HOW DO YOU DO?

Shannon News, 26 July 1927, Page 4

HOW DO YOU DO?

AND ’OW ABE YER? THE ART OP SHAKING HANDS. (By Robert Magill). When my dog meets a friend he never shakes hands with him, although if he can get hold of him he’ll shake as much as he can get in his mouth at one go. And if Rudolph, my cat, meets the cat next door, he either goes to sleep or else puts his nose in the air, as much as to say he wishes they’d keep the lid on the dusbin. When two goldfish nearly bump into each other on their way round the bowl, they never shake fins. Whereas I, who ought to have more sense, waste my time and my friend’s, and block the traffic, by grabbing his hand and waving it about as though it belonged to me instead of him.

Still, it might be worse. Cannibals shake each other’s ears and the Eskimos bump each other’s noses, while Red Indians scalp each other when they haven’t met for some time. However, as we shake hands it is as well to make sure that you do it properly, because there’s nothing that shows more easily the way you’ve been dragged up. For instance, if you hold the other person’s hand above your head, you must think that it looks classy.* It merely looks as though you’re used to going home by tram and have to hang on a strap all the way. ITS ORIGIN.

• The custom of shaking hands arose in the old days when two people never met without trying to lay each other out. You can hardly blame them for that, because even nowadays you find other people a nuisance. They won’t listen to the way you nearly get America on a one-valve set, but they interrupt you to tell you untruths about groAving such big tulips that they have to lean out of the first floor window to water them.

To prevent any misunderstanding in those good old days, the first man held out his hand to show that there was no deception, and that he wasn’t palming a battleaxe. Then he grabbed the other ,fellow’s hand before he had a chance to feel for the dagger in his aoek.

Nowadays we still shake hands because it gives us a chance of thinking what we can say without insulting the other man. You also do it before a fight, and again afterwards, or rather, che other chap shakes your hand while your seconds hold you up. You’ shake hands when you have concluded a little business, unless the mean

fellow 1 won’t lend you any, and you perform this little ceremony once more, usually very heartily, when saying good-bye to somebody. Never' offer your hand first w T hen shaking hands with a lady. Wait until she gives you hers. Yesterday may have been her day for cleaning the fire, irons, and it takes a day or so for the effects of housework to wear off. For another thing, choose an appropriate place. If she’s on a bus going one way, and you’re on another going the other way, rvait till you get home, and write her a postcard. Otherwise you might pull the bus over. TYPES.

When meeting an acquaintance in a

tram it is not necessary to let go your

strap to shake hands, or somebody else may take your strap. Simply smile — unless your friend has a weak heart, when you can merely nod. Upon entering a room full of people you need not go round and shake hands with all of them, unless somebody you dislike is singing a song at the time, when it will cause a diversion.

There are various! types of handshakers. First there is the man who nearly shakes you off your feet. He

keeps you down by clumping you on the back at the same time. He is as bad as the man who mistakes your hand

for one of those spring dumb-bells, and squeezes the bones out of your fingers till you can feel them come out of your elbows. All you can do with a man like this is accidentally to step on his foot and stay there' until lie releases

you. Yet I prefer him to the chap who offers you two fingers as though he were afraid you would steal the others. Having decided to shake hands, stick the hand straight out, with the fingers extended. Never mind if it suddenly

gets dark. The sun will only be eclipsed for a minute or so. Don’t say, “ ’Ow are yer?” or “Lumme, you are looking awful.” Even “Plesstenneecher” isn’t done in the best circles.

“Say “Jla-ow d’you do 1 ?” only don’t put too much pathos into it. The other party might fancy you really want to know, and vou don’t. A FEW HINTS.

Having got hold of the hand —or as much of it as you can hold —squeeze it just sufficiently to express your feelings, but not enough to ring the bell and return the penny, so to speak.

Of course, if you are carrying anything, the great thing is to keep calm. Don’t extend a hand that is already holding a parcel of fried fish for supper. You friend may misunderstand you, and help himself to a few ehips. If the parcel is you wife’s, say a new hat, you can easily drop it and keep your foot in it to make sure it doesn’t get away. It all depends on how many packages you’ve got. Hang your walk-ing-stick over one ear, and hold one parcel in your mouth. Tuck a feAv under your arm, meanwhile making some jocular remark to your friend, such as: “I’m awfully glad to meet you.j They told me you’d been locked up. ’’i - When you’ve shaken hands, don’t drop the other party’s as though you’d finished with it; but at the same time don't be too careful about placing it back exactly as you found it. Above all, don’t, immediately you let go, start wiping your own hand on your handkerchief or your trousers.