A Vision of the Future.

Te Aroha News, Volume II, Issue 57, 5 July 1884, Page 5

A Vision of the Future.

[By " Daoo.net," is the " Hekjvrj;!.."]

A vounu man of good position advertises for a situation us barman, and says that " his name would be an attraction to the house." 1 wonder who lie is. Now that earls and marquises go out a.s clerks, and baronets become dock labourers, it is quite on the cards that the celebrity who asphes to be a potman is the holder of an historic title. Things have only to go on for a few years as they are going on now, and the advertisement columns of the "Times" will be curious reading indeed.

From tiik " Times, 1' 1900. A duke, with three years' character from his last placo, desires a situation in an actor's family as footman, where a lady'smaid is kept; willing to make himself generally useful, A middle-aged earl, connected with royalty by marriage, would like to have charge of chambers or any position of trust. His countess is clever with her needle, and can make jam. A respectable marchioness wants washing. Mangle and good dry airing-ground. Chimneys swept and carpets beaten by contract. Apply to Viscount Sans-sou, who came over with the Conqueror. Present address, 40, Flower and Dean-street; ring top bell twice. Lord Tomnoddy, late billiard-marker at tho Chickaleary Cove, requires a similar position. Salary not so much an object as a comfortable berth in a Christian billiardroom. A clergyman is anxious to recommend the Countess Comacropper as dresser to a theatiical lady. The countess was formerly an actress, but gave way to drink. She is now in the infirmary of the Bermondsey Workhouse, but Avill soon be discharged, and her friends are anxious to give her another start. A baronet requires a situation as salesman in Billingsgate Market. Speaks the language fluently. The Honourable Bill Blucblood, poodle trimmer to the Archbishop of Canterbury, seeks to extend his connection. N.B.—Ferrets, rats, and pigeons at the shortest notice. Call and inspect stock. The only address 73^a, Seven-dials No connection with Lord Algernon Blueblood opposite. A butcher's lady is anxious to recommend her kitchenmaid, the orphan daughter of a duchess now in the alms-houses. The wife of a stockbroker is parting with her coachman, the Earl of Da>sh. He is i sober, steady fellow, and docs not object to clean windows. Situation near the House of Lords preferred, as he is required to attend and vote occasionally.

Madame Cresswell, an infamous woman of King Charles ll. 's reign, died a prisoner in Bridewell, London. She desired by will to have a pennon preached at her funeral, for which the preacher -was to have £10, but upon this exprc&s condition, that he Avas to say nothing but what was well of her. A preacher was with some difficulty found who undertook the task. After a sermon on the general subject of mortality, he concluded with saying — ' ' By the will of the deceased it is expected I should mention her, and say nothing but what was well of her. All that I .shall say of her, thorofore, is thu« : she was born well, she lived vjelly and she died zveil ; for she was born with the name of Crcasioell, she lived in ClerkoMue//, and she died in Bvideivell." Mr Godfrey Knight, the Actuary and Inspector of the Equitable Life Assurance Society of the United States, is now on a visit to this colony for the purpose of establishing a branch of the Society. He has fixed upon Auckland as the head office of the New Zealand branch, and the local directors are — the Hon. Sir Frederick Whitaker, M.L.C., Hon. James Williamson, M.L.C., and Dr. Campbell. The advent ot this important life company, the largest in the world excepting the Mutual Life of New York, is a matter of some importance to our community, because it introducesa newjjfeature in life insurance, — the Tontine system of distribution of profits. Under this system the profits are accumulated for the benefit of the longlived. The short-lived get an adequate return for their payments in the sum assured, and are not entitled to profits which they have not earned.