HUMOUR IN THE NEWSPAPERS

Taranaki Daily News, Volume LI, Issue 216, 5 September 1908, Page 3

HUMOUR IN THE NEWSPAPERS

ADVERTISEMENTS WHICH MAKE 10U LAUGH. A short time ago a certain Chicago newspaper oll'ered a prize lor the moot original advertisement f or a Sunday issue. Among those received was IV following: " Uanted.-Young man ' m to T't,V- 8 , 1 ° Ut; ""Wtioii- solicited that might result in immediate release; wants poets address who wrof: stone walls do not a prison make y iron bars a cagc'-Address John L. Silber, County Jail." This so tickled the public that readcs ol the paper became interested j„ >e m,,,, and, as the result of an agitation, his pardon was granted by the Governor ol the State. One cannot imagine tlie funniest, side»plitting "ad. on record making the slightest impression on the. "stonyhearted Home Secretary," as he was once described by (l disgusted burglar who, a ter petitioning lor u mitigation oi sentence, was given another t„ , years, it being found on iiiukiii" in", qu.r.es that he was •• wanted " lor another "job." Frankness, however is the soul of honesty, and ne'er-do-wells in tin, country might do worse than follow the example of another Chicago man named Cullcn, who, the other da".inserted, the following in the " Siluiliii'i' ■Wanted columns of a local paper ' ".Situation wanted by a worthless, good-for-nothing fellow, Oft. tall, built ike a match, wearing specs, but easily passes for 25; was graduated trom the grammar school, and have had twenty-two different positions in the last five years, mostly clerical, with railroads and commercial houses- <o far 1 am a failure, having dealt myself the worst cards in the pack; 1 smoke chew, drink, gamble; I have reached tlie cross-roads but if there is still » man ■nlio will take a chance 1 will call for inspection." The cool audacity of this " ad." wan'i s a lot of beating, But it is closely ip■proached by one or two winch have appeared in English papers lately. Take the following, for instance, which was inserted in the Morning Post recently "Two young University men, wi'lh most of the qualities necessary for making a living, except the capacity for work, which is not in exact accordance with their tastes, advertise in the ho )c that seme unconventional philanthropist who is wise enough to realise that hard work is not necessarily the remely for youthful restlessness may be willm" to provide them with an 'annuity of about ,CBD each, in order to enable them to rent and keep a small cottage in the country, where they may prosecute at their leisure those studies to which their natures most incline them. Correspondence invited.—Address "

1 Here is another pathetic appeal for help inserted in a London daily:— "The Bitter Irony of Life.-A good fellow—one who has benefited chanties to the extent of thousands—with charming wife and children, is now 'on the rocks.' lie needs temporary assistance only, which will be amply repaid on completion of business he has on band; advertiser unable himself to help." It is sail indeed to think that so geuerous-mmdcu a man is forced to such an extremity. < Another philanthropist is wanted by "An old newspaper boy, who, unaided and against fearful odds, has reached an honourable position, salary £2OO, wishes to give his fifteen-year-old son, eldest of four, a better-class education, but., owing to pressure of old debts, mainlv incurred for own education, is without ■necessary fees. Will any rich, childless philanthropist lend a hand'; Inquiries solicited." Jt would appear that honesty is not regarded as altogether the best policy in modem business, judging from the following advertisement culled from a Vienna journal:— i " Wanted, by important firm, a commercial agent; good talker, arrogant, and unscrupulous; good salary, wkh •prospect of increase if satisfactory all round."

• Is married or military life the best •training for a man? The question is suggested by this advertisement, which appeared lately: "Wanted, a warehouseman. Applicants must be accustomed to rigorous discipline. Only the oilers of such candidates will be entertained who have served in the Army or been married for a considerable length of time."

The amusing announcement of the undertaker who asked people why they 'walked about the streets when they could be cheaply buried for £2 10s is recalled liy the following advertisements which appeared in a couple of Continental papers: "For sale, family vault, looks due south; room for two."' The second announcement read: "Well-built vault to dispose of, in charming residential neighbourhood on .Namur line, half an hour by rail from Brussels, at 25 per cent, less than cost price." These are on all fours with the following, which appeared in the Cheshire Observer; "Chester Cemetery.—A gentleman who has left Chester wishes to sell Hie remainder of his family grave ami stone; two people buried in same; room for eight or nine. Cost ,120; accept £9 or nearest offer.—Address," etc.