THE WISDOM OF BENJAMIN JENKS.

Taranaki Daily News, Volume L, Issue 60, 7 September 1907, Page 3

THE WISDOM OF BENJAMIN JENKS.

By Cory ton Day.

| In the chimney corner of the bar parlor at the "Old Cheese inn" sat Mr Benjamin Jenks, half dozing over bis pipe. Through the door leading into the "kitchen," as-tlio outer bar was called, jeamo the sound of a voice singing a chorus. Benjamin Jenks was the proprietor of the "Old Cheese Inn," and as such was much respected by the inhabitants of

Little I'etherick. For was lis not a man I of means, possessing a large collection of old curios, pictures, :tiid what not to the value of nearly a thousand pounds? The ''Old Cheese" had been in existjpiiec for sonic three hundred years, being jbuilt by an ancestor of Mr. .lenks. Bur" :ing the course of the inn's existence many people of note had stayed thereauthors' artists, musicians, nobility, anl even royalty, and each had left some souvenir of his or her visit. A picture, j a Iwok, an autograph letter, curios, swords, and other things from foreign parts.

JJenjamin was very proud of these relics, and had turned one of the large bedrooms into a kind of museum. Visitors at the inn were always shown this room with great pride. "1 reckon there'.-; no better collection In the country 'cepting at the British Museum, tho' it's I that says it as shouldn't," Mr. Jenks would declare proudly. Jenks was just settling himself *o sleep when the glass door leading to the High Street opened, and the portly figure of Farmer George appeared in the doorway. lie came across to the small bar at the end of the room whereon reposed two empty glasses. "Let's have a pint o' beer to drink thyliealth in," said he. "You haven't paid for the last yet," grumbled Mr. Jenks, thinking of the long list of drinks chalked up to the name of the thirsty farmer. ''How can 'ec expect a man to settle up wi' times so bad ? Wheat doan't pay, pigs doan't pay "

"Xor don't you," murmured Benjamin. However, he reluctantly went to the bar, drew a foaming mug of ale, and set it down on the table before the farmer. "You may not think it, but business has been looking very blue in th' 'Old Cheese' lately," said Jenks "There's a maggot eating its way into. the very heart of this business."

"Yes, yes, my boy," replied Farmer George consolingly, "but you can't help your looks" This remark was treated with disdainful contempt By" Air. Jenks. ".Now, I'm a business man," he said, "w~ my head screwed on the right way, though it's I that says it as shouldn't. So 1 says to myself,' says I, 'Jenks, something must be done, and at once.' You know that gal o' mine? She has a great idea of literyism. Y\'liat 1 mean is, she likes reading; wastes her time, i says, though eddication's not what it used to be in my young days Anyhow, .she's always at them newspapers with their advertisements, so 1 gets an idea." "What, ou baint going to run a paper, landlord!"

! "No, better than that. What do 'ee think?" "Dunno." '"This place is haunted." Farmer George, who was just raising his glass to his lips, started violently, spilling some of the contents. "Uhostces! ilercy on us; but what proof have ye?"

"My spirits are always up to proof," replied Mr. Jenks with dignity, handing the farmer a newspaper. "It's—it's in th' paper?"

"Aye, and a paper never lies." "You read 'im. Y'ou knows how Oi gets tied up wr those nou-fangled words, as I never wor no scholar."

Mr. Jenks took the paper, and, having carefully wiped his glasses and cleared his throat, commenced to read—"Sensational Story.—The latest news from Little l'etherick tells us that the 'Old Cheese Inn' is haunted. This inn is one of the oldest in England, having been built about four hundred years ago by an ancestor of Mr. Jenks, the present ! proprietor. The Jenks ' family, during 'their lengthy holding of the inn, have 'acquired many curios and relics of noted personages who have patronised the house, and the collection is one of considerable value. There are several original portraits by Hogarth and other eminent painters. The apparition, which is supposed to be the spirit of some departed Jenks, haunts the room where the curios are kept. Xo doubt uneasiness for the safety o'f th? valuables troubles the ghostly visitant and accounts for its presence." "There, what do 'ee think o' that?" Fanner George thoughtfully filled his long churchwarden from the little tin baccy box.

