Found Out.—One Case in Many.

Te Aroha News, Volume VII, Issue 406, 28 September 1889, Page 5

Found Out.— One Case in Many.

I had a friend once who passed in society for a remarkably sober young man. He belonged to the church, he taught Sunday school, he was a porfeet pack-mule in regard to prayer-books, and all the ladies of the congregation loved him and held him up as a model youth. It was piedicted thit a religious heiress, who had a religious papa, was enamoured of my friend, and that the papa tavoured the penchant because of the youth's religious principles and irreproachable character. I chanced to meet him at tho gate of the adored one's mansion one day. We passed in together, greeted the ladies, and sat down. Now, for the first time. 1 noticed a deep and settled gloom on my friend's brow. I thought some calamity had befallen him, and I whispered asking if he were ill. ' No, sir,' he replied, regarding me sternly ; 'do I look ill ? Confound it. Do I?' 1 Hush, hush !' I said, ' you do not. It is all right.' I knew his secret then. My religious friend was full to the muzzle, and was struggling most manfully to conceal his plight from the ladies by a mournful, downcast air, as the greatest contrast to tho hilarity produced by the bottle. His sweetheart sang a merry air from one of the comic operas. Ib aflected my friend to tears, and he sobbed bitterly. ' For goodness' sake, dry up,' I said, 'this is not a melancholy air ; you are mistaken. Laugh, or the ladies will drop at once to the fact that you are plumb full.' He gave me a look of gratitude, and burst into a roar of laughter that actually rattled the glasses on the refreshment table, and brought the song to a close. Still, no one suspected the true condition of the unfortunate accident. We made our adieux, he moving carefully, and without a stagger, but with a tendency to crowd too many bows into his farewell, and to back out after the manner of a courtier leaving the royal presence. This was his rum, for he tripped backward over an ottoman ' and came heavily to the floor. I rushed to raise him, and found that he could not stand, and would make no effort. He damned the father of his prospective bride from the soles of his feet to the crown of his head, and while the ladies stood pale and horrified about the wretched inobriate, he began a song which compelled me to stuff a napkin in his mouth, and call for the hackman's help to bear him to the carriage. A fellow who never made any pretensions to piety — and consequently was received without suspicion — carried off the heiress.

A worthy shoemaker, recounting to Dr. Chalmers his blessings, said that "he and his family had lived happily together for 30 yeara, without a single quarrel." The doctor merely said, " Terribly monotonous, man."