ENLISTING A LAWYER.

Southland Times, Issue 1198, 21 January 1870, Page 3

ENLISTING A LAWYER.

* Well, mind now, for this is as true as Gospel. It was on the llth of May, 18- — , I 'listed a recruit in Dublin and put the question to him, gave him the shilling, and walked him to the barracks as fine as a fiddle. Well, in a few days he was claimed as a 'prentice, and so he was had up before the mayor, and he committed him for trial. Well, at the following 'sizes I was called as a witness, and the lawyer that defended him told me that I did not list him. " I did," says I. " Did you put the question to him rightly ?" says he. " I did," says I. "By the virtue of yer oath, now ; " says he, "just ax me the question, for I don't believe you ax'd him." " How do you know ?" says I, " for by this and by that you wern't by." " None of your business," says he ; and he held out his hand, and accordingly I pulled out half-a-crown and clapped it in his fist, and then I axed him the questions, and he said " yes "to them all. " Were these the same questions you put to the prisoner ?"• " Yes they were," said I. " Well, here's yer half-crown for ye," says he. " I can't take it, sir," says I. " Why not R" says he. " Why not ?" says I ; " why, sure I can't take it back till you go before a magistrate and pay the ' smartmoney." "You be hanged," says he, and he put the money in his pocket, and I called to his lordship on the bench for a witness that I had 'listed him. And oh, holy Biddy, but there was a roar in the court ! Begorra the judge laughed till the tears ran down his face. Well, the decision of the court being in my favor, laxedthe judge if I might take away my new recruit. And they all roared again, and the counsellor got as red as a turkey-cock, and as mad as a bull with the cholie ; at last he made the best he could ay ifc, and says Ito the counsellor, says I, "Don'tlistinthelinenexttime, sir."." What then ?" says he snappishly. " Oh, yer | 'oner," says I, "stick to the rifles : that's more in your way." Well, begorra, when I told the major, I thought he'd die, and when he had done laughin' he bid me keep the " smart money " for myself. — Irish Humour.