""Well, I'm danged! Wherever did they get thie" from?" Mr. Jenks looked round cautiously. "Hush! Wc wrote it.'' "You? You wrote thic there!"

"Aye, my gal and 1," replied Mr. Jenks proudly. "Or, at least, something like it. They may have touched it up a bit—not that it has', improved it, though." "liut when did 'ee see the ghostec?" "Have not seen 'im. "Then it is all spool?" "Spooks—exactly. Merely to advertise my house." Farmer (Jcorge scratched his head thoughtfully. "Oi loan't know as Oi likes your idea, landlord. Spirits is not a thing to be joked with. They be mighty ticklish customers to deal with when they are riled. Supposjn' one did come and haunt 'ee, there'd ' -d pretty do, eh!"

"Xonsense," replied Mr Jinks, "there ain't no sich things. I never see'd one, nor you neither. Besides, 1 don't care if they do get riled so long as it bucko up my business."

The door from the kileh n opened suddenly, causing the fanner to start violently, liut it was not a ghostly visitant. It was merely Elfieda, the comely daughter of Jieiijamin Jenks. Elfieda was the belle of the village of Little i'ethcriek, and ctery'evening in the kitchen of the "Old Cheese" she held court. Here she dispensed gossip and bad beer to her admirers,: voting and old '•Telegram, pa—just come. Kvenin', Mister Oeorge." .Mr. Jenks read the telegram through, fheii read il through again, while iheother- ivaiteil wondering what i; .-.iibl ..■main. T-h-grams were'not .in everyday 0,-ciirrcnc<; in Little lVih.-ri •!;. and the contents' would no doubt iii.n;c excellent, gossip for ill • villagers. Mr Jenks scratched his head. "lleserve bed, shaltTie down 10 p.m., motor.—Montgomery." 'lor' love us! See, Farmer, that comes of the advertisement."

At the thought of tin; aristocracy arriving in a motor, car Farmer (ieorge gathered up his traps ami hurried olf. "Mark my words, landlord," he said as lie wont out, "them spirits'U get riled lif 'co doau't leave 'cm alone. Leave 'cm

alone, says i, or no good'll come o' it." Mr. Benjamin Jcnks thought otherwise Had they not already hecn the means of

this visitor coining to stay at (lie inn? No doubt .Mr. Montgmery had seen the notice in the paper, and, being interested in curios, as many rich men are, was coining down to look at them, and pcr!ri|is oiler their owner a large sum for some trilling thing. lint this was no time for speculation. The room had to be got ready, and Sam, tin; pot-boy, must be told what to do when the wealthy guest arrived. "Where's Sani?" asked Mr. .Tents. "Where the devil is that boy Sam? Xo doubt he's in some corner with his nose in a book. I've gut you, my gal, In

thank for this, getting him'into bad habits'. He sees you reading so much, and now he's taken to copying you, and

It! used to be RiTeli a sharp lad, too. It's an awful example of that there maxim,

'Kddieation corrupts good manners.'" Having; delivered himself of this tirade against Sam and education. Mr. Jenks 'stalked out of the room. Elfreda was u-eil to her father's ways, and complacently set to work to wash up the vari-

ens dirty pots and mugs in order to tidy up before Ibis Mr. Montgomery arrived. Suddenly a weird sound broke the still ness of the summer evening. Elfreda starlcd and listened, but was quickly reassured. Th- sounds were those of a penny whistle being playtd by someone outside the parlour windoW. | Elfreda crossed to the\ window and I opened it. \ | "Why. Ram, is "Yes, way I come^^H

