A Jest or Two

Sun (Auckland), Volume III, Issue 904, 22 February 1930, Page 19

A Jest or Two

Detour Fan.—“l understand your husband can’t meet his creditors.” "I don’t believe he wants to, particularly.” • * • Reaping the Reward.— “l didn’t marry beauty, my boy; I didn’t marry wealth or position; I married for sympathy.” “Well, you have mine.” Dig for Dad.— Little Ethel: “Mother, are you the nearest relative I’ve got?” Her Mother: “Yes. dear, and your father is the closest.” Out of the Frying Pan.— Mistress: “Why did you leave your last place, Mary ?” Maid: “Because I did not know what this one was like.”

His Eyes Were Bigger than It.— “How did you like the party, Jackie?” “Awful! You said I could eat as much as I liked, and I couldn’t.” He Bleeds Words.—Buck: “Can you give me a definition of an orator?” Private: “Sure. He's the fellow who’s always ready to lay down .your life for his country.” • • • Hint For Travellers. —To close a trunk when overpacked. 1. Lose key down the well. 2. Trunk lid will automatically slam and remain permanently locked. • • • Convenient Siren. —In London, recently, a baby gave the alarm for fire and roused the occupants. A campaign is to be launched urging every householder to install one of these useful little gadgets. * * * Stylish Extravagance. —Jones: “So your mother-in-law died of an operation?” Smith: “Yes, and I understand now she could just as well have died without it” Driving With Brains. —Friend: “Say. Bill, why do you always hit your horses on one side?” Teamster: “I figure if I get one side going, the other is pretty sure to follow.” • • • Or Get Rich Behind a Rolls-Royce.— “Papa, I saved ten cents today. I ran all the way to school behind a street car.” “Why didn’t you run behind a taxicab and save a dollar?” * m m One at a Time.—“ When Is the next train out of this town?” “Twelve o’clock, sir.” “What? Isn’t there one before that?” “No, sir. We never run one before the next”

Edifying Humility.—Doctor: “The best thing for you is to stop drinking and smoking, go to bed early and get up early in the morning.” Patient (considers a bit): “Say, Doe. I don’t think I’m worthy of the best; what’s second choice?” * * * On Paper.— American Millionaire (dictating will): “I leave 20.000d01. to every one of my servants who has been in my employ 20 years or more.” Lawyer: “That is noble of you.” Millionaire: “Yes, it looks well and costs nothing. Not one has Deen with me more than two years.**