Wit and Humour.

Te Aroha News, Volume XIV, Issue 2081, 1 March 1898, Page 2

Wit and Humour.

‘ Oh, Bridget 1 I told you to notice when the pot boiled over.’ ‘ Shu re I did,, mum. It was a quarter past ll.’ Little Billie :, ‘ Mayn’t I stay up, ma, and hear Mr Smith sing V (Mr Smith sings,) Little Billie (going cheerfully): ‘ I’d, as soon ’a.ve been in bed.’" Aunt, Fanny : Goodness,. Tommy! What a lot of toys. Santa Claus has brought you! Papa: Yes, indeed ! Tommy has toys enough to last him a couple of days,’ Footpad :■ Please would you* be so kind, sir,, as to assist a poor man, sir. Besides this, ’fere bludgeon, loaded with e-.id, I have nothing in. the wide world to call my own.’ Scheming Mother: : My dear,, don’t you think we should invite young Pror lessor Jones. 7 He is said: ta be so. awfully absent-minded.. Perhaps he, might make love to our Julia. Little Clarence :• Pa, do you suppose a bashful woman suffers as much, as a bashful, man ? Mr Callipers :- ‘ That is. not a fair question,, my son ; there are no. bashful women..

*- It’s the little tbiugs that puzzle one* Mr Soak.’ - *• That’s so. Now,, last night, for instance, I had no trouble jin finding the . house I lived-in, but confound me if I could find the keyhole.* 1 Great men,’ remarked the thoughtful youth, ‘are frequently "misunderstood by the public.’ ‘That,’ replied the politician,, gravely, ‘is very true. And mighty lucky it is for some of them,’

‘Johnny,’ said the boy’s father* ‘I suppose you are going to hang up your stocking this Christmas ?’ ‘ No, I’m not,.’ was the reply, ‘ Why not ?* ‘ Because,.’ the boy answered, looking straight at his father, ‘ you couldn’t put a bicycle in my stocking,’

Helen What do you think, dear ? Henry Benedict proposed to me last evening 1 Lousie : I could have guessed it. Helen : Why ? Lousie I refused him the evening before, and when he left me I knew by his look that he intended to da something desperate.

A Peep into the Puture.—Secretary of the Navy t What is your pleasure, ladies ? Spokeswoman : I believe you call a man-of-war ‘she ’ don’t you? Secretary of the Navy : Yes, ma’am. Spokeswoman ; Well, then, we demand that you call her a womaa-of-war. Mother: Johnny, you said you’d been to Susday school. Johnny (with a far - away look): Yes mamma. Mother: Sow does it happen that your hanc’s smell of fish ? Johnny : I carried home the Sunday school paper, ai’. the outside page is all about Joiah an’ th’ whale. ‘Whyis it you aever come around to see us any more, Charlie ? Have we ever tone anything to offend you ?’ * No. it’suothing you've done, but, if you insiffc upon having the truth*, it’s your chi'dren.’ ‘ Our children ! Why, what onearth do you mean ?’ * You see, the/ve got old enough to recite now.’