ic Without waiting for an answer Saw •a proceeded to climb in through the window. Having done ,so, ho waited, resting first on oue loot, then on the other, and n nervously twisting the small straw in his mouth round and round. o Elfreda closed the window and drew t down the blind,' then looked at Sam 'i crilicisiugly. "Well, Samuel?" Klfrcda's authoritative air made Sam more nervous than before. "I—i. was serenading you," he began nervously. "Perhaps you do not know that the . proper way to serenade a lad vis outside . her ijcdroom window. That's the worst , of not being wl.l up in high-class penny , literature,'' replied Elfreda shortly, with superior knowledge. \ "Ah, Elfreda, you don't properly appreJciate mo and my music. You little think how hard I've studied in order to play you that 'Whistlcrian Nocturne.' I aint received a free education for nothing. Every 'morn when you be sleeping in your little cot I am out in the fields studying that little book I purchased the other day, 'The Elements ami Science of Penny Whistling,' by Paderouaky. I've larnt all the ins and'outs of fugue, counterpoint, and thorough bass. Couldn't we, therefore, have a little two-part harmony together, for there's no reason why this discord should be prolonged." "Sam, you drivel." "Do I? I'm sorry," replied Sam sadlv. "Then you won't marry mo?" ''Of course not." Sam put his whistle in his pocket and turned to the door. | "Very weil," he said desperately. ■lust then a motor horn sounded outside. ".Must be thie chap as was down th' j road just now underneath his motor. He was asking for the 'Old Clieese,' so I gave l him a short cut." ' Elfreda started in dismay. ".\lr Montgomery, who sent the telegram, and my hair all out of curl. What will he think of me!" With that she flew out of the room, leaving Sam standing stupidly gazing after her. While Sain stood looking after the retreating Elfreda a motor drew up outside. There was a slight pause, then the motor went off again, and the next moment a weird apparition appeared at the bar door, l'oor Sam nearly had a fit with fright. "Landlord in?" asked the spectre. Mr Jenks rushed in, in great excitement, to welcome the visitor. He, too, had rather of a shock at the first sight of the motorist, but was quickly reassured as the strange figure took off the motor goggles and cap and revealed the handsome face of the dark-haired ge-"Good-eveuin', sir. Mr. Montgomery, sir?" asked Mr. Jenks, making with his hands an invisible lather. "Yes, you had my telegram?" "Oh, yes, sir. Sam," turning abruptly to that individual, "go and put the gent's motor in the cowshed." Mr. Montgomery laughed. "I have sent my man batk to town with it. He will call for me when I telegraph him, since I may be here some days. ISy the way, is my room ready?" "I'll see, sir." Mr. Jenks went to the stairs and called up. "les, pa?" answered Elfreda shrilly, ■t that moment entering the room by another door and thereby causing Jenks a second fright. Jeuks looked with sorrowad renioiL-traiieo at his daughter, but, alas! his looks were lost upon her, lor she was gazing admiringly at Mr. Montgomery. Mr. Montgomery felt flattered by Elfreda's admiration. "Ah! the village bello which every village beau will want to ring." Elfreda blushed and cimsied, while Sam scowled. "And the very image of her father." Mr. Jeuks' good temper returned. He, too, was fond of admiration. 'Acs, sir, r the Jeukses always wor a good-looking family, tho' it's 1 that "Stays it as shouldn't."

"Have you reserved for me the haunted room?" asked Sir. Montgomery. "Oh, no, sir; you needn't be afraid o' that. Xo one sleeps there. That's where the valu'bles is kept," answered Sir. Jenks reassuringly. Sir. Sloutgoroery looked positively disappointed. "Ah, that's a pity, since 1 have come to look into the matter and lay the ghost." "What, our ghostcc!" exclaimed Jenks and J'llfrcda in one breath.

So the stranger had come to lay a ghost that never existed. Jcnks almost began to wish he had never put the article into the paper. "I am senr hy the Psychic Research Society," explained the handsome motorist. "Having seen the account of the apparition in the paper, they immediately sent me down to investigate, it being th.' province of the society to elucidate the mysteries of the unknown.''

"I'm sure it's very good of them to take ho much trouble on my account," said Jenka dubiously. Somehow an air of gToom'had Settled on the three inhabitants of the "Old i Cheese" They seemed to appreciate to a wonderfully small extent the trouble that the society and Mr. Montgomery were taking on their behalf.

