VARIETIES.

South Canterbury Times, Issue 2288, 17 July 1880, Page 3

VARIETIES.

Significant.—A Nebraska monument to a horse thief is simply a stake at the head of a grave and a sign reading—- “ It would have been cheaper for him to go afoot.” The General Rule. —When a very respectable man is discovered committing a crime the proper thing for him to do is to ask the public to suspend their opinion until the thing is forgotten.” —“ New Orleans Picayune.” A young woman went iuto the office of a daily newspaper in Fleet street to advertise for a kitchcnmaid. She said with a sigh and a wring of her dainty gloved hands, “Oh I do hope we’ll get one soon, for it docs almost break my heart to see mother wash dishes, with her rheumatism, too!”

An old coachman meets his master at a railway station, having had several “halves” during his wait. Master sniffing—“ What’s this, John? I get the smell of whisky off you again !” John —“ Weel, weci, my lord, I’ve felt the smell o’ whusky aff you mony a time,and I ne’er said oucht about it!” A Mystery Explained.—An old lady in Wichia says she never could imagine where the Smiths came from until she saw in a New England town a large sign, “ Smith Manufacturing Company.” The effect of Oratory.—Mr Blackburn, M. C., from Kentucky, is one of the orators of the present house of American Representatives, and like all great orators, a capital rcconteur. Not long since he was the centre of an admiring group who were listening to the flow of eloquence and anecdote in which he was indulging. During a temporary lull a rough looking man, who had been an attentive listener, emerged from the crowd, and drawled out, “ Stranger, I’ve listened to you a great while ; I don’t thing it’s likely that yellow fever or small pox would kill you but if you should have a stroke of lockjaw, you’d die sure.”

Emma R. asks this extraordinary question.—“ Do you think it is right for a girl tn sit on a young man’s lap if she is engaged to him ? ” Oh Emma ! Well, though we have had no experience in the matter referred to, we should say “ If our girl and our Jap, yes ; if another girl and our lap, yes. But if our girl and another fellow’s lap, never—and not in the Pinafore sense either.”