COOL SPRAY.

South Canterbury Times, Issue 2809, 25 March 1882, Page 2

COOL SPRAY.

[By P.R.] The time was when the tour of a professional pugilist was a triumphal progress, but, fempora ’mutanlur, and Jem Mace is not a great success. The truth is, the “noble art ” is still caltivated (and may it always be cultivated till the millenium), but the professional pugilist is not believed in as a “ public character.”

Sir John Robertson, a N.S.W. politician, remarked recently that “ Victoria was a great cabbage garden.” This kindled', a terrible fuss among the Victorians, who resented the unneighborly sarcasm. He took refuge in abusing, the Press for misrepresenting bim, and said that he intended the remark as a tribute to the fertility, not (("reflection on the limited resources, of the colony, and everybody has now shaken hands and become friends once more. , .

Bryce has blarney enough for a couple of Irishmen. The Auckland Chamber of Commerce and he have bad a little exchange of civilities, in which. Mr Bryce shone as an “oily gammon." Chamber of Commerce (loquitur)— My dear Mr Bryce, pray do us the favor to leave,-'tlfej Native Office .in Auckland, Oraht iis; (hat crumb- of comfort, at least.

Mr Bryce (respondit)— My dear. 0. of C. nothing would delight me more. But, you see, I should have to live here ; and that you know, well now, you know !

C. of o.—Oh, of course, quite so. But, do you know, our people would, of all things, like to have you hero. The hero of Parihaka is the darling of the Aucklanders.

Mr B. (with emotion) —Pardon these tears, 0. of C. Such affectionate regard

is too much for me ; I never before shed a tear in all ray career, but you have smitten the rock. I must live in Wellington, the country expects it. In fact the Government Would, col lapse if I did’nt. Ah ! my dear C. of C. [you little knew the cares of State, but you do know that uneasy lies the head that wears a portfolio (Shakespeare). (The vulgar herd -say- “ how easy lies tbs' tongue of a Minister.” Odious wretches!) iYos I must go, but I assure you I go very unwillingly. In fact it has been the 'dream of ray ' childhood’ to live among yon. Now- my 0. of C. I assure you I am speaking too unreservedly. There will be a terrible row in Wellington, over my saying this. Tbe Premier will give me an awful drubbing. Good-bye, 0. >of 0., God bless you ! God bless., you 1 Leave me for a few moments, while I, conquer this weak/ ness. (Exit; C. of 0.) ' Bryce ..(sol)—I thmk'T dosed‘tbem pretty well, then! I never thought there was’anybody in the world fool enough for me to bamboozle.. ,

What •an immense lot of false sentiment there is in [people. One of the most, objectionable phases of false feeling that 1 know is that of the individual who. having" come down” to manual labor, is ashamed of it. You come upon an oM acquaintance whom you have known in happier, or at least more youthful, days. He was of good extraction arid breeding, and had , exrcellent prospects. But he made a fool of himstilf (arid, ’my dear prosperous reader, some men who, are quite as good as your’ Worthy [/self; have repeatedly done that) and dropped off the pavement of society into y the gutter. Then after timehad burned its lessons into him, the nobler part of him shone forth arid leaped into lifev and he'proved 'himself “ real grit Vin the long run. Bat he had to work hard and live hard when you saw him, and he held aloof from you. That was Very proper on bis part. * You might be a purse-proud upstart, or a snob, and he was not going to accept your patronage and kind attention, and therefore he preferred waiting to soe how the wind blew. When you bed satisfied lam of your undiminished regard, the old friendship was between , you again and you were as one'. But, while he did not at all mind talking about his poverty, he seemed ashamed 'to confess that he was actually doing manual labor. Does not labor Well done dignify the laborer —ought not shame at having to do it be swallowed- up in pride at being able to do it well ? This maumise honte is not yet disappeared, .and, I, .hope our educationists will take note of it. There are some lessons that the public school course does not include. This, among others, it should embrace.

I here take leave of ray, readers, n6t in melodramatic style, but in a friendly way. As P.R. may shortly be asked to accept a Portfolio, or be enrolled on the Commission of the Peace, or called to the Upper House, he feels that he must retire into dignified silence. Think of him then as kindly as possible, and “ now to all a kind good night.”