CURIOUS EPITAPHS.

Colonist, Volume IV, Issue 428, 29 November 1861, Page 4

CURIOUS EPITAPHS.

Mr. Horatio Edward Norfolk's collection of epitaphs, taken for the most part, \uiless we are misled by certain features of the compilation, from various county histories, contains nmeh food for laughter, and some material for reflection. The following inscription in the churchyard of Chigwcll, Essex, is new to us: — This disease you ne'er heard tell on— I died of eating too much melon: Be careful, then, all you that feed—l Suffered because I was too greedy. At Cheltenham the moral of an epitaph is directed against the folly of drinking too much Cheltenham water:— Here lies I and my three daughters, Killed by a drinking of the Cheltenham waters; If we had stuck to Epsom salts, We'd not been lying in these here vaults. ' Sir (said Dr. Johnson) it is a shame to speak ill of a man behind his back, but I think the gentleman who has just left the room is—an attorney.' A similar sentiment as to the prevailing rascality of lawyers of the lower grado is found on a gravestone in Swaffham, Norfolk :— 1 Here lieth one, believe it if you can, Who tho' an attorney was an honest man, The gates of heaven shall open wide, But will be shut agaimt all the tribe beside.' The following couplet on a miser's tomb is epigrammatic:— ' Here lies Old Father Gripe, who never cried ' Jam satis;' 'Twould wake him did he know you read his tombstone gratis.' This couplet, also, from Prince Edward's Island, is r.ot without its merits, though the rhyme is far from satisfactory:— ' Here lies the body of poor Charles Lamb, Killed by a tree that fell slap bang,' In an epitaph, which has escaped Mr. Norfolk's notice, the composer met most ingeniously the impossibility of making the dead man's name rhyme with the instrument of his death:— 1 Here lies Richard Dunn, Who was killed by n gun. His name was Pryme, But that wouldn't rhyme.' Several years since, an inhabitant of Woolwich , died, leaving a testamentary order that his tombstone should be inscribed with the well-known lines:— 1 Youthful reader, passing by ! As you are now so once was I, As I am now, so you must be, Therefore prepare to follow me.' The widow of the deceased, who did not honor her lord more than the ordinary run of wives, obeyed her late husband's injunctions, but added a postcript of her own composition:— ' ' To follow you I am not content Until I know which way you went.' Tho gravestone with this addition was for a considerable period to be seen in Woolwich Churchyard, but after much persuasion tho late Rector prevailed on tho widow to permit him to remove the flippant lines. ,