AIDS TO LOQUACITY

Sun (Auckland), Volume III, Issue 904, 22 February 1930, Page 19

AIDS TO LOQUACITY

Whene'er a hen lays eggs, with each She is impelled to make a speech. The selfsame urge stirs human bones Whenever men lay cornerstones. Entertaining the Eels.— An expert says that a wireless talk broadcast from America could be heard at the bottom of the North Sea. A new terror is added to Davy Jones’s locker. * * * Banshee Solo. —He: “She sang that song in a haunting manner.” She: “Bo you think so?” He: “Yes, there was just the ghost of a resemblance to the original air.” * * * Headlong Docility.— Clark: “Boes your wife really obey you?” Barker “Sometimes. When I say ‘Go ahead and never mind me.’ she always does.” ,

Zoological What- Is- It ?—Teacher : “Johnny, to what class of the animal kingdom do I belong?” Johnny: “I don’t know, teacher. Pa says you’re an old hen and ma says you’re an old cat.” * * • With Kind Words from the Editors.— Scribbler: “Give to the world the best you have and the best will come back to you.” Scratcher: “Yes, that’s the way it’s been with every poem I’ve written so far.” * * 4 Wanton Madcap. —Captain Orlebar, this British speed demon, who recently flew in that wonderful new plane at the rate of 368 miles an hour, is said to be about the best croquet-player in England. We knew there was a wild streak in him somewhere. * • a When Time Drags. —The self-made man was in the midst of his first interview. “How,” inquired the reporter, “did you find time to read in those formative years?” « The self-made man patted his chest proudly. “I kept a good book open on my desk,” said he, “and read it during telephone calls—while holding the wire after someone had said, ‘Just a moment, please.’ ” • * * Bits and Pieces. —The stream of traffic which had been released by the policeman was held up by an antiquated coupe, the driver of which was making frantic efforts to engage his gears, thereby making a terrific grinding noise. After waiting hopefully for two or three minutes, a taxi-driver, who was next in line, was heard to remark, loudly and sarcastically: “Go on, Archibald, chuck ’em all in together, and sort ’em out when you get home.” * * * There’s A Reason. —“I’ve been watching that mechanic for the last fifteen minutes. There’s a man who knows his business. He didn’t spill a drop of oil on the ground. He put. down the hood gently, fastened it securely, and left no fingerprints on it. He wiped his hands on clean waste before opening the door, spread a clean cloth over the upholstery, meshed the gears noiselessly, and then drove slowly into the street.” “Yeah, that’s his own car.”

Natural Advantages.— Boy: “You have a vacancy for a boy, I believe, sir?” Employer: “Yes, but I tell you at once that he must be a boy who never tells a lie, never swears, and never gives a discourteous answer. Boy: “I’ll send my cousin, sir—he’s deaf and dumb!” • o • Not a Gift. — A businesslike man stepped into a butcher’s shop. “A piece of beef for roasting!” he ordered briskly. The meat, mostly bone, was thrown on the scales. >“Look here!” remonstrated tho man. “you’re giving me a big piece of bone!” “Oh, no I ain’t,” said the butcher blandly, “you are payixlg for it!”