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Southland Times, Issue 1173, 29 November 1869, Page 2

Nelson once punished an excellent seaman for being tipsy, and told him, " If you ever see me in such a state, I'll not only allow you to get tipsy, but find you in grog to do so." At Palermo Nelson gave a grand dinner, and was afterwards about to enter his boat more than half seas over. The sailor steered up to the admiral, reminded him of his punishment, and the promise then made. Nelson ordered him a gallon of rum, and observed that he could no longer set himself up for a pattern of sobriety, as he was as weak as Ms men, and his faults were less pardonable. " Sir," said an old Scotch woman to her minister, " I didna ken a pairt o' your sermon yesterday." "Irdeed! What was it ?" — " You said the Apostle used the figure of circumlocution ; and I diana ken what it means." "Is that all ?" said the minister, " It's very plain. The figure of circumlocution is merely a periphrastic mode of diction." " Oh ! oh ! is that all ?" said the good woman. " What a puir fool I were not to understand that !" | A Cube fob, Kicking Cows. — To deal fairly by a kicking cow requires patience and something more ; but the vice can be cured by a course of the following treatment : — " When the cow is in tbe bail, put a thin strip of green hide, or a bit of wire, around her neck ; to her leg, just ] above the hoof, make another piece of green hide, or leg-rope, fast ; then, instead of fasteniog it to a post or peg, bring it up and fasten it to the line round her neck ; then make her lift her foot, and if she kicks she will know of it. In a little time the cow usually does with her feet as the operator desires."