THE SIMPLE LIFE FARCE

Taranaki Daily News, Volume LIII, Issue 255, 5 January 1911, Page 8

THE SIMPLE LIFE FARCE

A SOCIETY CRAZE 'flftl IP MORE Oil LESS HUUSUG. It is not altogether eldy to define the "simple life," for there ore many phases and variants of it. To some people the » simple life means exercise, to others dieting; others, again, find the simple life in undergoing certain "cures," while there are some who would describe it as getting back to nature, and living under conditions as close as possible to those of natural man.

Now, in any one or other of these forms.of the simple life there is much that is commendable. Regulated exercise, dieting under competent advice, "cures," again, when properly supervised, and living naturally—all tend for health, happiness and contentment, which, broadly, are the very sensible objects of the simple life, properly understood. But, alas! like many things, the simple life is often misunderstood, and is often converted into a farce, which sometimes becomes tragical by the folly and extravagance of some of its followers. A man hears that there is health in. fruitarianism, and straightway proceeds to e*t fruit, and nothing but fruit, the livelong day. After a few days he has an attack of indigestion, vows that this form of the simple life is a fraud and a snare, and quits it., Reoently, a well-known lady made herself seriously ill by the "sour milk" treatment. Unquestionably there is virtue in sour milk, but it should never be taken except under medical advice.

However, followers of the simple life may he divided into two classes—those who lead what they imagine to be the simple life, and those who pretend to do so. Society abounds in both classes more particularly the latter. With the former class it is an article of fixed belief that the simple life means discomfort.

They sit on hard, unbacked chairs in carpetless, draughty rooms. They perform all manner of weird and unpleasant exercises, from paddling about on wet grass to carrying jcoals upstairs. They break their teeth cracking nuts. They outrage their stomachs with the most horrible viands and decoctions, It is an axiom with them that anything that is palatable is bad for one. They drink vinegar, or its equivalent, and eat much that no self-respecting dog would look at.

If some "prophet" were to arise tomorrow and declare that rotten meat would put ten years on your life, there are society cranks who would believe him, and chew carrion. Then there is the other class—the amusing humbugs whq pretend to lead the simple life. Back to nature is the cry with them. They play at being gipsies and agricultural laborers.

Caravaning is a society croze just now. How does my lord of my lady go "a-caravaning"? They go accompanied by a butler, a JVeneh chef, and a retinue of servants. And when it comes to inclement weather, they bolt into the nearest hotel.

The "country cottage" is another society fad. Sometimes the "cottage" is about the size of the Ritz Hotel, and is similarly appointed. The "cottagors" spend their time playing bridge and billiards—also at less innocent pastimes—and wondering when the dinner gong is going to sound. Sometimes, however, the cottage is a rea! cottage, an evil-smelling, "enrwiggy," dilapidated building which no farm laborer would live in. Here my lord—the servant? having promptly given notice—fetches water from a stagnant pool, and my lady goes fcrazy trying to remember how long it tsces to boil an egg. This sort of simp]3|rTo lasts about two days, and ends in feast at the Carlton. j

The seaside Abounds in society fiimplelifers. Some are content to survey the sea from the lounge of a palatial hotel, but the dress like tramps, disdiin hats and veils, with the result that ray, lord gets blisters on his bald head, »nd my lady acquires the complexion if a bibulous washerwoman, and ihey jivo on tough steak and onions.

The average English boxer suffers from the delusioitthat he can got.out of training for six months, and then get himself fit in one month, and similarly the so-, cicty simple-lifer thinks he can atone for months and months of dissipation and unhealthy living in general by a week of simplicity. He has no,idea of a happy medium. He either takes his patent leather boots Into the country or goes barefoot. It must be either truffles or tripe. My lady goes a-smiling either in a Paquin frock or sackcloth. She dines cither a UvM. Eschoffier or sits down to a njeal at which a charwoman would turn up her noie. She bathes daily in ottor of roses, or doesn't have a bath at all. But mainly the simple life, as led by society, is like the society picnic—a pretentious lumbiig—a thing of tables and tents, waiters and chairs, seventeen hot courses, and buckets full of iced champagne.—M.A.P.