VARIETIES.

South Canterbury Times, Issue 2394, 18 November 1880, Page 3

VARIETIES.

The youth who permits his sweetheart to rule him is a miss-guided young man. “ I catch the queue ” as the miner remarked when he reached for a Chinaman. An ex-prize fighter is postmaster in an eastern town. His old fighting nature is still in him and hardly a day passes that he doesn’t lick an innocent little postage stamp. A domestic named Angelica Jordan has passed over her last name and become a portion of her first name. She attempted to kindle a lire with coal oil.

A Hackneyed Remark. —“ Cab, sir p” Why is a grocer who gives short measure like an ambuscade ? —Because he lies in weight. Why are women archers by nature? --Because the bent of their inclinations is to bend a beau. There are some men so talkative that nothing but toothache can make one of them hold his jaw. Paper is worth threepence per pound in Peru until it is made into money- ; then it depreciates, adds a wicked financier, about fifty per cent* The Grammar of Love.—Oliver W endell Holmes calls a kiss a lisping consonant. He should have added also that it usually follows a-vowal. It is learned from the Philadelphia “ Chronicle ” that Edison is inventing a lemonade without citner sugar or lemons for the convenience of circuses and Sunday-school pic-nics. An “ electrical stone-breaker ” is the latest American invention. An elec-trical-magnet chopper delivers from 1,000 to 2,000 blows per minute, the power being supplied by a dynamoelectric machine. A law of England in the seventeenth century provided : “ All women of whatever age, rank, profession or degree, whether virgins, wives or widows, that shall, from and after this Act, impose upon, seduce, and betray into matrimony any of His Majesty’s male subjects, by scents, paints, cosmetics, washes, artificial teeth, false hair, Spanish wool, iron stays, hoops, or high-heeled shoes, or bolstered hips, shall incur the penalty of the laws in force against witchcraft, sorcery, and the like, and that marriage, upon conviction, shall stand null and void.”