VARIETIES.

South Canterbury Times, Issue 2299, 30 July 1880, Page 3

VARIETIES.

The Printer Again.—A poet wrote a stirring ode on a victim of persecution. | who was burnt at the stake about the time of the Eeformation, in which oc- , eurred Ihe line, " See the pale martyr in 1 his sheet of fire !" of which the poet was i especially proud ; but the printer acci- ' dentally got it, " See the pale martyr ( with his shirt on fire !" 1 A Son of the Soil. —A lawyer in Virginia, not remarkable for his cleanliness of person,appeared at a party a. while ago with a rose in his button-hole. " Where do you suppose it came from ? " said he to a brother lawyer who was admiring it. The latter looked up and down the entire length of the questioner, and ■with great deliberation responded:— " Why, I suppose it grew there." I Perhaps be Never Thought of That. A young mother in Cincinnati was ' giving to her son, aged live years, a ' touching description of the misery into which the prodigal son had fallen. ] " Far away from home and his kind father, obliged to take care of swine, with nothing to eat but the husks of corn left by them." " Then why didn't he eat the pigs?" was the practical reply of the young Porkopolitan. A well-known brass and string bandit professor was interviewed the other morning by a man who wanted a situation in the band. " What can von play ?" asked the professor. " Well, I ain't much for fiddlin',"' replied the ' man ; " but if you want wind stuffed into a cornet, or wind belted out of a brass drum, I'm your oyster." He was engaged. , The Admiralty has adopted the Nordenfelt barrelled gun, which fires 12 solid steel shots per second, for use in the navy. In the Carlow election the winning grace of woman was added to the more energetic influence' of the priest, the publican, and the poor-law guardian. '. Every tenant on Mr Kavauagh's properly was canvassed in person by the Lady Mayoress, who, with characteristic devotion, accompanied her husband during his electioneering tour through the CO nity. j Chervin, the physician charged by the Government with the cure of stuttering recruits has just published a lecture on his method. This seems to be simply reading aloud, by which lie attains complete results in a few weeks. Four-fifths of the traffic of the Sue/ Canal is furnished by British commerce, j It is not an exaggeration to say that if \ the British flag were withdrawn the j eanal would not last a decade. One English company alone pays on an aver- | age £ 160,000 a year lo the concern. ' The young folks were talking about mistakes in courtship, when Uncle Job broke in with the declaration that there ! was never any such tiling, "For," said he "nobody ever makes any mistakes worth mentioning in courtship. It's after ; the courtship is over and the lovcrsbavc been married I lie hurtful mistakes begin." " Well, uncle," said one of his pretty nieces, "what's the moral of all that?" "The moral," exclaimed I Uncle Job. "What's the moral? Why, I s'pose the moral is to keep on courting! "