ODDS AND ENDS.

Te Aroha News, Volume V, Issue 226, 29 October 1887, Page 2

ODDS AND ENDS.

A Scotchwoman from tho country applied lately to a rcsnertable solicitor for advice. After dotailinj the circumstances of t)\e ea*.e, sho wai anked if she hnd stated tho fact-* exactly a« they had occurred " On, ay. pir. " rejoined tho applicant, " I thouizht it befct to toll you tho plain truth ; you can put the lees till't youri>el.". A French woman *ftVB *he once paid a larga sum of monov to lonrn how to ?<'t n certain noo«e into * How. What mosr girta want to know is how to get a certain beau into a noose. A man went into ft shop, and flays he " Faith, an' did yon put in tho parers that you wanted a man ?" " Yes," said the shop keeper, "and I distinctly stated that, all applications must ho made bv mail. " "An " faith an* it's meself that's a male, sure, " says Put, and he was hired. In an ndvertisfiment by a railway comrany of some uncalled-for good*, the letter" 1" hod dropped from the word lawful, nnd ib re id : " People to whom these puckages ar<» directed, are requested to come forward and pay tho lawful chargea on the same.' About thii ty ejirls employed up " spoolers " in the Webster, Pembroke, arid China cotton mills, at Snneook, New Hampshire, struck recently for more wage*. The mills there run seventy hours a week. An Irißh landlord, noted for his largo per con, was lying seriously ill, and one of the tenant?, who came to inquire after his " masther, " was informed that he was being kept up by the occasional administration oP teaspoonfulß of brandy. Whereupon he rejoined, somewhat contemptnusly : " Tayapoons is it ? And what good would a tayspoon be Bthraying about in such a wilderness of man ? " A man showed a lawyer a sfl. piece and asked him whether he thought it was a eood one. The lawyer said that, it was, put it in his pocket, said his usual fee for advice was flu Bd, and would the inquirer pl<?a«e to eend the balance of 1b 8d round to his office at hia earliest convenience. Dublin Cabby: Car, «or? yes sor ; do vez wont an outside car or an inside cur, for ?—? — Fare: Oh, I am not particular whnt's the difference ?— Cubby : Sure, your honour an outside car lias the whaleß inwide, and an inside car hns the whules outside ; that's all the difi'eience. ( Tell me what first attracted you to me What pleasant clmraotmstie did I poHHeRS which placed me above other women in your sight.* asked a lady of her husband. Her brutal lord and master said, 'I give it up.' ______