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South Canterbury Times, Issue 2384, 6 November 1880, Page 2

Oua timid and venerable friends—the authorities—have attempted to justify their extraordinary precautionary efforts at the expense of the detectives and Orangemen. The old ladies, like the historic policeman, arc said to have acted •‘from information received.” The placed themselves in communication with that reliable source of alarming inspiration the detectives, and they learned enough to make their hair stand on end. The detectives are said to have played upon their weak fears by inform-

ing them that every Orangeman, iimler the mask of his Protestant sash, intended to carry a six-shooter. The enemy that they feared was not the turbulent mob who marched from the Temple of Bacchus some months ago, but a sober company of Orangemen. Were the Orangemen of New Zealand bends incarnate let loose from the infernal regions they' could hardly have caused a greater amount of trepidation, among the old ladies of South Canterbury who wear the title of J.P. It has generally been supposed that Orangemen were “ defenders of the faith” and supporters of the civil authority, but this, in the belief of the Pencil, must be a popular fiction. The precautions that were taken were simply for the benefit of these dangerous and heretical sons of Belial—the Orangemen. No doubt the members of the order will feel honored and delighted at being made aware that the introduction of detectives and constabl es from abroad, the enrollment of special constables, and the closing of public houses, were all on their account. It will show them that the Timaru Bench of old ladies have a peculiar method of recognising organisations that have been instituted for the maintenance of law and order. But if anything can wash away the insult of our lily-hearted authorities it must have been the way in which their mandates were carried out. To gratify the old dames, who constitute themselves a Bench of Magistrates, the “ specials ” wore pieces of tape round their arms, but mixed with the throng and generally extended the hand of welcome to the hobgoblin invaders, whose six-shooters they knew to be like Macbeth’s dagger, “ A phantom of the mind, A false illusion Proceeding from the heat oppressed brain.”

As for the publicans they closed their main entrances but they opened their side doors, and positively drove a roaring business all day long. As for the visitors and processionists they shewed no disposition to abuse the facilities which in defiance of the old ladies was placed at their disposal. A more orderly or peaceable gathering would be an impossibility. As everything has passed off so well, the Orangemen, despite the insult to which they have been subjected, can a (ford to shake hands with the old crones of the local Bench, for this time they have had the host of the joke. Their procession was undoubtedly an imposing one, while, the authorities humiliated themselves by assuming the disguise of the lion, and allowing the cars of the ignoble animal to protrude. Perhaps for the future our venerable justices will hesitate before consenting to allow their old womanish fears to run away witli any little wisdom they possess.