Mr. Montgomery proceeded to regale his listeners with harrowing experiences of ghost-hunting. Those so worked on the nerves of EU'reda and Sam that, during tha recital of the ghost hunt, they crept noiselessly out. Mr. Jcnks stood it as long as he could, but at last felt he must stop the volubility of his visitor, and to do so, mildly and nervously su" gesled that Mr. Montgomery must be tired after his long journey. "And now, landlord, just one word about your own ghost," said Mr. Montgomery, as he sipped the whisky and water Jcnks had fetched for him. "When does it appear!" "Not every night reg-lar, sir. It may never appear whilst you are here." "'l'heu I'll wait till it does.

Mr. Montgomery questioned Jcnks all about the ghost: when it was Jirst seen, where, and so forth, till poor Jeiiks' head was in an absolute whirl. lie question id him as to the plan of the house,, and Hide him show him over it, making notes all the while. Jeiiks showed him the supposed haunted room where the curios where, he showed him his own bedroom, ami even the place where he kept his savings in a little blue bag under his pillow.

■'And now I'll retire and prepare for my lonely couch.' said Mr. Montgomery. "And don't be disturbed if you hear «oises in Hie night; it will only be the ghost and myself in deadly combat," he added reassuringly. "Yes, sir—l mean no, sir," said Jcnks, thoroughly upset.

"You go to bed and think no more about it, fur I'll lay this ghost of yours So that you won't be troubled again." •■Thank 'ee, sir," repiied Mr Jcnks. feeling vi'i'v iiiH-oinfortable.

•■For oiiee I undertake a job, I never leave it until I have sifted it to the very

■ !"i!k- lighted his guest's candle with trembling lingers, and showed him to his chamber, glad to get rid of him, and came down to sit by the fire aijd think, lie thought and thought till at last an idoa iamo to him, and ho slapped his leg with delight. -Why didn't I think of it before'; Here, Sam," he cried, as that worthy appeared. "Are you ambitious? Do you want to li!-: yourself?" "Oh, aye, I do. WUt do ; ee want me to play for "ueV" :'.rm's penny whistle came out of his pocket with alacriiy. '■Put away that penny squeaker,"' said denks angrily. "I don't want you to do anyihiug ridiculous, but something sublime."

"Whatever be that?" ''Listen! The gent upstairs thinks I there's a ghostee here." Saul scratched his head. "Aye, so lie does."

"Then there has to be one here," went on -lenks with conviction. "Aye, so there hast."

"And you shall be that ghostee," eon tinned lenks, laying his churchwarden down on the table.

"What, C)i!" exclaimed Sam in astonishment.

"Ves, Samuel, you arc the man on whom the responsible duty falls. On you lies the honour of getting this ancient hotel out of—out of a Tieastly mess. On yifnr shoulders will rest the blame for the business being smashed lo a thou sand fragments."

Sam, o,uile overcome, sat down abruptly on the table on the lop of denks 1 churchwarden.

■"Then what am I to do?" he inquired anxiously.

"Do!' Why, dress yourself up as a ghostee, to be, sure. Go up to his room and mak' him think he's seeing the one he came down to see."

"Hut supposing he's got a gun?" "Then dodge the bullet, of course, stupid," Jenks retorted with contempt at the" absurd question.

"I mightn't he able to," replied Sam Isadly, not relishing thefwojlp I "Tn lliai crw, I'll see have a df «?»{ funeral. You ' ' ''

