CHRISTMAS CONUNDRUMS.

Te Aroha News, Volume VII, Issue 432, 28 December 1889, Page 3

CHRISTMAS CONUNDRUMS.

How many ants make a landlord ?— Ten-ants. When has a man four hands ?— When tie doubles his fists. On what too does a corn never come ?— The mistletoe. Where Is happiness always to be found?— ln the dictionary. When is a man not a man?— When ho turns into a lane. What pudding makes the best cricketer?— A good batter. Why is the letter G like the sun 7— Because it is the centre of iight. When are secrets like the sails of ships?— When they get wind. What is that which flies high, flies low, has no teet, and jet wears shoes ?— Dust. How many sticks go to build a ctovv'a neat?— None, because they are all carried. How can a boy make his jacket last? — By making his waistcoat and trousers first. Why uro fishermen and Bhephords llko beggars?— Because they live by hook and crook. " What is it that goes up the hill, and down the hi 1, and yet it never moves ?— The road. If you throw a man out of the window, what docs he fall against.'— His inclination. Whyidn'ta fishmonger a niou acquaintance! — Because he is pure to bo a sell-fish man. Why is a bald-headed man like a hound?— Because he makes a Jittlo hare go a great way. If a bee should stand upon its hind legs, whit blessing would ho obtain?— A bee-attitude. Why it a cabstand like a lawyer's desk?'— Becnuse conveyances arc drawn up upon it. When is a pair of boots like a dyintf man?— When the sole is departing from the body. Why do little birds in their nests agree ?—Bocause it they did not they would all full out. Why are ripe potatoes in the ground liko thieves J— Because thoy ought to bo taken up. Why is a bookbinder a most charitable person?— Because ho often covers a multitude of faults. Why is coffee like an axo with a dull edgol— Became it must be ground before it can bo used. Why are fowls the most profitable things to keep? -Becauso for every grain they givo a peck. Why is a physician's prescription a good articlo to feed pigs on ? - Becauso ii is composed of grains. vx by is a coal charity the bestof all charities? — re-ause it makes Uio receivers gra(c full— (grjucful). Why docs a chicken thrco weeks »nd two days old walk across the road?— To get to tho other side. Why arc the stars the oldest astroiomers t— Because they have studied (studded) the benvens for apes. Why is a talkative youin? man like a younK pig?— Because if he livos, he is likely to becoma & great bore. What is that which every man can divide, but which no man can sec where it has been divided?— Wa'e. 1 . By what means can bliss 1 c mndo painful?— Drop one letter.andadd thrco, and bliss becomes blister. Why does a cook mnke more noise than a boll?— Becauso one makes a din, but tho other makes a dinner. Why may it bo said thnt Dutchmen came into tho world ready drcsselJ-Bocauso they arc Lorn in Holland. When docs a dog become larger nnd smaller ! — When hois let out at night, and taken in in the morning. Why should a donkey bo a bad debtor?— Becauso he is more likely to pay in kicks than in halfpence. When is it dangerous to walk in tho country • — When the hedges urc shootm;?, and tho buKD-rushcs out. What is the difference between a hungry man and a glutton?— uno lougs to cut, and tlto other eats too long. Why is chloroform liko Mcndcl-sohn or Bossini?— Because it is ono of the greatest composer? of modern times. \t hy arc your no3e and your chin constantly at variance?— Because words are constantly passing between them. Why should doctors bo less liable than other* to bo Bick on the ocean ?— Becauso they are more used to sec sickness. What is that which occur 3 once in a minute, twice in a moment, i«ut not once in a thousand years ?— The letter M. When might tho moon bo said to have overindulged somewhat?— When Bho is on her last quarter and is about, lu'l. What is that w hich u\ cryono wishes to have, and which everyone wishes to get rid ot directly he obtains it?— A good appetite. Why i 3 tho horse tho most humane of all animals?— Because he gladly gives tho bit out of his mouth, and listens to every woe. What is the ditlerencc botweon «n npt quotation nnd a shut-up lancet!— One is a case i» point, nnd the other Js a point in case. What is that which goes vr hen a waggon gee*. 3tops when the waggon stops, is of no ueo to the wacrgon, and yet is what tho waggon cannot go without? -Noise. Why is the poit of Plymouth like a very wonderful rhooomenon in acoustics?— Because Jt includes a part of the Sea called the Sound, and that is the only sound that you enn sec. Why is an amiabJe and cl arming girl like one letter in deep thought— ano her on its way towards you — -mother bearing a toreh — ana another singing psalms?— Because sho is Amusing, B-coming, D-lighting, N-chanting.