The Can’t-Afford-to-Marry Women

Sun (Auckland), Volume II, Issue 560, 12 January 1929, Page 16

The Can’t-Afford-to-Marry Women

“Women Have Won Through to Independence and Many of Them Avoid Marriage Because Marriage Means Giving tip too Much.” So Says Joan Kennedy, One of England’s Well-Known Novelists.

There are women who want to marry, women who do not want to marry, women whom men do not want to marry, and women who tell you that they can’t afford to mary. Modern conditions have produced these latter. They are often celibates of circumstance, in many instances held back from marriage because they are not free agents in a world which, though offering more chanices for women day by day, is at the same time growing harder for women. Woman’s very independence looks like being her undoing. Very few unmarried women to-day, speaking of the great middle class, are relying on male relations for the provision of the roof over their heads, the food they eat, the clothes they wear. Rather we find women with others dependent on them. BIG RESPONSIBILITIES

Through those 10 years which have nearly passed since the Great War ended, many women have been bearing responsibilities left them by that time of turmoil. There are children for whose welfare and education many an unmarried sister in a good position has made herself responsible. She cannot expect a man, even though he loves her, to take on what she shouldered. so she stays out of marriage. Sometimes it is a parent whose life a daughter provides for. The man who loves her can make enough for two, and may hope to keep his own small family to follow, but he cannot be expected to provide for in-laws, so again a woman denies herself marriage. She capnot afford to marry, because by taking what her own heart craves she may leave others destitute. That is one side of the picture—the

woman who fnartyrs herself from a sense of duty to others. But she is not the only type who will tell you that she can’t afford to marry.

A good many women these days fill excellent positions, to win which they have studied long and worked hard. They are not stop-gap women who took on any labour to fill in the time of waiting and hoping for marriage. Having set a goal, and attained it, they very naturally wish to retain the post which is theirs. Often enough it is a better post with larger salary than the one held by the man who offers marriage. To marry a man who is nowhere near them in earning capacity does not appeal very much, for the 50-50 marriage is not always possible. * In some instances marriage means giving up their jobs where they are Government or public positions, and an ambitious woman does not desire to substitute domesticity for her career in the world. THE ETERNAL PROBLEM Marriage or a career? The old question. Very often ambition wins, and she says: “I can’t afford to marry; it would mean giving up all I have worked for —throwing away my career, being tied, to domestic work for which I have no aptitude, being dependent, and having no money of my own.” Marriage means sacrifice to such women, but not self-sacrifice, so they refuse marriage. Who dares to judge them ?

Tn olden days" we should have written that they were missing the glory of their womanhood by barring maternity. We should have bewailed the

empty years qC old age and the tragedy of loneliness. But times have changed, and women with them. Sacrifice may still bring heart compensations and self-satisfaction, but we cannot judge the acts of to-day and tomorrow by the results of yesterday. The unmaraied woman with a successful career gets some satisfaction from being successful, and she does not shut out all the fun of life because she is ambitious. She finds tkna for many things her married sister must refuse, and she very much enjoys being a woman. Men and women are her friends, and the world is her interest. She may never be a mother, but she finds many opportunities for mothering, and she has the joy of children without being troubled by the worries they can also bring. Being “auntie” can give a woman who loves children quite a lot of joy. BACHELOR WOMEN If she wishes, she can always adopt a baby, and be responsible for its upbringing. As for old age and the bogey of loneliness, it does not exist to-day, when few women, grow old in their hearts. The unmarried woman grows old along with her own generation, and finds her hands and her heart full all along the way with her work and service to others, which brings its own reward of happiness. The status, too, of the bachelor woman has improved. There is n*> longer magic in the prefix of Mrs. The very fact that we find to-day many married professional women who insist on using their maiden names should prove this. Women have won through to independence, and many of them avoid marriage because marriage means giving up too much.