n bound to make your mark one way i- another. I always said so." g Sam looked doleful! towards the staii d 'Miiko Ins mark, you mean. Well, ma a ter, I'll do it, I'll do it. I'll be revenue on that brute" for making eyes at 1 y freua." ! "That's right, my boy, that's rich Let 3 see what education can do fc once." Jonks, relieved; in his mind now I had provided a ghost for Mr. Mon gomery, of the Esychie Rcscareh'Soeiet' t to lay, retired to bed. He hoped tlni Sam would not bo discovered, but sti , tins was the best ami only way of re .iti'ieving his reputation, 'if Sam out ; | wilted Montgomery, Iho story of (h ghost would be told a"l over the place the papers would be full of it, and visi J tors would come in thousands to see th haunted room. Sinn, left alone, proceeded first ti lock up the premises for the night Hav mg done this, he took a tablecloth om of the kitchen drawer and wrapped him self completely up in it. so as to mal« himself as much like the convention;! ghost as possible All his drapericbemg arranged satisfactorily, he armed himself with a number of pewter nra« tied together with a string. ° So far so good. Now came tin crux of the matter. Kam felt vcrv nervous fjr ho was a country lad, and very superstitious, and did not like the idea of pretending to be a ghost. Had he not hoard tell of people who had scon r»il ghosts? It was therefore in great trf>pidation that he climbed the stairs to Montgomery's room, rattling the mugs and groaning realistically He reached' I the landing, then stopped" to listen All iwas nuict. Suddenly a faint moan reached lus ear, apparently proceeding irom the end of the passage, fie pulled himself" together, telling himself it wns only the wind, and gave another groan and rattled his mugs. Then .he stopped suddenly, for, from the end of the passage a mysterious hand shone with a weird bluish light flickering up and down A blood-curdling yell rent the air, amid a clattering of chains. Sam fled for his life down the stairs five at a time, the mugs he had dropped in his flight clanking behind him and adding to his frighE. At the bottom his feet caught in the sheet, and over and oyer he fell. Hastily picking himself up, he looked behind him, and saw a figure

clothed in a white shroud just enter™ the bni. As it stepped off the last stair Sam rushed for the kitchen door, threw himself througH", and locked it behint him, as the white figure readied tht centre of the bar parlour. The shrouded figure gave a lowghostly chuckle, and, throwing off the white garment, disclosed the form oi Montgomery, his arms full of Jinks' treasures. <->-~',; Montgomery quickly proceeded to lay all the curios and valuables in the -shcut with which he had enshrouded himself. He laid them carefully in, so that no thing slionld be damaged. "Hogarth, worth £2OO as sure as my name's Cracksman Alf," ho chuckled, as he rolled up a picture cut out of its frame. "Poor old Jenks will be. surprised at my sudden departure, but he shouldn't put 'fake' advertisements in the papers. It will lie a lesson to him." Having tied up the bundle, he cautious ly opened the window and called softly: "Bill, you there?" "Vus, Alf. Got the swag?" "Bather! Here's the washing." The bundle was handed out. "Now got off before the old man comes, and wait for me at the eross roads. There's something else to get." "Kighto So long, cockv." The faint hum of the'motor starting and departing was heard by Jenks vpstairs. "Sam, is that you?" he called. Receiving no answer from Sam, he came cautiously downstairs, clad in his shirt and trousers. Over his shoulder )mng one brace, which he bad neglecte-i to fasten. Behind him came Elfreda. in her red dressing-gown. I Meanwhile Montromcrv went nnietlv I

-to the door under the shirs' loadin" to tl)n back of the premises, and slipped silently through. Mr. .leaks, catching sight of one of liu curios on the floor, accidentally overlooked by Montgomery, and then, at the open window, took in the situation. "Burglars! They've run off with my vnlu'bles, and T'm a ruined man. Hanged if it isn't that Physical Researcli chap in his motor. 'Ere, Sam, Elfreda, arter 'cm. we'll catch 'em yet."

.Tonics rushed to the door leading to the street, hurriedly unbolting it, and tore out, followed by Elfreda al! down the village street, in a vain chase after (he ,fiying motor. Somewhat reassured at the sound of human voices, Sam cautiously opened the door and looked out. Seeing no one, he came out into the bar pariour, and went to the door that opened to the street. While ho was .gazing out into the night, Jfontgomery crept down the stairs with Jeuks' blue bag of savings in his hand. Sam was blocking the exit to the street, so he quietly took an empty saucepan off the fire, and, creeping up lieliind Sam, successfully bonneted him with it. And, with a bound through the window, and a "Ta-ta, old man," Montgomery gained (he open air, and was lost in the darkness of the night.