Random Notes

Southern Cross, Volume 1, Issue 18, 29 July 1893, Page 9

Random Notes

Did my readers last week observe the monstrer missile discharged from the big gun of Makarewa, and did they hear the reverberation of the report ? I anticipated, I must, confess, that my efforts to place the merits of Southland’s Solon in their true light before the eyes of pay readers, would be duly appreciated by the object of my eulogium. Ihe epistle above referred to shows that my most sanguine hopes have been more than realised, while my efforts have even drawn forth a manifestation of powers, hitherto dormant, and scarcely suspected to be a possession of him who is acknowledged to be the most versatile and original contributor to the Southland Press, upon whose head our watery sun sheds his benign rays. What heights of poetical sublimity may not be reached by him who pens such sounding dithyrambic lines as these ? “ When I survey the wondrous pile Whence generous T. JB. pours his bile .' . I’m lost in wonder and amaze At such a craze.” , When selecting my elevated and airy situation I had not a few fears as to its stability in this somewhat tremulous land of ours, but “ the missile ” has dissipated all my fears. The winds may descend, the floods may roar, and the southerly busters “ crack their cheeks !” Here stand I undaunted, for firm as a rock shall the edifice stand, whose bricks are vouched for by our own infallible philosopher. But, friend Buxton, we must study brevity. You know your Shakespeare, I doubt not, and have often admired the sage solemnity of the aged Polonius. His advice is salutary. “Brevity,” says he, “is the soul of wit,” therefore be brief. The patience of the editor is not inexhaustible, nor is his space ! Random Notes and communications thereon are limited to but a colum or so, and if you decide upon launching forth a missile a cdumn long, from your 10 -ton gun, then, perforce, 1 m,ust be all too brief! and I know that you have no desire to narrowly circumscribe the limits at the disposal of one who confesses himself an admirer of your transcendent genius and unparalleled epistolary powers. Since the editor, then, unlike the “ guid Scotch mither” does not choose to “ gie us our ain wull ” with his space, take, I beseech you, the advice thus in all seriousness tendered, and reduce your communications to manageable limits, viz., the extent of a paragraph for this column, which space I shall willingly concede to you, well knowing that your object, like my own, is to correct the faults and follies of men, and lead them in the direction of those narrow paths of rectitude and self-dependence, which you for so long and with so signal success have trod. Town councillors, as a rule, are ever desirous of parading their logic in discussing the pros and cons of the various schemes brought forward for the purpose of promoting the comfort and welfare of the civic community. But the City Bathers, in common with many other amateur logicians, occasionally fall into one or other of the numerous fallacies or pitfalls with which the “ science of reasoning is beset.” The argumentum ad hominem is pretty generally regarded as being on a par with the lawyer’s “ No case—abuse the other side.” The tu quoque retort belongs to this umnistakeably weak procedure in controversy, yet it is now and again resorted to by those who have an inner conviction that the “cap fits them ” or those whose excitability of temper precludes calm reflection, sane judgment, and valid reasoning. The members of a borough council in the south of New Zealand recently indulged in a little of this “ municipal ” logic. A. B. plainly, bluntly, and in one word accused C. D. of being a man w r ho never speaks the truth. Now, C. D. being but a mortal man, the frai.ty of human flesh would not permit him to endeavour to substantiate his former assertions and prove that he was speaking the truth. He could not bear to have his unblemished character so dangerously and unceremoniously assailed. Hut the press reporters were present, and this, no doubt, deterred him from creating, what is called in newspaper parlance, a “sensation,” by demolishing his calumniator IS or did he desire to create a “scene’' by dancing a fling or significantly boxing the atmosphere, hie did none of these, but he jumped up and hysterically thundered, “ kou’re another.” After an interchange of such emphatic epithets the “breeze” blew by, each combatant feeling sure he had vanquished his adversary. Those of the City Fathers who were jubilant at the prospect of a varied programme were somewhat disappointed; but all with good grace settled down again to the consideration of ways and means, and to the monotonous procedure so characteristic of a council hall.

These are the days oi “ prohibitions ” of all sorts, and the ” direct veto” is threatened upon many more traffics than that usually termed the traffic. One reverend advocate of liquor suppression recently suggested the demolition of the necessary, harmless pipe—which to many proves the “pipe of peace.” What may next be vetoed, when the two objects threatened go by the board, it is hard to say; but some indication of the possibilities of the future can be surmised if a careful eye be kept on our American Cousins. In the good old Puritan days of New England “ kissing on Sundays ” was one of the vetoed indulgences, and recent advices from Xankeeland show that descendants of the Pilgrim Fathers possess not a little of their patriarchal objection to osculatory exercise.

The Baltimore Public Park Board hare issued their ukase against “public courting,” “for,” says their exemplary secretary, (General J. S. Berry, “ the public parks are ,not designed for such purposes,” and hereafter tender lovers within the sacred precincts of the park must cease to breathe into each other’s ears their sweet phrases; and no more amid the umbrageous shades must their billing and cooing be beard! Sad fate, indeed. But why should the masculine oscluator be mulcted in 20 dels, while his lady-love pays but 5 dols. for the privilege ? Our local woman’s rights champion should keep her eye on this matter, as I fear another injustice to the weaker vessel is herein prognosticated. But could not our City Fathers profit by the example set by their Baltimore confreres ? Uur civic finances are by no means too elastic. The promulgation of similar edicts on courting in public places, accompanied by the planting of a cordon of vigilance officers along the salubrious banks of the Puni Creek might possibly prove a veritable gold-mine, far surpassing Wilson’s River. Yox.