THAT WORD “OBEY”

Sun (Auckland), Volume II, Issue 488, 18 October 1928, Page 5

THAT WORD “OBEY”

Dear Miss Rutledge,— The other day my wedding was postponed because I refused to say “Obey” in the marriage service. Afterwards I felt terrible about it, but cannot yet bring myself to stand before God’s alt.-ir and make such a vow. My fianc£. the only son of strict oldfashioned parents, has been taught to believe in the enforcement of a husband's authority-. He will on no consideration marry me unless I promise to obey him and excises himself by saying that it is just a matter of principle with him. I believe he loves me, but his affection , delights in a certain amount of tyranny. I have come to the conclusion that I could not possibly live with a person who constantly forced me to mould my ideas and habits to suit his approval, for I am sure that my fiance would be most unpleasant, if I rebelled after marriage. I hesitate now to marry him, and feel grateful that my eyes have been opened in time. Ho you think by breaking off now I shall look foolish in the eyes of the world? TILLY. ANSWER. I wonder how a modern man has the nerve to try to put that “obey” twaddle across. His theories are about 30 years behind the times. Love, honour and respect, yes, but not obey. Marriage should be a partnership, in which the woman has as much interest as her husband. Like all business partnerships, cooperation is the “open sesame” to success. In this country, it is not necessary for a wife to endure any harsh treatment from her husband. She is not a chattel, afraid to offend her lord and master lest she be turned adrift. Without labouring the idea of equality, it cannot be denied that in many walks of life, women are successfully assuming all kinds of responsibilities. It certainly does not become a man to think that his opinions are necessarily better than those of a woman, and that his experience of life is superior to hers. But, Tilly, it was too Lad of you to wait until the last minute before taking a stand, as the situation must be very embarrassing to all concerned. Your fiance' has every right to feel aggrieved. Of course, it is awkward to break off the affair now, but remember “the eyes of the world” dc* not have to live with your fianc£. Furthermore, after marriage it is much more unpleasant to “make a break” even in this enlightened age. ANNE RUTLEDGE. • * * CASTING OUT FEAR Dear Miss Rutledge,— About three years ago J had reason to please the chief of my firm very much. After complimenting me on my business ucumen and ability, he promised me a rise in salary and an executive position if I continued along the same lines during the following three years. Needless to say, I set my heart on this goal and constantly endeavoured to fit myself for this appointment, both in and out of business hours. I have worked hard as a successful producer for the firm. Yesterday, my chief expressed his pleasure at my record and appointed me secretary of the company. After the interview, I experienced excitement but no actual pleasure. I was nervous and suffered acutely from self-consciousness. I feel that I am not naturally equipped to bear this new responsibility; that I haven’t got the right personality for my new job. To add to my embarrassment, my mother and sweetheart do nothing else but congratulate and praise me. I am afraid to tell them what I really feci about it. PETER. AN 8 WER. Now, Peter, calm yourself, and let the reaction work off. Realise that the world mostly takes you at your own valuation and what you reflect or express. If you are actually afraid of responsibility, then you must be content to stay in the “rut” and make way for .someone else with a stouter heart. Apparently you had grit enough over a long period to work yourself into the High esteem of the management. You

+ i know that the average manager is a shrewd judge of character and would not promote frivolously. lour manager believes that you are ■ « I Rtch(S U you a f, r°\e th “ ’’° b and he has I.ifl your mind above the mist. • qua re your shoulders and go to it. This IS a milestone in your life. If you do not respond to the call of this opporunity, .vou may never get another. Jrice more, brace yourself and keep your self-respect. Throw fear aside. If 1 were in your shoes, Peter, I would ask for a holiday, as you need toning l »P When away and seeing things from a different perspective, you will he thankful that you decided to carry on” to further conquests and a larger vision. ANNE RUTLEDGE. * * * CROSSING OVER Hear Miss Rutledge,— Recently my young daughter, aged 17. passed into the “Great Beyond” and left me brokem-hearted, faced with a lonely old age. Can you suggest any helpful thought to lighten my sorrow and burden? LITTLE MOTHER. ANSWER. I will do my best, Little Mother; but hrst let us gu back to the early happv days of your young motherhood, when the Creator first gave your little daughter into your care. • What a precious charge she was! So . perfect; fingers exquisitely manicured: soft, satin skin as pink as a sea-shell. What a wonderful stewardship was Have you been true and loyal to your trust? Then, if so, surely you have cause to rejoice rather than sorrow. All your Maker expects is that you fulfil your mission in life. When you feel lonely for your daughter, feel grateful that you were blessed with the joy of watching a young life develop for 17 years; you will be surprised at the comfort to be gained by this understanding. There is no reason for the evening of your life to be empty and burdensome. Just sit back and think of suffering humanity around you. Can you visualise perhaps orphan children and unwanted and unloved babies, who would benefit by such a wonderful mother-love as yours? If you took one of these little lives under your wing, much happiness would flow your way. Such service brings its own reward. ANNE RUTLEDGE. * * * FAT OR SLENDER? Dear JVJiss Rutledge,— Should a man in choosing -a wife be particular as to height and build? A plump •woman might be too easy-going, and a slender one, highly-strung and quickly upset. It seems to me that physique is often related to disposition. What is your opinion? PONDERING PAUL. ANSWER. Well, Paul, I have heard many men say that they prefer the robust type of woman who looks as though she enjoys a good meal and does credit to a full larder. But, my dear man. the qualities of the mind are not always reflected in contours, especially in these dieting days. A woman’s figure counts, but her disposition is far more important. Besides, how many slender women become plump in later life? If the nice disposition is there to begin with, what else matters? Take my advice, Paul, and find out if the girl of your heart has the affection and intelligence to hold you to the end of your life. Study her habits to know if. she is careful or extravagant; cheerful or fault-finding; generous or niggardly. Find out if she is a good manager. When things are not plain-sailing, will she give you a thump on the back to buck you up? Will she be a loyal and courageous pal? Believe me, lad, these are the things that matter after the knot is tied. Don’t rush your engagement. Plump or slender, love is the foundation of true happiness. ANNE RUTLEDGE.