some such function, described as a suspicions instead of an auspicious occasion; how many times have our l.'cth been set on edge by reading about Westminster Abbey? Sometimes a mistake has curious results, as when a certain auctioneer found the wrong class of buyers in attendance because his three horse's had been advertised as three houses.

Some years back, in the Parliamentary report of .the London Times, the House being in committee, the line appeared—"The chairman was ordered to repeat prayers." This attracted attention in some quarters. It was known that the House was opened with prayer, but after the opening it was supposed the chaplain was released from his arduous duties. Some good-natured friend brought the line under the notice of the editor, who called upon the reporter for an explanation. The latter declared that he had distinctly written—"The chairman was ordered to report progress." Unfortunately, the copy, when found, failed to support his story, and the compositor was held to be amply justified. Some short time ago, in an account of an exhibition of pictures which appeared in a New Zealand -paper, the art critic wrote: "The first thing that caught the eye on entering the gallery was a huge treeless oak," etc. Naturally, the quidnuncs wanted to know what sort of oak a treeless one was. Of course, the question can be easily answered. It is the kind that grows on the walls of art galleries, and even of private houses: those in Leader's picture. "From the Surrey Hills." were cut down and afterwards grew again. In the. same localities may be seen phantom ships sailing over waterless seas, lifeless men and women, fearless riders charging on pointless bayonets, or seeking the bubble reputation in the noiseless cannon's mouth. Out of doors we have the horseless car and wireless telegraphy, and in time we may even have artless critics and guileless reporters. A few days ago a. leading morning paper, published not a thousand miles from Wellington, informed us that in the fire at Stamboul sixteen morgues were burnt. It is safe to guess that morgues should have been mosques. In an English paper published in .Tapan it was lately reported that, a sailor had lost "three figures," the said figures having been cut off by an anchor cable. The paper couldn't explain it satisfactorily; it had heard of a man losing his figure, and indeed knew one or two who had lost their figures, but they had lost only one en eh It, suggested that the printer's devil must have confused the story bv substituting "figures" for "fingers." That poor devil has a lot to answer for. Ann)her paper, also English, issued in Chinn. lately "corrected" a mistake regarding a musical comedy company tourins: the East as follows: —"Tn printing yesterday the name of one of the musical comedies which the Bandmann Oom-p.-niy is prcsentim; next week as 'The drill in the Train.' what our compositors really meant to set was, of course. 'The Clirl in the Drain.'" Of course! "f'eiling wax" is a peculiar example of reformed spelling from a West, Coast paper, and an Empire city cable the other day referred tn some millionaires us railway "magnets." A doctor's thesis that won him honors was on "The Memory Oland"—meant to be mammary.— "The Colonel," in the N\Z. Journalist.